


just teenager things

by ultraviolentae



Series: the growing up chronicles [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Character Development, M/M, but only a few times, except jisung he's from 2001, mentions of alcohol and weed, renjun is a pure lil bean and the world is tryina corrupt him, side markhyuck and chensung, swimmer nct au, thats actually the whole damn plot right there, theyre all born in 2000 here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-02-04 17:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 57,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12776070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultraviolentae/pseuds/ultraviolentae
Summary: I can’t know everything about the endless worldBut my heart is looking for somethingThis unfamiliar nervousness has no nameBut it keeps running in my heart





	1. the start of something new

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peachyjohnjae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachyjohnjae/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long disclaimer, read if you want but don’t come @ me after if you don’t bother reading: this is an AU first of all, and it’s based on my personal views of teenagers. I highly doubt the dreamies point of view is the same. There are NO sexual scenes however the theme sex comes up a few times (mostly if not all in chap 3) along with smoking and drinking. If anyone wants to complain i dont mind just please don’t be rude about it. I’d hate to put so much effort into this to get hate comments all over the place :^/ Please focus on the message rather than the fact that this isn’t 100% fluffy rainbows, thank you!!
> 
> (dedicated to ana who helped me write renjuns personality and gave me motivation to keep on writing this, *puing puing* bitch)
> 
> (english is my second language, pls take that into consideration while reading!! dankuu)

* * *

 

 **I** t was rainy, his skinny legs kept getting wet each time the boy would step on a puddle as he ran down the street. Wasn’t it supposed to be good weather today? It didn’t matter anyways because he was already late, his school ended just ten minutes before his training started but, luckily, the walk towards the swimming pool was just a few minutes away. Even so, because his teacher had decided to take five minutes to praise him for his essay (not that he was complaining, it was nice to be praised), Renjun had to run for his life even with the intense rain outside.

He runs up the little slope leading towards the main entrance and doesn’t stop until he’s inside the now empty changing room. Renjun huffs and takes his clothes off right away, then puts his swimming shorts on as quickly as he can and shoves his bag inside the locker. The boy stops in front of the big mirror and checks himself out slightly, his bony shoulders sticking out of his skin catch his attention right away and he sighs. W _hen will I be buff?_ he thinks.

Renjun puts his swimming cap like a pro and adjusts it a bit before running towards the rest of his team, nobody seems to mind him being late for a few minutes not even his strict coach that simply rolls his eyes and keeps on talking. “So, we will now start training for the first semester competition.” He looks around checking if anyone looks unmotivated, after spending nearly a month only running outside to train their muscles after summer break some of them were already ready to leave the club. Renjun felt the same, he liked swimming, not jogging and doing pushups. “I expect you to do your best, always.”

And, with that, they enter the pool going to their positions right away. Renjun is behind a boy called Donghyuck who pretends he is way better than him (which was a big fat lie because Renjun was able to catch him before the lap even ended each time). At the front there was his best friend, Jaemin with Jeno. _Wait._ Renjun rubs his eyes, was that blonde hair peeking out of Jeno’s cap?

He doesn’t have much time to observe because the coach blows the whistle just a few seconds later. Jaemin shoots him a big smile before going underwater, Jeno following. “Did Jeno dye his hair?” He asks the boy behind him.

“Oh, yeah. It looks good.” He answers, a bitter tone to it.

Renjun hums in response and focuses on getting ready to swim, Jeno erased from his mind for a while as he moves his limbs skilfully. He adored swimming, and how he could drift away and simply swim, no pain in his chest or legs like when he had to run. Swimming was relaxing, even when he had to do it seriously.

They leave the pool to practice jumping, Jaemin no longer cares about being the first in line comes next to Renjun. He grabs the other closer as he places his arm on Renjun’s slim shoulders. “Sup? How was school?”

“Normal.” Renjun shrugs. “Dunno what you expect from me every time you ask that.”

“Hey, some day you’ll have something to tell me.” Jaemin laughs, his teeth brightening the whole place up. “You’re not boring Renjun, I know you’re thinking that.”

“Whatever you say.” He snorts, because he was indeed boring. He didn’t care for anything else than grades and how well he would do at swimming, his life consisting of coming home after practice and doing homework only to wake up and go to school and repeat the cycle. The only time he’d change it up was during the weekends where he’d either go out to eat with his family or Jaemin, sometimes Chenle as well. But Jaemin wasn’t asking for that, he knew that much, what his best friend wanted was to see if Renjun had finally found someone to invest his time on. “Don’t have time to waste on crushes.”

“They’re not that time consuming!”

“That’s why you have two and are failing one of your classes.” His best friend fights back and Jaemin pouts.

“Mean.”

 

 

Renjun massages his shoulder as he steps out of the pool, everyone is putting on their slippers and heading to the changing room but he waits for Jaemin to stop talking to their coach to finally follow the crowd. “Why’d you talk to him?”

“I was asking him when the next competition would be.” The boy smiles. “Apparently in just about a month! He says we’ll have many but they’re quite small and unimportant.”

“To prepare.”

“Exactly.”

The showers were already full when they got there, Jaemin groans and pushes Renjun to stand with him next to the radiator. They wait for a while in silence, Renjun starts eyeing the males and a pang of jealously hits him straight in the gut. He had grown up with most of them, he had seen them turn from bamboo-looking sticks into well-built boys and yet, there he was, his body slimmer than most girls he knew.

Something grabs his attention away from that however. Jeno ruffles his now blonde hair around trying to dry it and Renjun stares in awe, _it looks good._ It fits the boy so much that, if Renjun hadn’t known him before, he’d think that was his natural hair colour. Which was impossible, but still. “Looks good as hell right?” Jaemin asks with a smirk on his face when he notices Renjun’s awestruck expression.

“Yes, it really does.” He coughs slightly. “Like, he really suits the hair.” Jaemin nods, and once Renjun tries to find the blonde again he’s gone from the showers.

Soon enough, people start to leave so both boys move from their places and try to find a free shower. “Pass the shampoo! I forgot it.”

“Again?!” Renjun whines but throws it across the room anyways, almost hitting one of his teammates in the process of doing so.

Jaemin shrugs and then gives him a thumbs up once the bottle lands perfectly on his hands. “You’re the best.” He exclaims as the substance squirts loudly all over his hand. Renjun just rolls his eyes and tries to finish as quickly as possible.

The changing rooms are always a crowded mess, they’re a large team and, on top of that, they had to share the space with regular people. There were two rooms for the changing rooms and yet, both were full. Then there were the individual cabins which were the first to be filled because nobody liked showing their butts to random old men, or their teammates for that matter.

“When can we move to the special changing rooms for the swimming club?!” Jaemin whines as they pass by a few males (and almost accidently touch them).

“When we win more than once during the competitions. Our team is shit and needs some motivation it seems.” Their leader, Mark, hears Jaemin’s whining and decides to butt in.

“Seriously?” The boy looks like he is in immense pain. “So never?”

“That’s not the spirit-“

“Fuck the spirit my buttlocks are being shown to people I don’t even know!” He whines one last time before putting his clothes on at the speed of light. Renjun is putting on his shirt when the other is back to whining, this time about his friend being too slow.

Renjun flips him off and puts his clothes on at his normal pace while Jaemin runs off to somebody else. The older looks around for him once he’s done and finds him speaking with Jeno and Donghyuck. He stares at the blonde for a few seconds (probably longer than what was considered normal) and gulps before going near Jaemin. “I’m ready.”

“Ah, Renjun!” Jaemin smiles brightly. “Renjun said your hair looks really good, Jeno.”

Jeno’s eyesmile is adorable but Renjun is too busy trying to stop his sudden coughing fit. “What the heck Jaemin?” He wheezes out but the other simply pats his back instead of giving him a proper.

“Thank you.” Jeno smiles with his lips pressed together and bows slightly. “I’m glad you like it.”

Renjun smiles back, awkwardly, but he manages to smile nevertheless. Once everyone would be gone he’d make sure to kick Jaemin’s _oh-so-precious-buttlocks_ for putting him under the spotlight. Donghyuck wiggles his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything and the topic changes to something else as they leave the changing rooms and go up the stairs towards the entrance. “See you guys tomorrow!” Jaemin waves them off leaving him alone with Renjun, who turns around and shoots him a glare. “Woah, woah. What did I do?”

“Why’d you tell Jeno I found his hair cool?!” Renjun cries out, stomping his feet. “You idiot!”

Jaemin chuckles. “Chill, he liked the compliment.” The other pouts and Jaemin leans closer pretending he’s going to kiss him. Renjun flinches and fake gags right in front of his friend's face. “Pft, you’re grossed out by your bestie kissing you. Weak.”

“Shut up, I might get some disease from kissing you, you whore.”

He fakes a hurt expression but laughs right after. “Dude, I only kissed five people.”

“This year? Perhaps.” Renjun smirks and, before Jaemin can hit him, he's already running down the ramp leading into the sidewalk. “Goodnight Jaemin-ah!” He makes a big heart with his arms and keeps on running down the street.

His steps slow down after a while since his body was still sore from practice. Thankfully Renjun lived pretty close to the swimming pool, his parents had strategically chosen a house nearby the most important places in the area.

“I’m home.” He says loudly as he opens the door.

“Hello love!” His mom’s voice comes from inside the kitchen. “How was today?”

“Weather is awful, otherwise it was fine. My History teacher loved my essay.”

“The extremely strict one?” Someone else decides to join the conversation, Renjun nods at Doyoung who is sitting by his desk. “Seriously? What’d you get?”

Renjun moves closer towards his brother’s room and smirks. “Nineteen.”

“Out of twenty?!” Doyoung looks stunned and Renjun nods with a cocky expression. “Fuck you.”

“LANGUAGE!” Their mother yells.

Doyoung rolls his eyes and goes back to focusing on whatever game he was playing. Renjun goes to his room, that is right next to his brother’s, and closes the door. With his leftover energy, Renjun throws his bag near his desk and flops on the bed. “My muscles are dead.” He groans against the pillow, dinner totally forgotten as he dozes off.

 

 

 

 

Feeling out of place wasn’t unusual for Renjun, however he’d try his best to surround himself by people like him. So naturally, at times like these, in which he was dragged outside by Jaemin to meet people that he wasn’t comfortable with, Renjun really wished he could shrink and disappear.

Jaemin had ‘tricked’ him into thinking it’d be just the two of them hanging out but his friend, being the social butterfly he was, kept stopping to say hi to people and introducing them to Renjun, then those people would tag along without even asking. Renjun didn’t want to care but he kept fidgeting with his sleeves and trying to act more relaxed than he felt. He was sure Jaemin’s friends noticed how awkward he was, but none made a comment and he sure felt thankful for that.

They were all sitting on the floor of a sketchy looking place, Jaemin was passing his blunt around but never asking Renjun if he wanted it. He didn’t need to, he already knew the answer. “Ima call Jeno.” He says and the rest nod, Renjun’s breath hitches slightly. “Sup, wanna meet at the usual spot?” The boy asks once Jeno finally picks up. “Cool, bring the stuff everyone’s here.”

Renjun frowns slightly, deep down he wished he was home. Not that the people weren’t nice, because they were but this wasn’t for him. The smoke and the talks about who made out with who at the latest party wasn’t the sort of thing he could say he enjoyed. “Jaemin.” He whispers and the other boy smiles brightly.

“Yes?”

“I, uh-“ Renjun starts but someone else grabs the other boy’s attention.

“Jeno!” Jaemin stands up and hugs the blonde before making him sit next to him. “That was fast, were you nearby?”

Renjun looks up and observes the sight, Jeno is dressed in almost all black with a white cap and, even if the clothes are supposed to look casual, he still manages to make them look fashionable. “Yeah, I had to run some errands for my mom.”

“Such a good boy.” One of the boys teases and Jeno flips him off with a smile on his face.

Jeno’s eyes meet Renjun’s and go wide in shock, because _well okay_ when was Renjun ever in these hangouts? “Hi!” He smiles widely at the older. “Good to see you here.”

Renjun shifts uncomfortably. “Ah, yes, good to see you too.” He tries to give him a genuine smile but probably fails. He felt like puking with anxiety but Jaemin was too busy chatting with one of his friends, so he doesn’t bother him and decides to entertain himself by observing his surroundings.

Donghyuck has his head on Mark’s shoulder as he plays with the older boy’s pants, the blunt passes around and Mark refuses it. Renjun feels somewhat better at that. “Hyuuunng.” The younger whines. “Why not?”

“Don’t like it.” Mark shrugs and passes it to the next person. Donghyuck rolls his eyes and snuggles closer, Renjun wonders if they’re dating but doesn’t dare ask, not even Jaemin. Who, by the way, is shamelessly flirting with one of the girls.

“Hey.” Someone whispers next to Renjun’s ear making the boy almost jump.

“You scared me.” Renjun groans and Jeno simply chuckles, coming closer than before.

“Enjoying yourself?” He asks and he places the blunt on his lips.

“I guess?” No, no he’s not and he’d rather be home watching anime, but Jeno can’t know that.

“Sounds like you’re lying.” The younger smirks. “Why’d you come?”

Renjun plays with the case of phone. “Jaemin wanted to hangout.”

“Did you?”

“I did, but alone.” Renjun admits and shrugs. Jeno looks at him with pity in his eyes, he’d known the older for a few years now, it was obvious he wasn’t about this life.

“That’s what you get for bestfriending a social person.” Jeno smiles softly. “I can keep you company if you’d like.”

“No, you don’t need to! I can just watch, it’s entertaining enough.” He isn’t lying, however part of him also wanted Jeno to keep talking to him.

Jeno nods but doesn’t move away, their legs touch and arms brush every so often due to the closeness. Soon enough, Jeno was fully into the conversation and laughing along with the others, meanwhile Renjun observed the scene with interest. His world looked so different from these people, but somehow Jeno still felt safe to him, like a bridge to both worlds. It was odd.

It became dark soon enough and some of them headed home, in the end it was just Jaemin and the girl he flirted with non-stop throughout the whole evening, Renjun, Jeno and three other guys that Renjun didn’t bother remembering the names of. “You good?” Jeno asks once Renjun starts closing his eyes.

“All good, just sleepy.” He mumbles. “And bored, I guess.”

“Bored? No can do!” Jeno grabs his thigh, it sends shivers down Renjun’s spine. “Talk to me.”

“About?”

“Anything!” The younger squeezes Renjun’s thigh slightly. “How’d you meet Jaemin?”

“We are childhood friends, met in primary school and have been friend since then.”

Jeno nods, and looks around trying to look for Jaemin. “Was he always like this?”

“Pretty much? I always had less friends and all that, and best grades.” Renjun shrugs, he didn’t care and never did, they somehow still worked together when they were alone. “But he did have an emo phase where he hated everyone. Well, except me.”

“Jaemin? Emo? Did he have a fringe or something?” When Renjun nods the other starts giggling. "No way! Send me pictures.”

“Don’t have your number.” Renjun says quietly and Jeno grabs his phone. “What are you doing?”

The younger chuckles and finishes doing whatever he was up to before handing the phone back. “There, I put my number in. Send them or I’ll hunt you down.” Renjun must’ve looked horrified because Jeno’s smile turns into a frown and he grabs the other’s skinny wrists. “No, no. Not literally, don’t look at me like that.”

“S-Sorry.” The older whispers and looks at his phone screen, Jeno had saved himself as ‘blondie~’.

“Are you scared of me, Renjun?” Jeno asks with serious expression, it was probably the most serious he had looked in all those years of knowing him. Renjun doesn’t answer, his eyes still glued on the screen. “Why?”

“Dunno.” The boy shakes his head, Jeno lets go of his wrists and places his hands on Renjun’s thigh once again.

“I wouldn’t.” Jeno whispers as well. “I wouldn’t hurt you.”

Somehow, Renjun believes him. 

 

 

“Chenle seriously, I wanted to die.” Renjun whines to his phone with his Biology notes on his lap. It was Sunday afternoon, a day after the strange hangout and Renjun decided to call Chenle like he always did when there was something he needed to rant about. They had met in one of their swimming competitions, Chenle lived in a different city however they still had somehow become inseparable. “Jeno made it better but Jaemin just left me there to rot.”

“Why do you still call him your best friend again?” Chenle sighs. “Either way, next time just leave. Seriously pick your shit up and go.”

“It’s not that easy!” The boy cries out. “Jaemin would kick my ass if I did that.”

“He has no reason to do that when he’s the one leaving you alone when he knows you’re not comfortable.”

Renjun sighs and throw his notes somewhere on the floor. “I know, but- I hate when he does this.” The line on the other end is silent. “Like, I know he wants me to experience new things and all, but he just left me alone there! They’re scary!”

“Even Jeno?” There’s something in Chenle’s tone that Renjun can decipher.

“Jeno is…not really that scary.” He admits. “But even so, I feel weird around him.”

“Describe weird.” Renjun groans. “Jeno seems nice, every time I see him around he’s smiling.”

“I know. Jeno is nice.” The older sighs once again. “I’ll try to talk to Jaemin about it, but I doubt it’ll change anything.”

Chenle hums in response and, just a few seconds later, starts ranting about how his mother was unable to stop buying stuff on impulse. The previous topic quickly leaves Renjun’s mind completely.

 

 

 

 

The doorbell rings early morning. In just a few seconds, a very excited Jaemin is throwing himself on top of Renjun. “Jaemin!” The older cries out. “Go away from me, let me sleep.”

“Nuh-uh, it’s eleven you should be awake by now.”

“Says who?”

“Your mother.” Jaemin starts to tickle his friend who tries his best to slap him anywhere he could get his hands on.

“I hate you so much, get off me!” Renjun kicks him in the stomach and the other grunts. “That’s what you deserve.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes and rubs his belly. “Just get up and shut up, ugh.” He says and walks out of the room, probably towards the living room where Renjun’s parents were.

Renjun hits his pillow and looks up at his ceiling, he knew Jaemin was coming over but he didn’t know it’d be at eleven in the morning. After a few minutes, he manages to wiggle himself out of his bed and walk out of his room. Doyoung’s bedroom door is still closed. “Bastard.” Renjun mutters bitterly, his brother would get to sleep how much he wanted meanwhile he had a hyper Jaemin waiting to be entertained in his living room. Technically, it was his fault for inviting him over, but he wouldn’t admit that to himself.

“Good morning angel.” His mother gets up and squeezes his cheeks. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Uh, cereal will do but thank you.” Renjun smiles and heads to the kitchen, completely oblivious to the fact that his friend was following behind. He almost drops the milk carton when he turns around to find Jaemin smiling brightly in front of him. “Jesus Christ-“

“Nah sorry, just Jaemin here.”

Renjun rolls his eyes and grabs the cereal box. “You’re not funny.”

“I’d like to think otherwise.”

“Wait, you capable of thinking?” He snickers and Jaemin raises his fist in the air. “So, what were you talking about to my parents to make them believe you’re an exemplary kid?”

“Yah, _I am_ one.”

“Are we going to ignore the whole smoking weed and partying part?” Renjun pokes his tongue out.

Jaemin comes closer, his fist still raised up high. “Fuck off.”

They chat about random things that happened in school during the week until Renjun finishes eating and they head to the room once again. “Wanna go out or?”

“What do you want?” Jaemin isn’t even looking at him, his eyes are busy scanning the room even though he goes to Renjun’s house more than three times a month and the room looks the same since 2015.

“We could stay and play WII.” Renjun shrugs, truthfully he still felt sleepy so going out did not sound very inviting.

“Sounds good.” 

The morning passes by quickly, they alternate between Mario Kart and some singing game Renjun’s dad had given him a few years back. Doyoung wakes up due to their singing and comes inside the living room looking like a zombie. “Can you guys like… not?”

Their mom comes behind him and places her hands on the boy’s shoulder. “First of all, it’s time for you to wake up. Secondly, they actually sing very well so don’t go around spreading your negative energies.”

Doyoung is about to speak again but is cut off by Jaemin. “If you’re about to trash our singing, fight me.” He narrows his eyes and Doyoung copies him.

“All of you sing very well!” She sighs dramatically. “Just ignore this angsty creature over here, kids.”

The younger snort at the offended look in Doyoung’s face, the boy is about to square up but his mother drags him out of the room before he can say or do anything else.

 

They’re laying on Renjun’s balcony floor sunbathing while the sun is still up, the noise of traffic and of people chatting on the street being the only thing disturbing the peaceful atmosphere. Renjun opens one of his eyes and instantly regrets it when the bright sunshine burns his cornea. “I wanna dye my hair.” He says and Jaemin reacts almost instantly.

“Really?!” The boy smiles widely. “What colour?”

The older sits up and rubs his chin. “Grey? Light brown?”

“Yes! Yes, when do you want to do it?” He clasps his hand together. “Today? We still have time.”

“I didn’t ask my mother, though.”

Jaemin grabs his wrist and forces him to stand up. “We’re gonna ask now.” Renjun groans but the other pretends to not hear it and drags him inside the bedroom. Jaemin practically runs around the house trying to find Renjun’s parents and, when he finally finds them cuddling on the couch watching some sort of show, he starts talking without even waiting for Renjun to catch up to him. “Renjun had a brilliant idea!”

“When does he not?” Renjun’s mom chuckles.

“Would you let him dye his hair?” As soon as the words leave his mouth, a panting Renjun appears by the door.

His parents look at each other for a few seconds before turning back to Jaemin. “Uh, well.” They look at Renjun who comes closer with small steps. “I guess so? If you ruin it then it’s your own fault, though.” Jaemin jumps happily and forces Renjun to copy him. “There’s some money in my purse.”

Just as they were about to leave the room, someone calls out for them and they stop in their tracks. “I will love you even if you go bald, son.” Mr. Huang says and everyone snorts but Renjun who looks at Jaemin with pleading eyes.

“Jaemin I’m not sure-“ He starts but the younger is already dragging him away once again.

“We’re going to make you the hottest bitch out there.” Jaemin laughs almost manically as he grabs some money from the white purse. “If you go bald, I guess we already know who you’ll be for Carnival.”

“I am not going as Aang, fuck you.” He crosses his arms.

The other bats his eyelashes annoyingly close to Renjun’s face. “I can go as Katara if that makes you feel better.”

“It doesn-“ He starts but Jaemin is already out of the door.

 

 

They’re told to sit down and wait for their turn as soon as they come inside, the lady hands them a few books filled with pictures of different looking haircuts and Jaemin has the time of his life making fun of some of them. “This one, do this one.” He snorts and points as a woman with only one of her sides shaved.

“That’s what will happen to you if I end up losing my hair because of this.” He mutters through his teeth and sinks in his seat.

“Your idea, not mine.” He shrugs and flips the page. “Plus, if Jeno bleached his hair that many times and isn’t bald, then you’ll be fine.” Renjun knows he’s right, but the irrational part of his brain is yelling that it is a bad idea to dye your hair and that he’s going to be bald and ugly.

After what seemed like hours, one of the ladies finally calls out for him and Jaemin has to physically make him stand up by tugging at his arm. He sits on the big black chair and looks at himself in the mirror, his dark hair looked just fine and contrasted prettily with his pale skin. “Why did I ever think this would be a good idea?” The boy cries out quietly enough that only he can hear.

“So,” The hairdresser smiles and runs her fingers through Renjun’s dark locks. “What do you want?”

Renjun looks at Jaemin in the mirror and his friend gives him two thumbs up. “Uh, light brown? Or ash blonde?” He gulps but she nods frantically, which he had not expected at all.

“Oh yes! Such a great choice I think it’ll fit you perfectly!” She visibly brightens up and rotates the chair so Renjun is facing her. “Let’s wash your hair first, yes?”

He loves when people touch his hair, or getting massages in general, however the angle at which his head has to be positioned hurts his neck so badly that he can’t focus properly on how good the woman’s fingers feel on his scalp. She washes his hair twice, which seems a bit excessive since he showers every two days, but it doesn’t matter because the sweet smell of strawberry makes him forget the neck pains for a few minutes.

Once he’s back on the original chair, Renjun touches his hair and silently says goodbye to it. “This will be a long evening, with lots of bleaching.” The woman warns him. “So get ready.”

 

It does, indeed, take many hours. Renjun tries his best to ignore the reflection in the mirror by playing with his phone or talking to Jaemin who seems more pleased about the whole ordeal than him. “You’re going to look so fine.”

“Thanks, meaning I don’t look good now.” Renjun rolls his eyes.

“You just look like a typical pretty boy.” He shrugs. “Now everyone is going to acknowledge you!” _Perfect_ , that was literally the last thing he wished and now there was no going back.

Sometimes it would burn, like someone was pouring boiling water on his head and he couldn’t make it stop. The hairdresser said it was normal due to the bleaching, but that didn’t make Renjun less nervous about the whole thing. “Is my scalp going to come out alive?” He whines and she laughs but doesn’t answer his question. So _, no_ , it wasn’t.

Finally the bleaching came to an end and he had to decide which colour he wanted, he refused to stare at the mirror but Jaemin made sure to take some pictures of bleach blonde Renjun even if he had begged for him to put his phone away. “You’re an asshole.” He growls while two of the hairdressers are busy touching his hair.

“I’m aware.” His friend chuckles. “You look good! I’ll show you later.”

Renjun still has his eyes closed, but rolls them nevertheless. “What is going on right now?” He asks the ladies surrounding him.

“We’re putting the dye on, darling.” One of them reply. “Your friend is right, you look good. And this dye will look even better than the blonde.”

He mutters a ‘Thank you’ but doesn’t believe a word of it, he was sure he would have to come back a few days after to dye it black once again. After the women were done with their job, Renjun finally opens his eyes and stares at himself. His hair was poking out everywhere with some blue looking substance covering it. “I didn’t ask for blue.” He starts to panic but the hairdresser places her hand on his shoulder and shakes her head.

“No, no. That’s going to be ash blonde, don’t worry.” She gives him a motherly smile and he relaxes.

“That’s an excellent idea, though.” Jaemin’s voice comes from somewhere behind him, he doesn’t bother trying to figure out where. “You can be a smurf for Carnival instead of Aang.”

“Which? Brainy smurf? Then you can be the lazy one.” Renjun snorts.

“Nah, smurfette would be more appropriate.”

Renjun stands up and looks around for his friend who is sitting by the window with his phone in his hands, he glares at him once their eyes lock together. “I’m going to strangle you.” He threatens.

“Kinky.” Is all he says before moving his attention to his phone once again. “I’ll ask Jeno if he wants to join our little smurf cosplay.” He whispers, but Renjun is too busy observing his hair to hear it.

 

 

That was not him, well it was, but not quite. He looked older, the once black locks were now pretty ash blonde just like he had chosen and it made him at least two years older. Jaemin is awe struck behind him, almost as badly as he is. “Holy shit.” Renjun croaks out and touches his hair to make sure it is real. “It looks good?”

“Of course it does! I told you so!” The hairdresser giggles.

It takes a few minutes for both boys to come back to their senses, Jaemin blinks three times and starts messing with the newly dyed locks like a kid that just got new toy. “Woah my little Renjunnie looks amazing!” He pampers.

Renjun slaps his hands away and fixes his hair. “Guess I won’t be Aang nor Smurfette this Carnival.” He chuckles and finally gets up. “Let’s go, if I don’t leave right now I might end up spending hours playing with my hair.”

They say their goodbyes to the women and, as soon as they step out, Jaemin goes back to playing with Renjun’s hair shamelessly. “I might kiss you.” He blurts out.

“What?!” Renjun pushes him away. “Stop, you’ll make it greasy with your oil filled hands.”

“They are clean believe me or not.”

“Well, I don’t. I know you didn’t clean them after you ate that pack of chips this evening.”

Jaemin opens and closes his mouth. “I forgot about that.” Renjun doesn’t ever bother rolling his eyes or glaring at him, he had no energy left from all the hours they had spent inside the hairdresser.

As soon as the door to his house is opened, there are two pairs of hands on his hair and the boy groans loudly. “My baby! You look so beautiful!” His mother yells and his father stands next to her with a big smile on his face.

“So handsome, I can’t believe I created him.” The man snorts and then there’s a third person by the door looking at him wide eyed.

“Holy guacamole.” Doyoung whispers. “That is not my little bro.”

Jaemin elbows Renjun’s ribs lightly and smirks. “Yes, it is and he is ready to go out there break some hearts now.”

After a long session of compliments, Renjun pushes them all away and checks if his hair is not a greasy mess on the big mirror by the entrance. “Okay, enough, no more touching my hair.”

“But it’s so soft now!” Mrs. Huang pouts and comes closer again.

“No!” He protests and moves away slightly. “You’ll have lots of time to appreciate it, enough with the touching.”

Everyone groans but nods and goes away to what they were doing before. “I have to go, my mom already sent me a message like five minutes ago saying she’s waiting for me outside but I was having too much fun with your hair.” Jaemin smirks.

“I could tell.” Renjun says bitterly but pulls his friend into a tight hug and waves him goodbye by his door. Once the car drives away, Renjun runs to the bathroom. He had so much homework to do, but his hair was so mesmerizing that he totally forgot about being the good student he was. It was so odd looking at himself because it did look like him, but at the same time it didn’t. And he loved it, loved looking new and fresh.

Maybe he did not regret _this one_ life decision.

 

 

 

 

Being the centre of attention sucked. His classmates were crowding around him taking turns at touching his hair and Renjun was on the verge of yelling for them to leave him alone but Jaemin gives him _the look_  so he fakes a smile.

“You look so handsome!” One of the girls exclaims and twirls a strand around her index finger.

There are a few sounds of agreement and Jaemin smiles like a proud dad. “Ah, thank you.” Renjun chuckles awkwardly, pretending the best he can that he wasn’t worrying about whether his hair would look awfully greasy after they finally stopped playing with it. _Why were they so amazed by it, anyways?_

It only stops when the teacher enters the classroom and slams his books on the table, Renjun sits next to Jaemin with a loud sigh. “You’re on the rise.” Jaemin bumps his shoulder on his friend’s playfully. “What’s with that look?”

“I fucking hate it.” The boy mutters as he opens his pencil case and takes a pen out. “I hope the hype dies down soon.” Jaemin looks offended but doesn’t say anything else since the teacher had already given them a dirty look and he didn’t want to risk getting in trouble.

 

The sound of the school’s bell never sounded so sweet, Renjun grabs his things and sprints away from his classmates before any of them can touch his hair again. Jaemin had already left school an hour or so ago so he walks down the street alone silently praying that his swimming team would not have the same reaction as his classmates. Much to his disappointment, the moment he steps inside the busy changing room, everyone starts yelling and whistling. “Dayum Renjun!” Donghyuck raises his eyebrow. “Looking good.”

Renjun mutters a quick thanks and tries his best to dodge whoever tries to come too close to his hair. The hype dies down way faster and he’s thankful, the boys go back to getting ready for practice and so he does but stops when he feels someone’s presence next to him. “Yes?” He asks as he looks up, Jeno is leaning against the wall shamelessly staring at him.

“You look good.” He blurts out and chuckles. “Why did you dye it?”

“Honestly?” Renjun licks his lips nervously and busies himself by placing his things inside one of the locker. “I thought your hair looked nice and got curious about dyeing my hair.”

Jeno’s eyes widen slightly. “Seriously? Well, I’m glad I dyed it then.”

The older lets out a breathy laugh before slamming the locker shut and walking out of the room, his daily tolerance of social interaction was starting to run out. He was already late for practice anyways.

Practice went as it always did, they did their stretching exercises and Jaemin almost broke Renjun’s arm in the process once again then the real thing started and Renjun felt he could finally relax for the first time that day. Donghyuck’s feet hit his face in a total for three times, but he was used to that too since the other still refused to switch places. Renjun was starting to think he just wanted to be right behind Mark during practice.

There was something so pleasing about how his muscles ached after each practice (whenever he’d tell Jaemin that his friend would look at him like he was some sort of masochist), knowing he had given his best let him sleep better at night. Jaemin looked just fine, however. His friend kept jumping here and there, telling everyone about his new target and how she was _obviously_ into him.

Renjun doesn’t even bother with it and fast walks his way to the showers which are almost full by the time he gets there. He places his shampoo and shower gel near his feet and turns on the water, his body relaxes almost instantly as the boiling water runs down his body. It also goes tense once again just as fast when someone speaks up to his right. “Hey, uh, you should use this special shampoo when you dye your hair.” Jeno points at the bottle he was holding with ‘Coloured Hairs Only’ written in big letters. “You can use mine!”

The boy blinks a few times before smiling softly, Jeno smiles back and hands him the shampoo. Renjun analyses the bottle for a few seconds before pouring the substance in his hand and placing the bottle on the floor next to Jeno. “Thank you, I didn’t know.”

“No problem.” The blonde replies with his eyes closed as the water his him straight in the face. Renjun finds himself staring and turns his back to the younger, his eyes drift toward someone else whose smirk is so big that almost fills his whole face.

“Shut up.” Renjun mouths at Jaemin who simply shrugs, pretending to have no clue what he meant.

Jeno thankfully leaves a few minutes after with a quick goodbye, his luck doesn’t last long because he is soon replaced by Jaemin. “So,” He starts and Renjun washes his hair the fastest he can. “My little Renjun is finally showing interest in someone?”

“First of all, I’m older.” Renjun growls. “And, no. What makes you say that?”

Jaemin laughs, _laughs._ “You think I’m stupid? You looked at Jeno like he was a piece of Korean beef.”

“I did _not._ ” He protests and turns off the water. “I’m going.”

“You can run, but you can’t hide!” The younger shouts as Renjun steps out.

“I fucking wish I could.” Renjun murmurs to himself and takes his bag from the locker a bit more aggressively than he should.

Jaemin takes ages in the shower and, by the time Renjun is fully clothed and ready to go, the younger walks inside the changing room with Donghyuck by his side and a big smile on his face. Renjun would often wonder if Jaemin had somehow glued a permanent smile onto his face, he couldn’t remember the last time it wasn’t there. “You’re going?” He eyes Renjun up and down.

“I can wait, if you want.” Renjun offers with a shrug but Jaemin shakes his head, a few droplets of water land on his face. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Halfway through his way up the stairs, someone grabs his wrist and he freezes on his spot. “Don’t look so mortified.” Jeno snorts and lets go of Renjun’s bony wrist. “Thought you’d like some company.”

“Ah.” He rubs his nape. “I live nearby so I don’t need to wait for the bus.”

“I see.” The other shrugs and starts walking up the stairs. “Doesn’t matter.”

It takes a while but Renjun finally unfreezes and follows the boy, unintentionally analysing his broad back. He moves his eyes to somewhere else before Jeno turns around once again, his heart hammers in his chest and he mentally scolds himself for being so nervous. “I’m going now.” Renjun murmurs but Jeno stops him by, once again, grabbing his wrist. He wants to protests but the younger is quicker.

“It’s raining.” He says but Renjun’s brain doesn’t process it so he points to the door. “You sure you want to go?”

“It’s fine, it’s not that bad.” Renjun presses his face against the glass door, his hair was still wet anyways, so why not? “Thank you, though.”

Jeno wiggles his arms slightly so that his bag would slide down his arm and rummages through it with a frown on his face. Renjun watches the scene curiously and snorts when the younger curses under his breath.

He finally finds what he was looking for, a simple black umbrella with a logo of some sort of on one of the sides. “Take it.” Jeno shoves it on the other’s hands.

“Jeno, no.” Renjun furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head. “You’ll get wet without it!”

“I take the bus, it’s okay!” He insists.

The older eyes the umbrella in his hands, part of him wanted to give it back but the other wasn’t so keen on getting soaked wet. “I- Thank you.” The boy looks up at Jeno with a shy smile. "I'll give it back tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, then.” He smiles.

Renjun copies the gesture without being aware of it. “See you tomorrow.”

 

 

 

 

The day of their first competition finally comes around. Renjun wakes up early morning, before anyone else is awake, and gets ready quietly. The streets are just as quiet as his house, only a few cars would pass by every five minutes or so, the boy feels somewhat scared but pushes himself to think of something else.

As he kicks the fallen brown leafs on the grown, Renjun wonders if he will do well enough. If they’ll finally be moved to their allocated changing rooms or not, it had been so long since the whole team had done well. Usually, it’d be Jeno or Jaemin winning medals and the rest getting average results. He wanted to be better than average this time.

Ahead, there is already a crowd forming around the bus. Renjun speeds up, the cold morning breeze had already made the tip of his fingers numb and the prospect of warmness just ahead was motivational enough for him to stop his lazy walk. The boy enters the bus at light speed and searches for Jaemin who was sitting at the back with the rest of his group, he waves at him and his friend waves back. “Renjunnie! I thought you’d never come.”

“I woke up later than usual.” He admits and throws his bag on a free seat.

“Lazy are we?” The coach shows up behind him making Renjun shriek. “Already? The day has just started.”

“Sorry sir.” The boy lets out a breathy laugh.

His coach decides to ignore him and raises his voice. “Is everybody here?!” There is a choir of ‘yes’. “Good, even if someone is missing they deserve to be left behind for being late.”

 

There’s this ‘ritual game’ they always play when they have to go somewhere as a team, and Renjun absolutely hates it. They split into two teams and each team choses a number randomly from one to how many they are per team. Then they discuss what the dares can be, and usually they’re not exactly what Renjun wishes they were. One was usually kiss on the mouth, two was kiss on the cheek, three was a French kiss, four was sitting on someone’s lap, five was taking a piece of clothing and so on for how many players they were.

He always tries his best to ignore them the moment someone suggests to play but Jaemin, being the little bitch he is, would force his friend to tag along with him. _Every single time_. Renjun didn’t have a say in it, before he could even protest the other was already shouting. “Renjun is joining!”

So there he was, watching as two of his teammates makeout in the back of the bus. The coach is completely oblivious to what all the shouting is about and Renjun seriously wishes he could switch bodies with him. “Jaemin I don’t want to do that.” He whines but his friend shrugs him off.

His turn does come around at some point, luckily after a really long time, and the boy only needs to take a piece of his clothing. “I’m lucky today.” He mumbles, mostly to himself, as he takes his jacket off.

“No jam!” Jamin frowns but soon forgets it and goes back to paying attention to the game. Renjun doesn’t care if he’s not fun, he wasn’t about to turn into a slut and take his pants inside the bus in front of his colleges. Jaemin would, he knows he would. “Renjun again!”

Renjun’s head snaps up, he was not expecting his turn to come around so soon once again. “Me?!”

“Yes, Jeno said four to six. You have to sit on his lap.” His friend says excitedly but Renjun would rather die.

“Can I pass?” He whispers to him, making sure the rest can’t hear him.

“Dude, Jeno will be offended.”

And that is the reason why Renjun was currently on top of Jeno’s legs trying his best to relax but failing miserably. “It’s only for five minutes.” Jeno chuckles and puts his arms around Renjun’s waist making the older choke on his spit. He knows it’s so he doesn’t fall, b _ut still._

Five minutes feel like an hour, he wonders if his bones are poking the younger’s legs, or if hes too heavy (he snorts right away at that) but Jeno seems to be the happiest he could get judging by the permanent eyesmile in his face. “All good?” He asks after a while noticing how Renjun still hadn’t relaxed. “You look tense.”

“I- I never like-“ Renjun wheezes out. “I play the game but-“

“You beat your foot.” It's a statement but Renjun nods nevertheless. The name of the game was ‘Beat your Foot’ which came from the fact that, if you really didn’t want to do the dare, you could beat your foot and deny the request. He never meant to offend anybody whenever he’d do it, he just didn’t want to give his first kiss away like that or kiss someone he didn’t like. “Low blow, dude.”

“I didn’t want to reject you, though.” He whispers, secretly hoping the blonde hadn’t heard it. Jeno doesn’t answer back, but his hold becomes tighter and Renjun feels as if he can’t breathe anymore.

“Five minutes are over!” One of them shouts and Jeno lets go reluctantly.

“It’s cold now.” He pouts and Renjun chuckles nervously before running back to his place.

The game keeps going, Renjun is only picked again once more and beats his foot against the floor as soon as the word kiss is heard. Everyone groans but keep going without complaining too much and Renjun is glad, he too hates being the party pooper.

Finally the bus came to a stop, which meant the game was over. Renjun sighs in relief and they all leave the bus. “Alright, you guys already know how this works. There are crackers for you to eat if you were dumb enough to not bring a snack, there’s also water because we can’t have you passing out. Stay close and don’t go wandering around when your turn to swim is near.” The coach informs. “Let’s get some medals, yeah?”

There are a few snorts here and there, but for the most part everyone seems excited about the prospect of winning something.

They find a good place and throw their bags into a pile. The competition wouldn’t start for a while so they gather around and chat, Renjun sits near Jaemin who won’t shut up about his newest party affair to the rest of his friends. Jeno meets his eyes and raises his eyebrows, Renjun copies him and they both chuckle. “What are you laughing at?!” Jaemin looks at the older with an offended expression.

“It wasn’t about your story, don’t worry.” Renjun promises and his friend nods, going back to telling his story.

“I’m going to check on my parents.” Jeno cuts the boy and waves everybody goodbye.

It’s silent for a while, then one of them speaks up just as the blonde disappears out of sight. “Guys, have you noticed how big Jeno is?!”

Renjun furrows his eyebrows, w _hat?_ Yes, Jeno was considered tall and all that, but everyone could see it from miles away. “Dude, what?” The one to his right chuckles.

“Like his dick, you can see it through his fucking shorts.” He explains and Renjun coughs loudly, not even Jaemin who starts patting his back can stop the fit. “Nobody else noticed?”

“Yeah, I did.” Jaemin shrugs. “Good for him, I guess. I would be more interested if I wasn’t like, into girls and all that jazz.”

“I’m into girls as well, dude.”

“Sure doesn’t look like it.” Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows and looks at Renjun worriedly. “You good now?”

“Uh- Yeah.” Renjun croaks out. “Better.”

When Jeno comes back, Renjun can’t get himself to look at him. Not that it was the blonde’s fault but his brain kept telling himself to look at places that were definitely not the face and Renjun couldn’t take the risk of that happening.

His plan works for a while, but he can’t ignore the other for the whole day, so when Jeno starts talking directly towards him, Renjun almost chokes on his spit. He tries to stay calm and not move his gaze lower than the other’s head, but then Jeno spreads his legs and his plans go straight down the drain.

The dude was right, you could see it and Renjun hates himself for not looking up straight away. Once his eyes meet Jeno’s once again, the blonde is blushing and he closes his legs with a loud slap. “I’m-I’m sorry!”

Jeno just laughs it off and keeps on talking like it never happened. It happens a few more times, though, but Jeno never mentions it. Renjun doesn’t know how to feel about that, and he secretly hopes the other would go away so that he wouldn’t embarrass himself further in front of him.

“Why can’t I stop looking?!” Renjun mumbles to himself once he finally leaves. The boy gets up after a few seconds of mentally scolding himself and tries to find his coach in the middle of the crowd. “Coach?”

The man moves his attention from the pool to the boy standing next to him. “Yes, Renjun?”

“Could I possibly go away for a bit? I’m going to go see my friend, he’s from another team.” He asks, hoping with all his strength that the man would say yes.

“I trust you, don’t miss your round and we’re all good.” The coach smiles softly and pats his on the back.

Renjun bows a few times before running as fast he could through the middle of the crowd.

 

 

Hanging with Chenle and Jisung ended up always in him thirdwheeling no matter what. Not that they were the typical lame couple that wouldn’t stop being all over each other, but Renjun did not understand their inside jokes and would often feel left out. It was only normal, Chenle and Jisung saw each other almost everyday and Renjun only saw them a few days every two months.

He stares at the two with a blank expression and goes back to eating the cracker from the pack he had stolen from his coach. Chenle was laughing loudly at some stupid joke Jisung had blurted out that made no sense to him. “Dude, they’ll think there’s dolphins in the pool with that laugh of yours.” Renjun glares at Chenle who pokes his tongue out and tries his best to contain his laughter.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Jisung smirks and Chenle almost lets out a laugh.

“My what?!” He chokes on the cracker, Chenle throws him a water bottle right away. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

“Oh, so you know who I’m referring to then.”

Renjun would’ve punched him but he knew Chenle would kill him if he did, so he tries his best to sound calmer than he felt. “I’m guessing Jeno since your boyfriend over there can’t keep his mouth shut.” Both of them freeze on the spot and Renjun smirks to himself knowing he had touched a sensitive topic. “Oh, my bad. You guys aren’t dating.”

Jisung snarls and pokes Chenle’s side so that the boy would leave his lap. “Try me.”

“I’ll strangle you, bitch.” Renjun wiggles his fingers on the other’s face.

“He will, so sit down.” Chenle giggles and pushes Jisung back onto the chair. “When do we have to go?” He asks obviously trying to change the topic.

“In an hour or so, my coach said I could go out and eat lunch so there’s plenty of time.” The older takes a small bite on a new cracker.

“Why didn’t you?” His friend furrows his eyebrows.

Renjun shrugs. “I barely see you, I thought it’d be a good idea to spend some time together.” He admits and Chenle squeaks loudly before throwing himself on top of Renjun. “The chair is going to break!”

“Fuck it! That was the lamest shit you’ve said to me in months.” He places a loud smooch on the older’s forehead. “I thought you didn’t want to be with your team or something.”

 _That too_. “Get off me.” Renjun pushes him away. “Jisung might get jealous.”

The youngest snarls once again and points his middle finger dangerously close to Renjun’s nostril. “I will kill you, noodle boy.”

“You look like bamboo stick yourself.” Renjun snorts, eyeing the boy up and down. “Don’t know how Chenle hasn’t broken your bones.”

“Did you just call me fat?” Chenle gasps, Jisung’s expression goes from offended to smug in a matter of seconds. “He might not be able to kill you by himself, but the two of us would. Don’t test your luck.”

Renjun throws his arms in the air in surrender.

 

 

Waiting for your turn to compete is always nerve-wracking for everybody, they’re told to wait inside a special room without any information about how long their wait will be. Renjun’s nails suffer the most, he wouldn’t stop biting them due to the stress even if Chenle tried his best to stop him from doing it. “They look ugly now, good job idiot.” His friend scolds but Renjun just shrugs. “Why are you so stressed?!”

“I want to do well this time.”

“You always do.”

Renjun sighs loudly. “Not good enough.”

“What do you usually do for hundred meters backstroke?” Jisung butts in.

“I think my best was one minute and twenty or so seconds.” The older pouts. “It’s seriously not good enough, I need to get better by at least ten seconds.”

Chenle pats him on the back softly. “Hey, I believe you can do it! Fighting!” He cheers and Jisung copies him.

“Thanks guys, I wish you two lots of luck too.” Renjun smiles softly and tries his best to not go back to biting his nails. Chenle was right, they looked ugly now.

He’s staring blankly at the floor when someone pats his shoulder lightly, Renjun looks up to find Jeno grinning at him. “Came by to wish you good luck!” The boy exclaims and Renjun swears he can see Chenle and Jisung smirk from the corner of his eye.

“Ah,” He scratches the back of his neck. “So considerate, thank you.”

“It’s nothing! The whole team is out there waiting for you to swim.” Jeno points at the little window, there were lots of people from different teams gathered up at one side of the pool waiting for their teammates’ turn.

Renjun smiles brightly. “I hope I do well, I’m really nervous.” The stupid sensation in his stomach wouldn’t go away no matter what, he felt like he could puke at any second.

“Don’t be! Just do your best, this is for fun anyways.” The younger shrugs and places his hand on Renjun’s bony shoulder. “I’ll get going now, fighting!”

As soon as the blonde leaves the room, the other two boys are already throwing themselves on top of Renjun teasing him about how his boyfriend was super supportive and how cute it was. Even if it was annoying, it managed to get his mind off the competition and neither of them noticed when they were being called by the lady. It was only when she screamed their names that reality hit them and Renjun started shaking all over the place.

“Seriously, this isn’t even a serious competition. Stop or you’ll pass out.” Chenle whispers as they walk to their allocated lanes.

They split apart, Renjun being in lane two, Jisung in the fifth and Chenle in the seventh. Renjun takes his shirt off and wiggles his limbs as a warmup. Then, when the man who was in charge of counting the time he’d take to complete the lap warned him they’d be going up in just a few minutes, he puts his swimming goggles and cap on and moves away from the white chair. He’s shaking, and that’s bad, but he can’t help the stupid nervousness roaring inside him.

Ahead, his teammates are waving and chanting his name. Renjun waves back and lets out a shaky giggle, he just wished he wouldn’t let everybody down and get a medal.

The first whistle is heard, Renjun jumps inside the pool right away. The water is freezing which doesn’t help with how shaky his limbs were but he tries his best to get into position nevertheless. There is a curt pause and then the second whistle echoes inside the hall, Renjun dives in. He tries his best to remember his coach’s advice, move your legs like a mermaid, stay underwater for as long as possible, look graceful but don’t forget speed.

Renjun closes his eyes tightly together and comes out of the water, he starts moving his legs as quickly as he can while his upper body moves with grace. Arms out, hand pointing at the ceiling, arms in. He knows the end of the pool is close once the stairs show up in the corner of his eye, so he looks back slightly and gets ready to turn.

He can hear the chants now and turns, the wall in right in front of his face and he flips. His feet touch the wall and he pushes the hardest he can but time suddenly seems to stop, Jeno is in the front with his fist in the air and a smile that could blind anyone. Renjun smiles back and smoothly moves his body in a wave-like motion, it is only then that he remembers his competitors.

There’s no one by his side so he panics. _Am I that far back?_ He wonders and starts moving faster upwards. Once he’s out of the water, the boy starts swimming like his life depends on it and forgets the world around him. Forgets Chenle and Jisung, forgets his teammates, forgets Jeno, because the only thing inside his head is not being the last.

His hand smashes against the wall and he looks to his side, nobody. “What?!” He furrows his eyebrows. There are loud yells coming from the other side of the pool, his teammates are jumping up and down and yelling like crazy monkeys.

Then he notices the rest of the boys are still swimming. He had been first.

Renjun smiles wider than ever before and raises himself to look at the board with the times, one minute and eleven seconds. “Holy shit.” He mumbles. “I made it?!”

There is a final whistle signalizing it was over, Renjun looks for his friends and finds Chenle speaking (yelling) to Jisung a few meters away. He snorts and follows the boy next to him towards the stairs, his legs are shaking so badly that Renjun thinks he might fall at any second. He grabs his things, not bothering to put his shirt on, and wobbles his way to his team who greet him with more shouting. “Renjun you did so well!” Jaemin yells the loudest and hugs him tightly. “I’m a proud mother.”

He’s about to complain and say he’s older than Jaemin but it doesn’t matter, not when he had gotten the best result of the team so far. Jeno comes closer, his eyesmile making Renjun’s legs shaky once more. “I’m proud of you.” He squeezes Renjun’s shoulder and the older giggles softly.

“Thank you. I made it!” He exclaims.

“Yes! Yes, you did.” Jeno’s smile widens.

 

 

In the end, Renjun is third place overall. Everyone promises to buy him dinner for winning a bronze medal for the team and the boy couldn’t be happier, free food was always welcomed.

However the day was far from over and Renjun still had medley relay to do. He was back inside the room but, this time, with three other teammates. Renjun went first doing his speciality; backstroke, then came Donghyuck with breaststroke followed by Jeno who was in charge of butterfly and it ended with their ace; Jaemin with front crawl. “Fighting guys!” Jaemin cheers noticing how Renjun was starting to look nervous once again. “Let’s just do our best and see how it turns out, yeah?”

Donghyuck doesn’t even care about what is going on, he was too busy eyeing the window for _obvious reasons_ and drooling all over his swimming trunks. “Dude, you better not be a lazy cunt like always.” Jeno hits the other in the chin to close his mouth. “If you want to impress Mark then do your best.”

“Wait what- I never said-“ He chokes out but shuts up once Jeno and Jaemin give him the ‘ _we know’_ look. “Fine.”

“Good!” Jaemin exclaims and slaps Renjun’s thigh softly. “Hey, stop stressing over it.”

“Coach says that if you fuck up the beginning then it’s basically over.” Renjun sighs.

“You did so well just a few hours ago! You’ll be fine.” Jeno gives him two thumbs up. “Your friend is coming, by the way.”

Renjun raises his head and looks around, Chenle is walking their way with Jisung and two other guys he has seen around. “Hey!” He greets them all with a big smile. “How are you?”

“Renjun over here is a nervous wreck.” Jaemin chuckles.

“When is he not?” Jisung teases and Renjun looks ready to strangle him right in front of everyone.

 

Jaemin has always been a good mood maker so it’s no surprise that, only a few minutes after, the mood had totally changed. Chenle was now in the middle of explaining who was going to do what in the medley relay, Renjun was so focused on hearing what his friend had to say that he had, in fact, forgotten all about how nervous he felt. “Jisung over here, he does the front crawl. I do breaststrokes. Tae goes against Renjun and Hong is in charge of butterfly!”

Jeno looks at his opponent with a smug expression that doesn’t go unnoticed by Renjun, he knew the blonde always had a manly aura around him due to his sharp features and strong body but that expression tripled the effect. Renjun gulps and drifts his gaze towards Chenle who wiggles his eyebrows at him noticing the look Renjun had previously given to Jeno. “Stop.” The older mouths but his friend finds it way too amusing to tease him to stop.

They’re called by the same woman as before, Donghyuck takes his sweet time getting up from the chair making them all late. “If you don’t stop trying to annoy us I will actually hit you.” Jeno threatens and Renjun tries to ignore the stupid feeling growing inside his stomach caused by the blonde’s tone of voice.

Chenle’s team is right next to his this time. They take their shirts off and help each other put their caps on, then chat for a while until the first whistle is heard and everyone wishes Renjun good luck before the boy jumps inside the water. “It’s fucking freezing.” He cries out and the rest laugh.

They’re all crouching down so that they can see Renjun as he gets into position with his head in-between his arms. “You’re the best Junnie!” Jaemin says and Renjun snorts but his heart squeezes inside his chest at the cute nickname.

The second whistle is heard and Renjun flies into the air before he dives in, he repeats the same steps and tries to get his mind to wander so he doesn’t feel pressured by his competitors. He thinks of winning a gold medal, how awesome it would feel, how praised he would be.

He makes a turn and gives his all not caring if he’d reach the wall exhausted, he didn’t have to swim anymore for the day so it didn’t matter anymore. The moment his hand hits the wall, he catches a glimpse of Donghyuck jumping on top of him to start his turn. “You were first! Again!” Jeno shouts just above his head.

The older takes his cap and goggles off and smiles widely. “Seriously?!”

“Yes! You did a bit worse but only by two seconds and you were still first!” Jaemin adds.

Renjun gets out of the pool and watches as Donghyuck swims, they’re still first but not for much. “Let’s go Jeno, beat their asses dude!” Jaemin shouts and slaps Jeno’s butt.

The older looks at Jeno expecting the other to look pissed, but the boy laughs loudly and steps on top of the stand. “Good luck.” Renjun whispers and Jeno looks to his side.

“Cheer for me, yeah?” Is all he says before putting his goggles in place.

Donghyuck reaches the wall and the blonde dives in gracefully, Donghyuck soon joins them and the three observe the other as he submerges. “GO LEE JENO!” Jaemin shouts and Renjun flinches.

He would yell at Jaemin to shut up, but the view of Jeno’s back muscles whenever his arms left the water were too hypnotizing for him to do anything else. “Are you wet, Huang Renjun?” Someone asks next to him and he doesn’t need to turn his face to know who it is.

“Shut up Chenle, you’ll be swooning over Jisung’s arms once his turn comes around too.” He spits out, Chenle doesn’t even bother denying.

Jeno’s already on his way back once he looks back, the muscles on his arms were his new centre of attention. He comes out of his daze once Jaemin shouts for them to wish him luck, Donghyuck and Renjun give him some encouraging words just before Jeno hits the wall and the ace dives in.

Renjun crouches down and smiles at Jeno who is panting loudly. “You were excellent.”

“Was i? I’m glad. Are we far ahead?”

The older looks up and nods. “Yes, and Jaemin is just going to beat their asses even more.”

Jeno chuckles at that and moves out of the way for Jaemin who is already coming back while the rest are still on their way to finishing fifty meters. Renjun yells his friends name as loud as he can, the three of them create a little fanchant just a few seconds before the boy smacks the wall and then the chant turns into a mess of screams. “We fucking won!” Donghyuck screams so loudly that Renjun was sure even the people outside the pool could’ve heard it.

Jaemin hugs Jeno, who didn’t leave the pool after his turn was over, and they almost drown while they’re at it. “How fast were we?” Jaemin asks once the two of them finally leave the pool.

“Three minutes, fifty seconds.” Renjun answers.

“Damn, that’s the best we ever did. We’re on fire my dudes.” Jaemin does a tiny victory dance before they head to their team where they’re received with praises and more victory dances.

 

They end up winning in first place, Renjun can barely believe how well the day had been going for them. He was going to take two medals home, a bronze and a gold one, that was something he never thought he’d accomplish.

“I’m proud of you.” The coach pats his back later in the evening, when he’s relaxing as he watches other people swim. “You’ve improved a lot.”

“Thank you coach.” He bows his head down slightly. “I will try my very best from now on.”

Everyone is getting ready to give moral support to Donghyuck who is warming up on the other side of the pool, Jaemin holds a banner with their swimming club logo on it while the rest pass around the water and clear their throats. “He thinks he’s the shit anyways we don’t need to do much.” Jaemin snorts and cries out soon after when Mark’s elbow smacks against his ribs. “Protective boyfriend.”

Mark shoots him a sly smile and gives Donghyuck a thumbs up, the other makes a heart with his arms in response. Everyone gags but the two couldn’t care less and keep sending each other hearts until the whistle is heard and Donghyuck steps on the stand. “FIGHTING HYUCKIE!” Jeno yells.

As soon as the boy dives in, his teammates start chanting his name. Renjun joins in, adrenaline pumping in his veins even if he wasn’t the one swimming. Donghyuck smiles brightly once he comes closer to the wall, Renjun can see Mark do finger hearts to him from the corner of his eye.

Donghyuck doesn’t come first but he had broken his personal record so everyone greets him with loud cheers. The coach seems the happiest Renjun had seen him in all the years of coaching them, it was a nice sight and he hoped the team would keep on getting such good results.

Chenle shows up with Jisung by his side while they wait for Jeno’s turn to swim. “Who’s going now?” His friend asks.

“Jeno.” Renjun murmurs and the two boys share knowingly looks. “Shut up.”

“We didn’t say anything.” Jisung shrugs.

“I can read your mind.” He smirks and turns to Chenle, changing to Mandarin. “He is thinking about hugging you in his mind.”

Chenle’s cheeks turn pink and he laughs awkwardly, Jisung looks like a lost puppy. “What? What did he say Lele?”

The nickname doesn’t help the situation one bit and the shade of pink grows darker on Chenle’s pale skin. Renjun ignores Jisung and keeps on going. “How much longer is he going to pretend he is straight and not madly in love with you?”

“Just as long as you will take to admit you like Jeno.” Chenle pokes his tongue out and Renjun chokes on his spit at the remark.

“Jeno?! What are you guys talking about?!” The youngest stares at both of them with an exasperated look. “Stop being such bilingual assholes and tell me.”

“You now know how I feel whenever you guys make inside jokes right in front of my face.” Renjun says, ignoring Jisung’s pleas to tell him what they had talked about. Chenle didn’t seem to want to explain either even if the younger promised to buy him whatever food he’d want if Chenle told him.

After a few more minutes of waiting, Jeno comes out of the room and walks towards his allocated lane. Renjun follows him with his eyes, the shirt he had been given with their club’s logo was starting to become too tight on him making his chest prominent. His tight jammer swimsuit wasn’t helping either, his legs weren’t exactly thick but they were muscly and perfectly shaped. Renjun’s face heats up and he looks away.

Chenle pokes his shoulder to get his attention. “Stop denying it.” He whispers even though he’s speaking in Mandarin. “What are you so afraid of?”

“I don’t know. Rejection? I never felt this before, it’s scary.” Renjun admits and Chenle smiles brightly at that.

“It’s okay. But just so you know, you’re being a hypocrite by pushing Jisung to understand his feeling when you’re scared of the same thing he is.” Once he faces Chenle and sees how serious he looks, Renjun sighs deeply.

“I know. I never understood why he didn’t just ask you out. I do now.” He bites his lip and looks over to Jeno who was massaging his arms. His shirt was no longer hiding the perfectly sculpted body, Renjun’s mouth goes dry. “It’s so scary.”

His friend pats him on the back and rubs his cheek on Renjun’s shoulder. “Hey, there is no rush. That’s why I don’t care if Jisung takes years to come to terms with it, I like what we have. Don’t think too much about it.”

He won’t. Well, he’ll try not to at least. “Thank you.” Renjun murmurs and sidehugs Chenle. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

The whistle snatches his attention away, Jeno dives in perfectly and comes out of the water a few seconds after. The view takes his breath away, Renjun swears he is trying to not focus so much on big Jeno’ muscles are but he can’t. He notices he isn’t cheering like everyone else and forces himself to join, but his gaze drifts back to the blonde and he lets his mouth hang open without even noticing.

Jeno touches the wall and looks up at them with a smug smile on his face, Renjun can’t get himself to do anything before the boy is already on his way back. The view was even more distracting now, he analyses how Jeno’s muscles contract and relax without thinking twice if he was being obvious or not. He probably was.

Renjun had seen the sight before. In fact, he had seen it just a few hours ago during relay, but in the middle of the crowd he didn’t feel awkward staring. Everyone else was too busy shouting and showing support to care about what he was doing, everyone but Chenle. “Don’t pop a boner in public like this, Junie.”

“I did not!” He whisper yells but looks down to make sure.

“Ah! You checked.” His friend teases and Renjun slaps him on the shoulder. “You zoomed out so bad, seriously.”

Renjun can feel his face heat up again, he knows Chenle is right and he hates it. “Let’s- Let’s not talk about this.”

Suddenly everyone starts yelling and Renjun turns to see Jeno with his hair poking out in weird places, swimming stuff in his hand and with a bright smile on his face. He’s still panting, his chest rising up and down quickly, but he still jumps along with Jaemin. “Nana I made it!” He says excitedly.

They lock eyes and Renjun smiles shyly before stepping forward and giving him a short hug. “Congrats, broke a new record?”

“Yes, personal one but still.” Jeno is smiling so brightly, Renjun feels as if he might faint by just looking at his face. “I’m pretty sure I’ll gain a medal as well.”

“I’m really happy for you.” Renjun doesn’t even notice that he too is smiling just as brightly as the blonde.

They’re broken apart by their teammates who also wanted to give their congratulations to the boy. Jeno doesn’t stop staring into Renjun’s eyes, however. The older drifts his eyes away one he starts to feel his legs getting wobbly.

 

 

Chenle seems to like Renjun’s team way more than his own and, after all the competitions are over and they have to wait for the winners to be announced, both him and Jisung decide to join in their conversations. Nobody seems to mind, and Renjun is glad because it means he gets to spend more time with his friend.

“Nana, how’s your back? You said it hurt before.” Jeno pokes the other’s back and Jaemin flinches.

“I’m ticklish stop that.” He slaps Jeno’s hand away. “It’s okay, but still hurts a bit.”

Renjun furrows his eyebrows, he didn’t know there was anything wrong with his friend’s back. “What’s wrong with it? Please see a doctor.”

Jaemin smiles softly and shakes his head. “It’s just a little bit of pain, but I will if it continues.”

The topic changes but Renjun can’t stop thinking about the fact that Jaemin hadn’t told him, it wasn’t supposed to matter so much but why did Jeno know and he didn’t? Was Jaemin hiding it from him? Most important of all, was Jaemin actually okay?

“I bought croissants.” Their coach interrupts the chatting. “Because you guys gave me such good results today.”

Hell breaks loose, everyone tries to get a croissant before they run out. Even Chenle joins and the coach doesn’t stop him, probably already fond of the boy (who wouldn’t be? He just had a talent for making people like him right away). “Oh my god they’re just the way I like them.” Renjun grins at his coach with his shiny croissant in his hand. “They’re so soft, thank you!” The coach brushes it off and walks away with his very own croissant in his hand.

Just as everyone starts eating, a loud voice comes out from the speakers announcing that the results will be out in about five minutes and that the swimmers should gather on the very far back of the pool where the podium stood.

Renjun follows Chenle excitedly, he was sure he was going to win something from the calculations the coach had done. A few of the teammates stand up with them, but for the most part they stay seated chatting and eating. Jeno walks beside him with a cocky expression on his face, Renjun wishes he could be so confident in his own results one day.

The woman is already announcing some of the winners when they reach the place, a few boys go up the podium where they’re given a medal and a man snaps a few pictures of them before the woman keeps going.

“Hundred meters backstroke-“ She starts and Jeno grabs Renjun’s wrist harshly. “First, Yooguk.”  A tall boy starts walking towards the podium with a smile that resembled the one Jeno had before. “Second.”

Jeno’s hold goes even tighter, the coach had said he would be third but everyone always hoped he had made a mistake in comparing the times from all the other swimmers. Renjun can feels his arm go numb due to Jeno’s strength but doesn’t dare open his mouth to complain, not when he secretly enjoys the gesture.

“Kim Jisoo.” She keeps on going and Jeno groans, his hold finally loosening. “Third-“

“Huang Renjun.” The blonde whispers, Renjun look up at him and swears that the other’s eyes are sparkling.

“Huang Renjun.” The woman announces and his teammates yell loudly all around him.

Renjun is pushed by Chenle to walk because he suddenly couldn’t move, his brain had frozen completely even if he had expected to win. He somehow manages to step on the podium with his team’s banner in his hand (he has no clue when it had even made its way there) and bows his head down so a different woman can place the medal around his neck. “Say cheese, Junnie!” Chenle shouts and the boy smiles brightly at that.

The moment he steps down, he’s being engulfed with hugs by his team. “Thank you guys, seriously.” He wheezes out. “But I can’t breathe.”

The announcements continue, Chenle ends up winning a medal too, bronze just like Renjun’s. He hugs his friend tightly once he comes back from the podium and Chenle almost makes him deaf with his loud dolphin giggle.

“Thousand and five hundred meters freestyle.” The woman says and Renjun furrows his eyebrows, he doesn’t remember watching Jaemin swim today, he had assumed they hadn’t done that competition today. “First, Na Jaemin.”

Renjun’s breath is knocked out of him, _had he not watched his best friend swim?_ Jaemin is smiling brightly, but not even that makes him feel better. His so called healing smile made him feel worst, had Jaemin noticed he wasn’t there to support him? When had it even happened? “Jeno.” Renjun whispers and the blonde snaps his head to the side. “When… When did he swim?”

“Around lunch time.” The other’s answer is curt and he goes back to yelling praises to Jaemin.

Lunch time. He had been with Chenle, he thought his team wouldn’t swim anymore since the coach had said they could go out to eat. There is a weird feeling building inside his stomach, he feels as if he could puke. Jaemin didn’t seem to mind he hadn’t been there for him, how could he not? He had been a shit friend whereas Jaemin had been there every single time to support him and chant his name as loudly as he could.

He watches the other as he flashes his smile to the camera, seemingly fine. He can’t even hug him once Jaemin comes back, the guilt starting to consume every single fibre of his being. “Jaemin.” He croaks out once the boy is let free by the others. “I didn’t-“

“I know.” He smiles nevertheless. “I’m sure you got a reason.”

“No Jaemin-“

“First place, Lee Jeno.” The woman interrupts, Jaemin lets out a loud scream and shots fingerguns at Jeno.

Renjun can’t focus on Jeno, on how happy and beautiful he looks standing so up high. Can’t focus on the eyesmile he gives the camera. He is too busy watching Jaemin with sad eyes, how could he be so okay with it? He wants the other to be angry, that’s what he deserves.

Jeno comes back and Renjun stays in his place, Chenle notices and starts bombarding him with questions switching between Korean and Mandarin. Renjun ignores it all, he just wants to speak with Jaemin but the boy is too busy hugging Jeno like his life depends on it. _Was he going to lose Jaemin to Jeno?_

If he wasn’t so busy overthinking everything, Renjun might’ve noticed the sadness that flashed in Jeno’s eyes once he noticed Renjun hadn’t moved to congratulate him. Chenle does notice, though, and smacks the back of his friend’s head harshly. “Dude! Stop, now! Jeno wants you to go congratulate him.”

Renjun snaps out of it, thankfully, and runs to Jeno. “Congrats, we couldn’t expect anything else from our great Lee Jeno.” He tries his best to joke around, to sound relaxed, and he hopes Jeno buys it.

“Thank you, means a lot.” The blonde gives him a soft smile and tugs Renjun’s shirt, giving him a quick hug once Renjun is close enough. “Everything’s good?”

“Yeah, all good.” He lies.

Jaemin is talking to two other boys when he finally finds him, he almost feels bad when he asks him if they could talk privately but Jaemin seems fine with it. “What is it?”

“I’m really sorry, I know how important it is to you-“

“It’s okay Renjun.”

“It’s not! Stop it, the coach said I could go so I thought no one was going to swim from our team I’m really sorry.” Renjun feels like he might cry from all the guilt running inside his body. “Why aren’t you mad?!”

“It’s not worth being mad about that, this isn’t even a real competition dummy.” Jaemin flicks his forehead. “Don’t stress about it so much, I know you feel bad but let it go, okay?”

Renjun nods slightly and looks down at the floor. “Okay.”

His friend tsks and pulls him closer, hugging him so tight he started to feel lightheaded. “Let’s go, they might announce the medley results soon.”

They walk back just in time, the woman looks so tired of talking but still manages to croak out the last results of the day. “Four hundred meters medley.” She starts and Jaemin looks at Renjun, excitement evident. “First place, NCT.”

Renjun opens his mouth wide, everyone around him is yelling and chanting their team’s name as loudly as they can. He starts walking once he notices Jaemin moving away from him to join Jeno and Donhyuck on the podium, a few people pat him on the back and he thanks them quietly.

He had never been so up high, it feels incredible to be first. Renjun touches both his medals on his chest, pride bubbling inside his chest making the guilt dissipate for the time being. Jaemin pulls the three boys closer and tells them to smile as brightly as they can, Renjun doesn’t need to be told twice and shows the camera the biggest smile he can muster.

 

 

The changing rooms are a mess, there are a few people from different teams exchanging swimming caps and Renjun smiles fondly at that remembering how he had met Chenle. The boy had come up to him randomly and asked for an exchange, they somehow ended up casually chatting about how their day had gone and that’s how it all had started. Renjun looks at Chenle who is getting ready by his side and mentally thanks destiny for doing its job.

Renjun looks around trying to find Jaemin who is talking to boy from a different team, he calls out for him and asks if he should wait but his friend shakes his head. “You can go, I’ll see you outside!”

He walks out of the changing room with Chenle, the noise dissipating as soon as they close the door behind them. There are a few parents waiting for their kids at the entrance but he isn’t expecting his parents to be there as well since they always left as soon as Renjun finished swimming. “My baby!” His mom shouts and pulls him for a hug. “You did so well, I’m a proud mom.”

His dad hugs him as well, whispering little praises in his ear. “Thank you, I’m really happy too.” Renjun grins.

“Chenle, you won too right?! Congrats.” His mom pinches Chenle’s cheeks lovingly and his friend giggles.

“Thank you Mrs. Huang.”

“I’ll get going, I just wanted to congratulate you. Oh! And this.” She pulls a bag of chips out of her purse. “I’m sure you’re hungry, you deserve it.”

Renjun gives them both one last hug before they enter the car and drive away. Chenle steals his chips as soon as the car is out of their sight but the boy doesn’t care, he is too happy to get mad at Chenle.

They part ways with a tight hug when their respective buses show up, Renjun enters the bus first and waits for the rest to come outside from the changing rooms. One by one, the boys starts to fill the bus, Jaemin shows up with Jeno by his side a few minutes later. “You guys took ages.” Renjun complains.

“Had to show off how good our team is getting to other teams, they better watch out.” Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows and sits next to him. “Our new ace is forming right in front of their eyes.”

“New ace?” He furrows his eyebrows.

“Yeah, you.” Jeno butts in and throws his bag under his seat. “You got the potential to have as good results as Jaemin.”

“Bullshit.” Renjun snorts. “Want some?” He points at the bag on his lap.

“Your dick? No thanks.” Jaemin laughs loudly earning a smack on the back of his head from Renjun.

“No chips for you. Jeno? Want some?”

Jeno tries his best to contain his laughter and grabs a handful of chips, Renjun would normally complain but nothing could ruin his mood that day. Not even Jaemin’s terrible jokes.

Thankfully for him, the rest of the boys forget to play their stupid game during the ride back home. They were too busy telling stories about their day and gushing about their good results, Renjun gladly hears the stories; laughing along with everyone else at times.

It is already dark when the bus comes to a stop, the boys get out and say their goodbyes. Jaemin hugs Renjun tightly, rocking their bodies slightly before saying goodbye and running towards his mom’s car.

“Where’s my hug?” Someone says just as he turns around, ready to walk home.

Jeno is standing in the now empty sidewalk with his arms wide open, Renjun chuckles before accepting the hug. “Goodbye” He whispers.

The blonde squeezes his tiny frame. “See you soon.”

It’s only once Renjun is on his bed, limbs sprawled lazily, that he remembers he won’t be seeing Jeno for almost a month since he was going to China during his Christmas vacation. He groans loudly.

No Jeno for an entire month, suddenly his vacation didn’t sound as promising as before.

* * *

 


	2. growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this question mark of a world  
> What am I looking for?  
> At the end of the long path  
> Will the me that I’ve been looking for, stand there?

* * *

**T** raveling sucks, he’s forced to sit inside an airplane for three hours and then there’d be the extra time it’d take to reach his house. Overall, that’d be around five hours of his day wasted on traveling from Korea to China for Christmas.

Chenle was sitting by his side with his iPad playing some sort of game Renjun didn’t know and looked way more entertained than he was. The older curses himself for not having downloaded games on his phone beforehand, now he was stuck with just looking out of the window.

They had been going to China together for three years now, once Renjun’s mom found out that he had made a Chinese friend she was thrilled. She immediately wanted to know everything about him and possibly become friends with his parents, it didn’t take long for Chenle to be welcomed as part of the family and for both moms to become close friends.

The thing was, Chenle did not live with his parent. The younger had been handed to a host family once he came to Korea, his parents apparently knew the host family and thought it’d be a good way to make the boy get used to being independent. When Renjun’s mother heard of this, she suggested right away they’d take him along to China every Christmas because Chenle was too young to go on his own.

Everyone was happy, Renjun had someone to hang with during Christmas time (since both families would come over to each other’s houses frequently) and Chenle got to see his family. It worked perfectly.

Renjun snaps out of his daze, the clouds look the same as before and he groans. “Wanna play?” Chenle asks and pokes the iPad against Renjun’s ribs.

“I thought you’d never ask.” Renjun cries out as he snatches it away from the other. “I was dying of boredom.”

 

 

Chenle’s house always left him breathless, it wasn’t even considered a house; more like a mansion. Like those you’d see in movie, white with a massive garden in front and a pretty fountain in the middle. Renjun thought he had been joking the first time Chenle showed their house, even Renjun’s parents couldn’t believe it.

They had decided to spend the holidays over at Chenle’s house, the younger boy’s parents had offered it so many times that Renjun’s mom ended up accepting it. Renjun was more than happy once he was told he would get to spend so much time with Chenle, even though they both needed to study for their upcoming exams it meant they had more time to fool around together.

He throws his bag against a corner of Chenle’s massive room and jumps onto the bed. “I’m so annoyed, I don’t want to waste my vacation studying.” He cries out and Chenle joins him.

“Wish we had exams before the holidays.” The younger pouts. “Let’s try to have fun though!”

 

Renjun stares at his History book, the Cold War chapter open right in front of him was making the boy want to hit himself in the head. It wasn’t that he found the subject hard but he always managed to fuck up in his History exams because his teacher was too strict when it came to correcting things. He felt that, even if he studied for the whole vacation, he wouldn’t get the results he wished to get and that was frustrating him.

“I like my teacher and History, but why does she have to be so strict?!” Renjun punches the bed and Chenle looks up from his book.

“Hey, my bed did nothing to you.” He chuckles and puts his Geography book to the side. “Don’t just focus on History, if you feel like no matter how much you study you won’t get a good grade then focus on the subjects you know you can succeed at.”

The older lets the words repeat itself in his head. “You’re right, pass me my Philosophy notebook.”

Time goes by slowly yet fast whenever they’d study together and, by the time Renjun is finished with Philosophy and Geography, it’s dark outside. Chenle had given up on studying a while back and was currently texting someone with a soft smile on his face.

“Who are you texting.” Renjun asks and lays next to him on the bed. ”Jisung?”

“Yeah.” Chenle grins. “He says he’s bored without me.”

Renjun snorts, Jisung was probably so used to having Chenle near him all the time that a month separated would be hell for him. Maybe then he would realise how much he actually liked Chenle and finally make a move, Renjun sure hoped so. “How are you guys?”

“Same as always.” Chenle tries to not sound disappointed, but Renjun sees through it.

He doesn’t press further and grabs his own phone, there are a few messages from Jaemin asking him if everything was alright and when he’d be back. Renjun answers them quickly and opens YouTube out of habit, both boys stay next to each other in silence until someone knocks on the door and they hide their phone as quickly as they can before Chenle’s mother opens the door. “Dinner is ready.”

 

 

 

Renjun wipes his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie and cringes, _gross_. The cold breeze would’ve felt good if it were summer, but the boy was freezing in the harsh winter weather. The tip of his fingers were now a dark shade of purple and he couldn’t feel them anymore, same could be said for his feet who were almost soaking wet due to the snow that wouldn’t stop falling.

Chenle pokes Renjun’s nose. “Rudolf.” He giggles and Renjun giggles as well. The boy pokes his own nose, he can’t feel it anymore either, his face felt like it was made of hard stone.

“You’re not much better.” Renjun turns to look at his friend, Chenle’s was naturally pale but now he looked almost as white as a sheet of paper. “You look dead, if it weren’t for your red nose, I’d think you had died right in front of my eyes.”

“Is it that bad?” Chenle places his gloved hand on his face, a pout forms on his lips when Renjun nods. “Should we get a warm coffee?” The older nods franticly, he was starting to think he’d freeze to death in the cold Shanghai streets.

Nothing felt better than entering a warm shop during winter, both boys sigh in relief as soon as the warm air hits their faces and Chenle runs to the counter with Renjun following suit. They stare at the neatly placed snacks behind the glass with hungry eyes, it all looked so delicious that Chenle almost decides to buy all of them. “Just because you’re filthy rich doesn’t mean you can buy whatever you want.”

“That’s exactly what it means.” His friend contradicts, Renjun makes sure to roll his eyes right in front of Chenle’s face just to piss him off.

They end up buying regular coffee and a muffin for Renjun as well as a big chocolate cookie for Chenle. Renjun stares out of the big foggy window into the busy streets, people were running around in their puffy jackets and fluffy beanies like ants, the sight makes Renjun chuckle. “Is it bad that I already miss Korea?”

Chenle hums, thinks about it for a while, and then shakes his head. “No, you’ve grown there. You barely know China.”

“I feel Chinese, but I barely know anything about my country.” Renjun sips on his coffee, he could finally feel the tip of his fingers. “My parents taught me everything I need to know, I know many cities, I know the traditions, heck I even follow them even though I don’t live here. But I don’t feel at home in China.”

His friend looks at him with sad eyes. “Hey, it’s normal Renjun. Maybe you can come here when you’re older and get in touch with your roots. The social situation isn’t the best right now, maybe it will be in a few years though.”

Renjun nods, his parents had left once things started to look scary and Chenle’s parents had made him go to Korea for the exact same reason. Well, rich people had it better but even so, they preferred Chenle to know Korean in case anything happened in the future. “Yeah, I hope I can comeback home someday.”

“We can come together, live here for a while.” Chenle smiles softly. “But I don’t wish to stay.”

“I don’t either, I just want to experience… y’know, being Chinese and all.”

Chenle nods, understanding, and they go quiet again. Renjun is entertained by the busy city life while Chenle watches some sort of show playing on the little television of the coffee shop. The calming noise of clinking plates, the chatter of everyone around them and the honking coming from the traffic outside made Renjun feel at peace of mind for the first time in a while, his brain was fried after so many consecutive days of studying.

They buy yet another coffee and make their way outside once again, the cold air freezing them instantly. “Where to?” Renjun asks.

His friend doesn’t answer but starts walking, Renjun follows him blindly. The streets are crowded with people rushing to wherever they have to go, Renjun thinks he might have several bruises from the amount of times someone had bumped into him by the time Chenle announces they had reached their final destination.

Renjun looks around, they’re at a deserted children's playground. “Any particular reason why we’re here?” He chuckles, watching as his friend sits on the swing set and starts rocking back and forwards.

“Let me tell you how it feels to be Chinese.” Chenle pats the seat next to his. Once Renjun finally sits down, the boy clears his throat and looks ahead with unfocused eyes. “It’s not actually much different, it’s not special. Whatever you’ve put into your head, you’re wrong.  You haven’t lost part of yourself when your parents moved, maybe you’ve missed out on the popular shows and on celebrating traditions on the street rather than at home. But Renjun, you’re what your hearts says you are.”

The older gulps, trying his best to swallow down the tears that threaten to fall. “People don’t see me as Chinese, because when they ask me about specific things I can’t answer. Because I don’t know.”

Chenle lets out a bitter chuckle. “And? Does it matter what others see you as? What does your heart say?”

He furrows his eyebrows. “I’m Chinese. But also Korean, somehow.”

“See? And that’s totally okay. Home is wherever you feel good, be it Korea or not. No one can take your roots away, so embrace them.” Chenle places his hand on top of Renjun’s now purple one. “You don’t need to belong somewhere to be valid.”

Renjun doesn’t notice the tear that rolls down his cheek until it lands on his jacket, he quickly wipes the new tears away and smiles at Chenle. “Thank you.” He’s always so thankful of having someone like him around, someone who understood and listened like the boy did. Who showed never lasting support and gave sincere advice. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Junnie.”

 

 

When they reach Chenle’s house, the sun is already hiding behind the mountains ahead. The temperature had dropped considerably, meaning it was cold enough to freeze to death if you stayed out long enough. They run towards the door, Chenle was shivering so much that his finger couldn’t press properly against the doorbell and Renjun was jumping like a bunny to keep himself warm behind him.

Chenle’s mother opens the door and almost faints when she notices how cold the boy were, she forces them inside the bathroom and demands for them to take a warm shower. They definitely did not object to the idea.

It wasn’t something uncommon, they had taken showered together many times before, it was almost as natural as any other activity they did together. Chenle fills the tub with warm water and searches for his stack of bath bombs. “Which one?”

Renjun scratches his chin and points at a pretty pink one with a little flower on it. “It smells good too.” He inspects the ball in his hand and sniffs it. “I wish I had a bathtub back in Korea, I’d use these all the time.”

Once the bathtub is half full, Chenle throws the bath bomb inside and they kneel down while observing it dissolve. The older pokes his finger in the warm pink water and makes a noise of approval. “I’ll fill it a bit more but we can start going in.” Chenle says and turns the tap on again.

“Oh my god this is the best thing ever.” Renjun almost lets out a moan, but contains it and melts inside the bathtub.

“Scoot over, I barely have any space left.” His friend complains and Renjun recoils instantly, giving some space for Chenle. “Did Jeno text you?”

Renjun snaps his eyes open and looks at Chenle wide eyed, he hadn’t thought of the blonde for a few days now and the sudden mention of that name made alarms go off inside his head. “I- no?”

Chenle tsks. “Playing hard to get?”

“No, I just suck at texting. Plus, what will we even text about?!”

“You’re in different countries, there is so much to text about!” He snorts and shakes his head. “He might think you forgot him.”

The older pouts and plays with the pink water, to an extent he had forgotten Jeno but that didn’t meant his interest had vanished. It clearly hadn’t seeing how his body had reacted to Chenle’s question, but he still didn’t feel the need to text the boy. “How’s Jisung?”

His friend smirks with his eyes closed probably knowing that question would come up at some point. “Same old, guess my Christmas present won’t be a boyfriend.”

Renjun lets out a curt laugh and closes his eyes as well. “Let’s forget about them, for the time being at least.”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

 

 

Renjun is always shocked whenever he enters the kitchen every 24th of December to find Chenle’s mother cooking, they had maids for nearly everything so the sight just felt out of place.

The younger boy hugs his mother and she kisses his forehead lovingly, his own mother was nowhere to be seen and he pouts. “Where’s my mom?”

“Your parents went out grocery shopping, we’ll spend the day cooking for dinner time.” The pretty lady informs and Renjun takes his time analysing the details on her face before nodding. She looked scarily like Chenle. “We’d appreciate help.”

Chenle groans, but pushes the sleeves of his pyjamas up right away and grabs an egg. “I’m ready.”

“We won’t be using the eggs for no-“ She doesn't have time to finish her sentence, Chenle puts the egg down and grabs the flour instead. “Sweetie just listen.”

The sight is adorable, Renjun can’t help the giggle that leaves his mouth. Chenle glares at him when his mother turns around to grab something from one of the cabinets. She instructs them what to do for the rest of the morning, Renjun’s parents come just a bit after twelve o’clock with more ingredients and start helping as well.

They pause to eat lunch, the chatter that fills the room turns into background noise once Renjun starts zooning out. The talk he had with Chenle a few days back while they bathed suddenly replayed itself on his head, _How was Jeno doing?_ He thinks and mentally slaps himself for having such thoughts. He had promised to forget about him, but he still couldn’t help but wonder what the blonde was up to during his vacation. Obviously, he could text him about it, but he wasn’t about to do _that._

 

It’s past seven when the food is finally all placed neatly on top of the big table inside the living room, Renjun looks at it with his hands on his hips and a big proud smile. Chenle sighs and grabs one ham slice. “I thought we wouldn’t even eat it today, damn.”

He too, worried about that several times during the day. They were taking far too long compared to previous years, mostly due to Chenle’s lack of sense, the boy would do the stupidest cooking mistakes. “Well, maybe if you didn’t make us restart half of the dishes, we would be playing games by now.”

“Fuck off.” Is all the younger says before rushing towards his room, probably to change clothes.

Renjun watches the adults speak inside the kitchen, and then drifts his eyes towards the ceiling. Without Chenle around, he finally remembered how lonely it’d feel without having a brother. Doyoung had decided to spend his vacation with some friends in Japan, his parents weren’t thrilled but had let him go nevertheless with the excuse that he should enjoy his youth. Sure, Renjun agreed, but he respected traditions far too much to ever do that to his parents.

Thankfully, Chenle comes back just a few minutes later and successfully takes his mind off Doyoung. The younger grabs Renjun by the wrist (an habit that the older was not so much fond of since his wrist was as fragile as a glass cup) towards somewhere in the house, they walk for a while and Renjun admires the architecture and design for the trillionth time. The ceilings were up so high that it made the house look like a church, the pretty rustic decoration didn’t help with that either.

The younger stops in front of a big wood door, Renjun remembers vaguely what’s behind it. He’s pretty sure Chenle was inviting him into the Jacuzzi, and he sure as hell was not going to protest. “Relaxing time?”

“Hell yes.”

 

Renjun doesn’t feel uncomfortable knowing how rich Chenle actually was, it had bothered him for quite some time since he felt out of place whenever he visited but now he couldn’t help but enjoy the luxury of it all.

The Jacuzzi did wonders, the warm water plus the jets on his back made him feel as if he had risen into heaven. His mind doesn’t drift to anywhere else, it stays blank as his body enjoys the attention it was getting all over, which was a first to Renjun. He hated how much he’d overthink, he wanted to be more carefree and not think so much about his decisions in life. Sort of like Chenle, in a way.

Chenle did pretty much what he wanted, within some boundaries. He still knew what was wrong or right in the eyes of society, he couldn’t go around naked in the middle of the streets during Korea’s awfully warm weather peaks, but that was the thing; Chenle _would_ if he _could._ Renjun would never do such things, and he knows the reason is that he would think it thought at least four times before taking any action.

The younger had told him that it hadn’t been always like that, that at some point Chenle was just as bad as he was. Renjun couldn’t picture an anxious Chenle and that gave him motivation to keep on battling whatever was wrong with him to become carefree like his friend. If Chenle could do it, and make it so that not overthinking came naturally to him, then he could too. _Right?_

He wonders how many things would be different in his life if he had just done them instead of backing out. The only reason he was inside that _heavenly_ Jacuzzi right now was because Chenle hadn’t given it much thought before approaching him, so how many more people could he have known if he simply hadn’t been so scared?

Renjun snaps back to reality when his friend kicks him underwater. “Hey, idiot, you there?”

“Not quite, think I’m in paradise right now.”

“Dramatic.” Chenle rolls his eyes but grins anyways. He wasn’t being dramatic, Chenle was simply too used to these things. “Wanna visit the fair sometime before New Year’s party?”

The older nods, not that he had much of a choice, Chenle would drag him there anyways.

 

 

The food is delicious, Renjun praises himself inside his own head as he takes a bite of the dish he had cooked. Everyone makes a sound of satisfaction whenever they’d eat a different dish and praise whoever made it, the light and friendly atmosphere made Renjun feel at _home._ Whatever that meant.

He comes to the realization, just as the clock strikes eleven o’clock, that home wasn’t exactly a place but rather a feeling. Home was his family, home was his friends and home went with him wherever he was in the Globe. Home was whenever his heart was content, and he definitely was as he sat around the table with people who made him feel warm inside.

Chenle smiles brightly towards his direction, there’s a sparkle inside the pretty dark eyes that seem to mirror his own. Renjun knows then that Chenle felt the same and that, in itself, was enough for him to promise himself to never let the other go. “Merry Christmas, bamboo stick.”

“It’s still Christmas Eve, dumbass.” He snickers and Chenle gives him the ‘ _shut up before I slap you’_ look. “What?! It’s true.”

“I was trying to be nice and shit.”

“By calling me bamboo stick?”

The younger shrugs. “It’s a pretty cute pet name.”

“Yeah, and I’m good at soccer.” Renjun rolls his eyes and swallows down his food.

Chenle furrows his eyebrows for quite some time before he lets out a ‘Ahhh’ and shakes his head. “Bad joke, you’re not funny.”

“Like you’re any better.” Renjun scoffs. “Just shut up and eat.”

He wants to add an extra _“So you can weight enough to crush Jisung’s stupid self.”_ but he doesn’t, they were not supposed to think of crushes for the time being and, quite frankly, Renjun was enjoying his time away from anything relating heart issues. He knows Chenle is too.

“I should be the one saying that, bamboo-“

“Say that again and I’ll strangle you.” The older threatens and his friend puts his hands in the air as a peace offering. Renjun smirks, _that always does the magic._

 

 

He’s rudely woken up by his friend jumping on top of his body, Renjun cries out and slaps him harshly. “What is up with you and Jaemin and throwing yourselves on top of me?!”

Chenle giggles loudly, and smacks his friend with a nicely wrapped present. “It’s for you, open your eyes you idiot.”

Renjun groans loudly. “If I don’t like it then I might actually murder you for waking me up like this.” He complains while rubbing his eyes.

“Nah, you’ll absolutely love it!” The other throws the present onto Renjun’s lap once the older finally sits up and watches with anticipation as Renjun rips the wrapping.

The older gaps loudly as soon as he opens the box. “You didn’t-“ He takes the big onesie out and observes it for a few seconds before grabbing Chenle’s face and placing a kiss on the other’s soft cheeks. “I love you, holy shit.”

“See? Told you.”

Renjun moves his attention back to the present, a _moonmin onesie._ “How even?! I never seen these around.” Chenle shrugs smugly, he had probably paid someone to make it because Renjun swears he had searched all over the internet for it and never found anything. “You’re amazing, now I feel like my present is bad.”

Chenle shakes his head, a cute pout of his lips. “No! The intention is the most important aspect!”

The older mumbles something under his breath and finally lets go of his Christmas present to get up and get Chenle’s present. He reaches underneath the bed and places it near his friend’s leg. “It’s really not as good as yours I feel embarrassed now-“

“Shut up.” Is all the other says before ripping the thing paper apart like a crazy animal. Renjun closes his eyes and waits for the reaction, some minutes pass in silence and then his friend stars laughing. “You love bullying me over my laugh this much?!”

Renjun chuckles and crawls on the bed, he grabs the dolphin plushy and points at the little heart saying ‘Press Me’. “Here, press that.”

Chenle does and lets out another highpitched laugh right after. He doesn’t stop pressing it until Renjun gets too tired of hearing the same annoying voice saying ‘I love you!’ and slaps his hand away from the button. “I love it.” Chenle admits and throws his arms around the older’s neck. “Merry Christmas, idiot.”

“Merry Christmas to you too, Lele.” Renjun whispers and holds him tighter.

 

 

Chenle loves fairs. Every year he’d drag Renjun along to a nearby one, the older enjoyed the atmosphere but not so much the crazy rides his friend decided to go on. They’re waiting in line for a rollercoaster and Renjun feels as if he might pass out from hearing the screams the people made each time they’d go up high. “Lele…” He starts.

“The answer is no.”

Renjun pouts but doesn’t press further, he knew Chenle wouldn’t budge. Their turn comes around, they sit down and a man pushes down the lap bar and Renjun checks about ten times if it was properly placed. “If I die-“

They start moving and Renjun shuts up, closing his eyes as they move upwards. “I want your computer if you die.”

“Why? Yours is better.” He snorts.

His friend is about to answer but then they’re descending at such a fast speed that Renjun thinks his skin is going to rip apart. Chenle is giggling loudly by his side meanwhile he’s shouting like a ten year old girl, Renjun can’t even open his eyes too scared the sight might make him puke mid-air.

Chenle grabs Renjun’s hand and squeezes it, it is only then that the older opens his eyes. They’re still going at a scarily fast speed, but the ride is almost over, so Renjun sighs in relief. “I hate you, holy shit.”

“Wanna go again?” He smiles and gives him a fake innocent look.

“I would rather die.”

 

 

They stop by a drinks tent, Renjun is so busy observing everything around him that doesn’t notice his friend asking for two cups of warm wine. Apparently they did not care if you looked like you were five and sold the drinks to everyone, much to Renjun’s discontent. “What’s this?” Renjun sniffs the liquid as soon as Chenle hands him the cup.

“Wine, warm wine. It’s good!” His friend take a small sip and shoots him a thumbs up. “Try it.”

“I don’t drink.” He sighs but takes a little sip nevertheless. “This is… gross.”

“Shut up and drink, ungrateful swine.”

Chenle gets two more cups and forces Renjun to drink with him, the older forces the warm liquid down his throat and grimaces straight away. “How do people enjoy this?” He questions, mostly to himself, but still waits for his friend to answer. He doesn’t, and gives the cups back before heading towards another ride. Renjun has no choice but to follow.

The ride doesn’t look at bad as the previous one, so the older relaxes and enjoys the popcorn he had bought along the way. Chenle pays for the tickets just like always, it still bothers Renjun slightly but the other was so keen on paying for everything whenever they hung out that he had sort of gotten used to it. Plus, he was rich, so why not?

Someone taps his shoulder and flinches. “Hey.” He hears from behind, Renjun turns around to find a blonde boy next to a slightly taller one. Renjun studies him closely, he was pretty; his features all came together perfectly. “I’m Justin.” He introduces himself once Renjun fails to respond.

“Okay?”

“Hi! Excuse my lame friend, I’m Chenle!” His friend speak loudly so he can be heard over the song blasting through the speakers just above them. “You are?”

“Justin.” The blonde repeats. “This is Zheng Ting.”

The other boy waves his hand in front of his face and chuckles. “Just call me JunJun.”

Chenle seems to be radiating, but Renjun really doesn’t understand why the boy had approached him randomly so he isn’t nearly as excited. “You guys live here?” Chenle asks, starting a small chat amongst them. Well, mostly him and Justin, since JunJun was just as quiet and timid as Renjun.

They hop on the seats once their turn to go finally comes, the strangers (not so much anymore since Chenle had somehow managed to suck every little detail about their lives during their small ten minute talk) sit right behind them. Chenle is still chatting with Justin when the man comes and pushes the lap-bar down. “I love this ride, it’s my favourite.” Justin says and looks straight into Renjun’s eyes. “What’s your favourite?”

He never thought about it, _did he have a favourite?_ “I uh- I mean I like the one where you go through that snow cavern and then there’s like, this fire show while you’re riding it?”

Justin hums while nodding. “Yes! Yes that was is amazing too. Good taste.” He winks and Renjun turns his head forward to hide the stupid blush appearing on his cheeks.

Chenle doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t need to. Renjun knows what the smirk on his lips mean, and he’s about to strangle him but the ride begins so he postpones it. This time, the ride isn’t nearly as bad. There’s no awful drops and twists, only the occasional bumps. Renjun can hear JunJun scream his lungs out from behind him and laughs, he didn’t want to imagine how the boy would react to the ride Chenle had made him go to previously. He’d probably pass out.

It comes to a stop, Renjun stands up and winces when his joints make a cracking noise. He doesn’t expect the other two boys to tag along with them after the ride ends, but he’s proven wrong. Chenle doesn’t shut his babbler mouth, and Justin doesn’t seem to mind it one bit.

Renjun hands his popcorn bag, which was almost over, in JunJun’s direction. “Want some?” He smiles softly, he understood how out of place JunJun probably felt and that made him feel way more comfortable around him. The boy accepts the popcorn with a wide smile.

About an hour later, after three other different rides, Chenle suggest they try the Ferris wheel. Renjun has never tried it since it looked boring _, seriously how could it be fun to go up in the air so slowly just to descend once again?_ The money they’d waste on it was definitely not worth it.

“Since me and Justin already get along well, I think we should switch! You two barely talk! C’mon.” Chenle grabs JunJun’s arm and pulls him closer. “We’re going together.”

Meaning he was going to be stuck inside a cabin, going at snail speed, alone with a complete stranger. _Kudos to you Chenle, for such a great idea_. He thinks, but forces a smile when Justin comes closer. “Just you and me.” The blonde whispers as they head to the waiting line.

“I guess so.” Renjun’s voice comes out too high-pitched for his liking.

 

It’s just as awkward as Renjun thought it’d be. They’re on their way up, no one is talking and Renjun considers jumping out. Then Justin speaks, and doesn’t make it any better. “You’re really pretty.”

Renjun coughs loudly, making Justin worry that he might die. “Uh. Thank you.” He finally wheezes out. “So are you.”

Justin’s leg is pressing against his, and the look on his face sends shivers down Renjun’s spine. He knows that look, and quite frankly, part of him did wish to kiss Justin in that stupid old cabin. He wanted to grab his face with both of his hands and smash their lips together. Renjun blames the warm wine of before for his irrational thoughts, he wasn’t about to kiss a stranger. “I’m not-“

“First kiss?” Justin interrupts, the smirk on his face somehow wasn’t a cocky one. “It’s alright.”

He nods and looks out from the glass window. “Sorry.”

The other chuckles and places a quick kiss on Renjun’s cheek. “Tell me about yourself, then.”

By the time the ride is over, Justin knows about Renjun’s fat love for swimming, about how he was stressing about his History exam, knows about Doyoung and how much he liked his brother even though he was annoying at times and knows how Renjun didn’t feel like he could call himself Chinese. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or maybe the fact that speaking to a stranger was always easier, but he spills his guts out and doesn’t care if Justin was even listening.

They part ways, Chenle gets their numbers and promises to keep in touch. Renjun doesn’t know if he wants that, so he hugs them both goodbye and makes sure to hug Justin a tad tighter. He kisses the blonde’s soft cheek before they break apart. Renjun makes sure to engrave Justin’s pretty face in his brain forever.

“So,” Chenle says as they walk home. “Did you guys kiss?”

“No. What’d you expect?” Renjun snorts.

Chenle lets out a frustrated noise and slaps his friend’s shoulder a bit harsher than intended. “Renjun why?! You can have fun so why do you this to yourself?!”

“I don’t want my first kiss to be with someone I don’t know! I won’t even see him again probably.”

“That’s the whole point, damnit! That’s so romantic, you suck.”

Renjun flips him off, he didn’t care, he didn’t want his first kiss to sound like a romantic novel anyways. But something seems to have lit up inside of him, and he can’t deny the constant question buzzing inside his head. _How did kissing feel like?_

 

 

 

He almost forgets the party. Chenle’s parents always made sure to invite basically everyone from the neighbour to their New Year’s party, the house was so big that it did not make any difference to how much space the boys had to do their own thing, but Renjun did not enjoy having to do small talk with strangers everytime he had to get food. So he dreads the party, and tries his best to forget about it each time it comes around.

They have to dress in their best clothes, Renjun just puts a plain white shirt and a bowtie on along with black trousers. Meanwhile, Chenle goes all in with his pretty pink suit (and somehow manages to make it look good). The younger matches the suit with a black shirt underneath and a pair of shiny also black shoes, the look isn’t overall extra but it did grab a lot of attention due to its unusual colours.

Chenle checks himself out in the mirror, blowing a cocky kiss towards his reflection and then towards Renjun who fake gags straight away. “Please don’t do that ever again.”

“Why? Scared I’ll give you a heart attack or something?” His friend smirks and does it again, Renjun is about to threaten him with his strangling abilities when the door opens wide.

Renjun’s mother smiles at them both and lets out a little squeak. “So precious! Can I take a picture?” Renjun wants to say no, but he loves his mother too much to do that, so he forces a smile to the camera. “Have fun, kids! I’ll be in the living room at all times if you need anything.”

They both nod, and she leaves them alone once again. “Ready for a new year, buddy?”

The older snorts at the stupid nickname, Chenle always managed to find a new one each time. “I guess.” He says vaguely, when he in reality had already thought about how, deep inside of him, he felt like 2018 would be different than every year so far.  That sensation lingered ever since and he couldn’t exactly pinpoint why he felt that way, perhaps it was the fact that his swimming results had improved significantly or the fact that he had started to get closer to new people. What he did know, was that things were going to change.

“Let’s go then.” Chenle goes out and Renjun follows.

They spend a few hours around the guests, but when it becomes dangerously near to midnight, Chenle calls Renjun over and they walk away from the main room. Chenle walks quietly, and Renjun doesn’t feel like breaking the peaceful quietness.

Chenle and Renjun had decorated the room they had chosen for themselves only with a few balloons and pretty ribbons beforehand so that it’d look a bit more festive, there was a television on the far right corner already turned on in the right channel. They sit nearby it and wait for time to pass in silence.

Then Chenle’s quiet voice pierces through making Renjun turn to face the other right away. “Why don’t you want to kiss a stranger?”

Renjun huffs, he had gone over this so many times. “I don’t want my firsts to be with someone I don’t care for. I will forgets Justin’s face in like, what, two weeks? Maybe a bit longer? What’s the point, then?”

His friend hums. “Okay, okay that _does_ make sense.”

Silence once again, but this time Renjun is the one to break it. “You’ve kissed already I assume.”

“Yeah.”

“Who?”

More silence, Chenle seems hesitant and Renjun doesn’t like it one bit. “Jisung.”

“Holdup? What?!” Renjun gasps and his eyes go wide. “No way!”

“Yes, way.” The younger rubs his nape. “We were talking about kisses after we watched this one American movie and- like, we both admitted we were curious about how it’d feel. So it just happened, but that’s it really, don’t think he thinks much of it.”

Renjun blinks once, twice and then at third time he finally comes out of his daze. “Wow, okay.”

Chenle chuckles awkwardly and they turn back to the television, there’s just under four minutes left. They show some footage of other countries celebration for quite some time before the reporter informs the counting down will start soon enough. “Y’know what would be a good idea?” Renjun hums, not quite paying attention. “Me being your first kiss.”

The older freezes in his spot, the woman is already yelling out the numbers but his brain decided to stop functioning. He considers it, though, he considers the possibility of having Chenle have his first kiss. It’s not like it’s something sacred, but Renjun sees firsts as something of importance and just didn’t want to give the opportunity away to someone of no value to him.

Chenle had value, Chenle is so important to him he can’t even imagine how life wold be without the other anymore. There’s three seconds left and Renjun turns to Chenle. “Hey man, I was joking-“ The younger says but stops when Renjun grabs both his cheeks. “Renjun?”

 _One second_ , and Renjun smashes their lips together. It’s nothing big, there’s no fireworks going inside of him or anything, but Chenle’s lips are soft and that’s good enough for him.

They don’t say anything, Chenle recovers from the initial shock pretty quickly and both of them decide to turn to the window’s direction and observe the pretty fireworks rising up in the air. Renjun grabs his friends hand and gives it a light squeeze that is reciprocated right away.

If he could freeze the moment, Renjun would.

 

 

 

 

Jaemin had texted him a few days before he landed back in Korea about how their swimming team was planning a party to celebrate the fact that they were now allowed to use their allocated changing rooms. Renjun almost denied it right away, but then remembered how guilty he still felt for not supporting his friend during their competition and agreed.

He knew it was a bad idea, he would like to celebrate their little victory as well but why did they have to do it in a disco? Filled with strangers, pedophiles, creepy dudes, sweaty bodies and worst of, unknown substances. Renjun felt his anxiety start to rise inside his chest as he put his clothes on and got ready for the party.

His friend rings the doorbell about thirty minutes late, Renjun is texting Chenle about how he felt something bad come his way when Jaemin shows up inside his room. He locks his phone right away forces a smile. “Hey, ready to go?” Jaemin asks and pats his friend’s thigh.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Jaemin’s mother drives them to the place, Renjun is wholeheartedly thankful for this because he wasn’t in the mood to walk around on a dark and cold January night and potentially get lost. It is only a ten minute ride but Renjun has no clue where he is which doesn’t help with how nervous he felt about the whole ordeal, Jaemin is glowing by his side however. “Call me if you need anything.” His mom waves at them and disappears into the dark night.

Renjun knows he’s fucked the moment Jaemin opens the doors, the strong smell of sweat hitting him straight in the face almost makes him vomit. “Will you drink?” Jaemin asks and Renjun shakes his head, he wasn’t confident enough to get drunk in the middle of strangers.

The songs are playing so loudly that Renjun can feel the vibrations inside his chest, thankfully it doesn’t quite make his ears hurt and he tries to loosen up. It’s not really his style of music, it’s more techno than he’d like but Renjun still dances along with the beat. “Hey hey.” Someone speaks from behind him and he flinches only to find a smiley Jeno once he turns around.

“Hello!” He smiles brightly, Jeno has his hair styled up and his natural colour is starting to show through his roots but it somehow still looks just as good as it did when he had first dyed it. “How’d your vacation go?”

“So boring. Had to spend so much time studying.” The blonde rolls his eyes and sips on his drink. “Want some?”

“No, thank you.” He ignores how disappointed Jeno looks and keeps on talking. “I had to study a lot too.”

“Weren’t you with your buddy half of the time?”

“Chenle? Yeah, but I needed to study anyways.” Renjun shrugs.

Jeno smirks and finishes his drink. “Such a good boy.” There is no malice in his words but Renjun can’t help but blush at the little comment. “Come with me.” Renjun follows the younger as he moves towards the bartender to ask for another drink, Jeno looks at him as if asking if he wanted something and Renjun shakes his head. “You really are a good boy.”

“Just don’t want something to happen to me, I don’t know how well I deal with alcohol.” He explains, Jeno chuckles.

“The rest are already here, let’s go.” He grabs Renjun’s bony wrist and leads them through the smelly crowd. Renjun spots Mark and feels his heart relax inside his chest, their leader always brought him a sense of stability so knowing he was there too made his anxiety diminish. “Sup Muurk.”

Mark snorts. “Sup Jeno.” He greets and, when he sees Renjun behind the blonde, smiles widely. “Ah, you came!”

“Yes.” Renjun scratches the back of his neck.

Donhyuck comes behind Mark, wraps his arms around the boy’s torso and places a quick kiss on his neck. “Hey y’all.”

Renjun had always been scared of Donghyuck, his cocky aura and scarily big eyes were too intimidating for Renjun to be confident enough to speak to him. That feeling had somehow dissipated, however the dark eye makeup Donghyuck had decided to use for the party made him want to hide behind Jeno whenever Donghyuck locked eyes with him. Donghyuck’s stare was too intense for his weak soul. “Hey.” Renjun croaks out.

“Jun came?” The little nickname almost makes him relax again. “I’m glad, you never join us.”

“I thought, why not?” Renjun lets out an awkward laugh.

Mark, probably noticing how anxious Renjun felt, asks Donghyuck if they could get a drink leaving him alone with Jeno once again. No matter how safe Jeno made him feel, Renjun still wanted to run out of the club and hide at home. He wished Chenle was there with him, he was already starting to miss the boy. “Are you okay?” Jeno asks and Renjun snaps his head up.

“Uh? Yeah, course I am.”

 

He’s _so_ _not_ okay, there is a sweaty dude rubbing himself on him and Renjun is super close to throwing his fists around so that people stop touching him. Jeno is nowhere to be seen, Jaemin is grinding on some chick he had found not even an hour ago, Mark and Donghyuck are in their own tiny world and Renjun wants to die.

Renjun grabs his phone, making sure nobody would snatch it away from him, and clicks on Chenle’s contact name. He prays to whatever superior being that is currently watching over him that his friend picks up because his anxiety is starting to pour out of his body and only him could calm Renjun down at times like these.

“Junnie?” Chenle’s sleepy voice is heard on the other line and Renjun lets out a sob. “Oh my god are you crying?”

“Lele I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Somebody starts grinding on him, meaning he had a total of two dudes all over him at the same time and he has no clue what he was supposed to do about that. “There’s two dudes and they’re like all over me! They stink!”

“Get out of there.” His friend sounds worried. “Please, where is everyone else?! Where the fuck is Jaemin?”

Renjun can’t even see his friend anymore, Jaemin had probably went to the restroom to make out with the girl he had seen him with previously. “I don’t know, and I don’t know where Jeno is either. I’m going to cry.”

“Okay, listen to me. Where is the door?” Chenle tries his best to stay calm even if he felt nervous himself. “Renjun do you see the door?”

“No, it’s too dark.” He starts walking away from the spot he had been for the past hour. “I was just dancing with them all and then everyone went crazy, like pushing each other and I lost them. I don’t know where I am at all.”

“Is there a bar? Aren’t the bars filled with lights? Go towards light.” Chenle says and waits for Renjun to answer but the other stays quiet. “You found it?”

“Yes, I’m going to the bar place. What do I say?”

“Just, stay there? And call Jeno?”

Renjun nods even though Chenle can’t see and sighs once he reaches the bar, the bartender raises his eyebrows at him and he smiles weakly. “Okay, I’m going to call Jeno now.”

“If he doesn’t pick up then call me, okay?”

“Okay.” Renjun hangs up and dials Jeno’s number, it rings and rings to no avail. “Fuck you Lee Jeno.”

He spends a few minutes constantly dealing everyone’s number, he doesn’t care if Jaemin is having the time of his life right now, he feels like he might pass out. Donghyuck and Mark don’t pick up either, Renjun starts to feels his eyes get watery and breathes in deeply.

Before he can call Jeno again, someone starts speaking to him and he freezes. “Hey there pretty thing.” The dude must be at least one meter ninety tall, Renjun can’t breathe. “Want to dance with me?”

“No thanks, I don’t dance.” And it’s true, he doesn’t, he sucks at dancing.

“Oh, c’mon, we can have some fun.” His smile sends shivers down Renjun’s spine, and not a good kind. “Me and my friends are having so much fun, you seem lonely. Join us.”

Renjun considers running, but the guy would probably catch him anyways. Another two scarily buff guys join him, Renjun thinks he might actually faint. “Why are you taking so long?” The shortest of them all asks the initial guy.

“He’s playing hard to get.” _No, no I am not I want you to go away from me_. “Aren’t you, princess?”

The nickname causes Renjun’s stomach to twist, he can taste the bile in his mouth. “He looks so innocent.” One of them says, a disgusting smirk on his face as he eyes Renjun from head to toe. Renjun shakes. His eyes are unmoving, like his brain had stop and forced him to keep the eye contact with the males.

Suddenly there are two hands on his shoulders and he gasps, scared it’d be one yet another scary guy. Thankfully it’s Jeno, who is looking quite pissed, the sight makes the older tense up further. “Let’s go.” He whispers and grabs the other’s wrist as he drags him out, the cool air makes both of them shiver. “How are you?” Jeno asks but Renjun only stares at his shoes. “Renjun look at me.”

But he doesn’t and starts to walk away while staring at the floor, tears threatening to fall at any second. He feels stupid, and very weak, if Jeno wouldn’t have come he knew they’d get their way because Renjun couldn’t move nor breathe. I’m weak, he repeats it in his head like a mantra and his legs move quicker even if he has no clue how to get back home.

Suddenly, his back is being pressed against Jeno’s chest and he can’t move due to the younger’s strength. You’re weak, the tiny voice yells and he starts sobbing loudly. “Renjun are you scared of me?” Jeno asks quietly and flips him around so Renjun’s head is buried on the younger’s chest. “I won’t hurt you ever.”

“I’m so weak.” Renjun croaks out and Jeno hugs him closer. “I’m so stupid and weak.”

“Shut up.” The blonde murmurs against the soft brown hairs, Renjun just cries harder and he presses a kiss on the top of other’s head. “Please Renjun you’re not weak, nor stupid. You’re the most intelligent boy I know.” When there is no answer the younger presses further. “Not even I could defend myself in that situation, you’re not weak. You panicked.”

“They wanted to-“ He tries but doesn’t finish because he’s crying once again, Jeno doesn’t know what to do to calm him down apart from playing with the other’s locks. “I’m not an object.”

“You’re not, you’re nothing of the sort.” Jeno agrees and the crying finally starts to die out. “Let’s go home.”

Renjun puts his chin on Jeno’s chest and furrows his eyebrows, his eyes are red and puffy but he still looks so pretty. To Jeno at least. “Home?”

“You can sleepover at mines, I live closer and if you feel bad again I’ll feel better knowing I’m next to you.” The younger looks straight into the other’s eyes as he speaks and Renjun shudders because there is no hint of bad intentions in those words.

Jeno made him feel safe, always had. “Okay.” Renjun whispers and lets Jeno intertwine their fingers as they walk towards his house.

 

The house is quiet and every light is turned off once Jeno opens the door, they walk up the stairs towards the boy’s room trying their best to not make much noise. Once inside, Renjun sits on the bed and waits as the other looks for a pyjama that he could possibly lend him. The room is simple, light grey walls, a big desk with a computer and books in the corner, a few more books on the white shelf on the right of the desk and, behind the bed there is a stack of Gundam figurines (Renjun smiles fondly at that even if he still feels numb all over).

“Here.” Jeno smiles and throws the other a light blue pyjama. “Should fit.”

“How old are these?” Renjun eyes the pants, they look pretty slim for a guy like Jeno.

“I wore them when I was maybe fourteen.” He admits and Renjun chuckles, trying his best to muffle the annoying voice inside his head shouting about how stupidly skinny he was. “I’ll uh, use the toilet real quick, put it on.”

Renjun nods and Jeno leaves the room with his own pyjamas. The older changes quickly and puts his clothes on the chair near the bed where Jeno apparently stacks his other clothes, then looks around some more. There are a few picture of him and the rest of the group on the wall near the desk, Jaemin is in a few of them smiling brightly like always. Renjun smiles fondly once again, he wonders how the night is going for his best friend. Probably great, or so Renjun hopes.

Jeno comes back with his other clothes in his hand and drops them on top of Renjun’s on the chair. “So.” He grabs the other’s attention. “How comfortable are you with sleeping in the same bed as me? I get it if you’re not, I don’t mind using the floor for tonight.”

The older chews on his bottom lip, he trusts the blonde and doesn’t want him sleeping on the floor when he’s the guest. “Bed works fine for both of us.” He eyes the bed, it isn’t very big but also not small, it should work. Jeno smiles brightly, his eye smile somehow making Renjun feel better.

Once it’s dark and they’re both laying on the bed quietly, Jeno’s soft voice dares break the silence. “Renjun.” The older hums in response. “Do I scare you?”

The silence stabs Jeno slightly and he bites his lip, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “No.” Renjun finally answers and the other lets out a deep sigh. “I feel safe with you.”

There is more silence after the confession, and it’s now Renjun’s turn to feel self-conscious. It doesn’t last long, though, because a few seconds later Jeno pushes himself closer to Renjun and wraps his leg around the other’s tiny waist. “I’m glad, I’m glad you feel safe.” Is all he says before everything goes quiet once and for all.

Renjun doesn’t bother moving positions, Jeno was warm and smelled good, Jeno was safe and would never hurt him. He sleeps better that night.

 

 

“So, did you guys like- y’know?” Chenle asks (well, yells) from the other side of the line, Renjun stays silent till the other finally realizes his mistake. “Oh, right.”

“Yeah.” Renjun rolls his eyes knowing full well Chenle won’t see it. “We didn’t, obviously.”

“Okay but what happened then.”

“I slept over.” The older explains but Chenle just chuckles. “And like, we sort of cuddled?”

“YOU DID WHAT?!” Chenle screams and Renjun puts his phone away from his ear as the other keeps yelling for a few minutes non-stop. “Oh my god Renjun!”

“Look-“ He starts but his friend starts giggling loudly and he shuts him up. “He just pushed me close and put his leg on top of me.”

“You let him?!” He asks with disbelief. “Holy shit, is this the Renjun I know?”

“He’s very touchy! And looks like a sad puppy if I push him away.”

Chenle doesn’t buy it and laughs loudly, Renjun has to move his phone away from his ear again. “Suuuure, whatever you say champ.”

“Fuck off.” The older says before hanging up.

 

 

No one questions Jeno’s and Renjun’s early departure at the party, they were all too drunk to even notice anyways. Renjun is glad, he wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened and would happily keep it a secret from everybody else.

It was Saturday, Renjun had agreed to Jaemin’s offer of tagging along with the rest of his gang much to everyone’s surprise. Truthfully, he couldn’t stand another day inside his house studying till his brain hurt.

Donghyuck is the last one to show up, he greets everyone with a lazy ‘Hello’. He pours a handful of Smarties on his hand and shoves them inside his mouth. Mark chuckles at the sight and points at the cylinder shaped box. “To Donghyuck, from Haechan? Who’s Haechan.”

The boy places a kiss on Mark’s cheek and sits by his side. “Me, I’m Haechan.”

“Since when is your name Haechan, what-“ Renjun furrows his eyebrows and looks at Mark who mouths ‘Don’t question’ at him.

“It’s my artistic name.” The boy grins.

Jaemin groans loudly. “You don’t an artistic name.”

“Fuck off.” Donghyuck flips the boy off and goes back to savouring the Smarties, Mark doesn’t even bother asking for permission before eating some as well. “How was the party, y’all?”

“Oh, fucking amazing I loved it.” Samuel, one of Jaemin’s friends answers.

“You’re not even part of our swimming team, idiot.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “Everyone was so wasted, it was hilarious.”

“I wasn’t that bad.” Jaemin protests. “I only had a few shots and a beer.”

“And then smoked like a fucking chimney.” Donghyuck snorts and Jaemin raises his fist up in the air. “It’s true, you’re going to ruin your body if you keep on getting wasted like that all the time. You think that pretty face won’t melt away from the amount of shit you consume?”

Mark slaps his boyfriend’s shoulder to shut him. “Don’t say stuff like that.”

“It’s true! See, Renjun over here will have that pretty face forever because he isn’t ruining himself over like us. Good job, buddy.”

Renjun chokes on his own spit when he hears his name. “Thanks?” He croaks out.

“Fuck off, Donhyuck, you’ll be just as ugly as me anyways.” Jaemin spits out, but Donghyuck just shrugs.

“That’s okay, Mark is just like Jun so he can be the pretty one of the marriage.”

Mark lets out a shriek, his eyes are so open wide that Renjun fears they might pop out. “Marriage-“ He blinks a few times and clears his throat. “You won’t ever be ugly.”

Everyone gags at the comment, Donghyuck is too busy kissing the boy to care about it though.

 

 

His Geography lesson had been cancelled, leaving Renjun with extra free time. He ponders if he should go home, but comes to the conclusion that he wouldn’t even have time to take a small nap if he did that. So he decides to simply head to his practice earlier, the streets are not crowded with students like usual and so he mumbles along with the song blasting through his earphones.

Renjun doesn’t exactly know what he is supposed to do with an extra half hour to get ready but then it hits him, he never used it but there was a gym in the swimming pool building. Perhaps he could go there and warm up, or just have some alone time.

He remembers vaguely the way there, instead of going down the stairs he walks ahead until he sees the sign saying “Gym”. What he isn’t expecting is being met by the sight of Jeno using a Pull-Down Machine (he had been forced to remember the stupid machine names by their coach a few years back), his muscles were bulging under his black t-shirt and his knuckles were as white as his hair. The younger had his eyes closed, a pained expression on as he pulled the weight down, but they snap open once the door slams shut.

They stare at each other for quite some time, and then Jeno grins. “Hi!”

Renjun blinks and forces himself to greet him back. “Hello, uh I can go if you want-“

“No! No, it’s all good.” The blonde lets the weight go and cleans the sweat with the back of his hand. “Wanna join?”

He scoffs, never in his life had he used any gym machine and he wasn’t really motivated to do so. “Not really.”

“Oh c’mon, it’ll be fun.”

It’s not that he’s afraid of looking weak in front of Jeno, but that’s _exactly_ it. Renjun pouts but nods and heads towards the easiest looking machine; a Spin Bike. They workout quietly, apart from the little grunts the blonde would occasionally let out everything was complete silence.

Renjun doesn’t want to look, but the bike is facing Jeno meaning he has no choice but to face him as well. He hates how handsome he finds the other even with his hair sticking to his forehead and sweat running down his face, he hates that Jeno can manage to look good even then.

Jeno opens his eyes and Renjun looks away. “I like the glasses.” Jeno says and Renjun touches the frame that had slipped to the end of his nose, he had forgotten about his glasses completely. “They really suit you.”

“Thank you.” He chuckles. “I’m glad you think so.”

“You should use them more often, why don’t you?”

He shrugs. “Not practical, I have to be extra careful to not break them.”

The other nods, a little pout forms on his lips and Renjun wants _so badly_ to get off the bike and kiss Jeno right then. He wonders if his lips are as soft as Chenle’s, wonders if he’d feel the cliché butterflies in his stomach if he did so. He snaps out of it when Jeno speaks up again. “We should head to the changing rooms, there’s only ten minutes left.” Renjun gets off the bike and follows Jeno out of the room, they walk quietly but neither seem to mind it.

There were already some boys getting ready once they get there, Donghyuck puts his arms around Jeno’s shoulder and greets both of them with a big smile. Suddenly, Renjun doesn’t fear him anymore and gathers the courage to hold his hand up for a high-five that Donghyuck thankfully accepts.

Jaemin comes almost last, Renjun waits for him nevertheless. “What took you so long?” He asks as his friend throws his shoe to the floor.

“Uh- crush, we kissed.” Jaemin still manages to smile when he’s stressing over being late, Renjun finds that admirable to an extent.

“Wait which one?”

“Ginger, older one.”

Renjun hums and pats his friend’s back once he’s finally ready to go. “Good job, tell me about it during practice. We should run now, though.”

They run as fast as they can through the changing rooms, Renjun almost falls one time but Jaemin grabs him before he hits the ground. Both of them giggle, but it doesn’t last long because their coach isn’t so pleased about them being five minutes late to practice.

They’re forced to do ten fifteen push-ups while everyone is already swimming, and as much as Renjun hates any other physical activity apart from swimming, he still laughs along with Jaemin. “Thank for waiting, I’ll pay you back for this sometime.” His friend promises midway through the push-ups.

“You better.” Renjun pokes his tongue out and they giggle once more.

 

 

Jaemin grabs yet another fry from Renjun’s plate, the older glares at him. He already felt moody about a bad grade he had received that morning, so everything was making him explode. The other chews on his food, totally oblivious to the fact that Renjun was trying his best to not stand up and throw his fries at his friend’s face.

“So, are you going to the party next week?” He asks and licks his fingers.

Renjun clenches his fists and breathes in sharply. “No.”

“Why not?!” Jaemin pouts. “You never want to go! Why?!”

That was all it took for Renjun to snap, the boy rubs the pads of his fingers against the sides of his forehead. “Y’know Jaemin, not everybody enjoys getting wasted and hooking up with strangers. I don’t know if I feel like almost getting raped once more while your ass is having fun with some girls inside the toilet stalls.” He starts yelling by the end of the sentence and gets up. “So, no thanks, I don’t want to fucking go to any of your stupid parties.”

His friend blinks, his mouth is wide open in shock and it would be comical if Renjun wasn’t fuming. “You- raped? What-“

“Yes! Yes Jaemin and if you weren’t wasted maybe you- Whatever, I’m going.” He grabs his bag and runs out of the cafeteria, leaving a stunned Jaemin behind.

Renjun knows he would regret his decision after, he wasn’t the type to explode on people like that and prided himself on being rational. That day, however, everything just felt like too much and the things he had kept to himself over time finally left his chest. It was relieving yet the weight on his shoulders seemed to get heavier, he knew he’d have to speak with Jaemin at some point and fix whatever he had created and that scared him.

“Yay to my stupid life decisions.”

 

He’s sitting inside the school’s studying/hangout room for the upper classes, the surrounding noise is being muffled by the music playing in his earphones. Renjun can’t really concentrate on the task ahead, the Jaemin incident kept replaying inside his head non-stop.

He had spent the last week ignoring the other as much as possible, the classes they were forced to sit together were the absolute worst. Renjun felt like puking each time Jaemin moved the furthest possible from him.

It wasn’t any better during practice, people noticed and would give them curious looks, but neither said a word about it. Renjun wanted to speak to Jaemin, he really did, but he wasn’t quite sure of _what_ he was going to say to him because he still believed Jaemin to be selfish. However, he did not like being in bad terms with him one bit, he felt empty all the time. Plus, he had exploded without much of a reason and that made things worse because, technically, it was _his_ fault they weren’t talking anymore.

Someone smacks their hand on top of Renjun’s History essay and he yelps, coming out of his daze instantly. “What the fuc-“ He starts but lets his mouth hang open when he sees Jaemin right in front of him.

“We gotta talk, now.” The boy starts packing Renjun’s things for him and then grabs his friend’s wrist. “Unfreeze, Renjun. I have classes next period unlike you.”

Renjun nods and grabs his bag, he follows behind Jaemin across the school halls. He feels lightheaded with nervousness, he’s glad Jaemin had approached him first but he knew the boy was mad, he would too. “Jaemin look I’m really sorr-“

“That’s all you know how to say! But then you keep hurting me! And then I’m the bad friend!” The boy snaps, they’re in the middle of the hallway which isn’t the best place to be having this conversation but Renjun doesn’t dare tell him that. “You think you’re a perfect friend?! You’re not!”

“You’re not either!” Renjun yells back. “You’re always pushing me into doing things that I don’t want! And you never seem to give a fuck if I’m dying with anxiety or not!”

“Seriously, Renjun? I do that for you, I want you to get out of your shell.”

“What if I don’t want to get out?” He scoffs. “Not everyone wants to be like you, y’know?”

Jaemin lets out a bitter laugh, looks up at the ceiling and breathes in sharply. “Okay, Renjun. What else do you want to complain about, since that’s all you do.”

Renjun’s eyes go wide open. “Jaemin-“

“Fuck off Renjun, I love you and I try my best to do what I think is best for you but all you see is your point of view. You can’t tell me I’m a bad friend when you’re not any better, you’re my best friend and yet it seems as if you’re never there for me anymore.”

“You got so many friends-“

“So what?! So fucking what?! They’re for hanging out, you’re true, you’re real. I care for you so much but you don’t seem to see it, I’m sorry if you don’t want me to push you to do things out of your comfort zone. I thought I was helping, guess I wasn’t. You should’ve told me earlier instead of exploding like you did.”

The older feels his legs go weak, he hates fighting with people, he hates how disappointed and sad Jaemin looks. “I’m sorry, and I mean it when I say it.” Renjun lets out a broken sob. “I care for you Jaemin, I do. But you’re from a different world and sometimes that’s really overwhelming to me, and I always feel like I’m not good enough in your eyes.”

“You’re more than enough.” Jaemin sighs. “I don’t want you to be like my other friends, I want you to get over your anxiety and not feel so lonely. Haven’t you met good people because I made you join my hangouts?”

He had. Jeno pops inside his head and he groans. “I… I did.” He whispers and Jaemin gives him the _‘see, I told you so’_ look. “I’m sorry.”

Jaemin chuckles and grabs his arms. “I’m sorry too, let’s get better at this communication thing. Yeah?” Renjun nods and Jaemin hugs him tightly. “I don’t like fighting you.”

“Me neither, I thought I might pass out.” The older lets out a laugh and Jaemin joins him. “Wanna hang this Saturday?”

His friend nods. “I’d love to.”

 

 

Jaemin sits by his side when they enter the computer room, the teacher had given the class a special activity in which they had to do their own research. She explains what they’re supposed to do for about ten minutes and then they’re free to either use their time to do the work or, like most, mess around in the internet.

The computers are separated with foggy looking glass, meaning you could only see what the other person was doing if you really tried. Renjun peaks at Jaemin’s computer screen and snorts, the boy was searching his own name on Google and staring at the weird looking people that came up. “Seriously?” Renjun asks in-between giggles.

“What? It’s a classic, you gotta do it everytime we use the computer room.” Jaemin shrugs and closes the tab.

They get to work, the room quiets down as well a few minutes after. Renjun glances around and searches ‘Lee Jeno’, the first thing that shows up is an Instagram link. He furrows his eyebrows, he had never even considered if Jeno had social media or not, he probably did just like most teenagers (Renjun didn’t, he couldn’t bother creating accounts for things he didn’t have time for).

Renjun clicks on it hoping it was _the_ Lee Jeno. The page loads and Renjun contains the urge to gasp, he smiles as admires the pretty pictures of the blonde that show up first. There is a selfie of the boy with his cat, a selfie of him with Jaemin and another of some sort of game he didn’t recognize that he had apparently gotten for Christmas (according to the caption).

He scrolls down and analyses the pictures for quite some time until something pops on his screen, Renjun flinches and furrows his eyebrows. “Whoever Lee Jeno is I’m sure you can stalk him when you’re home.” He reads quietly to himself

Once his brain connects the dots, Renjun can feel his face heat up and looks at his teacher sitting at her own desk just a few meters away. The smirk plastered all over her face doesn’t help how embarrassed he feels, Renjun closes all the tabs and almost ends up deleting his Word document along the way.

“Idiot.” Renjun mumbles and hides his face in his hands.

(Once he comes home, Renjun calls Chenle immediately and both boys spend the rest of the evening stalking Jeno's Instagram together.)

 

 

Going to the gym whenever he had free time before practice started became a little routine for Renjun. Jeno would always greet him with the same cute smile that made him weak in the knees and they’d workout together, sometimes it was quiet and sometimes they’d chat the whole time. Renjun didn’t mind either, he enjoyed being around Jeno no matter what. 

Renjun swings his bag onto his back and walks out of the classroom, it was one of the days he would workout with Jeno and he can’t help smile at the thought. He walks out of the door but stops in his tracks when he notices the familiar blonde locks from outside the gate, Renjun speeds up. “What are you doing here?”

The boy turns his head towards Renjun’s direction, a smile forms in his face as soon as they lock eyes. “Picking you up.”

“What?” Renjun’s eyes widen.

“Is that okay? Me picking you up?” Jeno asks looking slightly worried.

The older nods frantically. “Yes! Yes, I’d like that.” Jeno’s smile almost blinds him.

They don’t talk much for quite some time, it isn’t until they’re inside the gym that the blonde speaks again. “Why do you always do leg workout?” Renjun replies with a shrug. “C’mon try this one.”

Renjun gulps, he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Jeno like that but he didn’t have a proper excuse to why he didn’t want to do it. He sits down and looks at Jeno as if asking how in the world the machine worked, the blonde snorts.

“Okay, hands on the handle.” He instructs and Renjun follows. “Pull down.” He does, but the machine barely moves. Renjun is ready to run out of the room with embarrassment but then Jeno facepalms and crouches down. “I’m an idiot, it’s your first time and I forgot to change it.”

The older watches as Jeno changes the weight from seventy kilos to twenty. He feels terrible, Jeno could lift so much meanwhile he had what Chenle would call noodle-arms. Renjun can feel is face burn from embarrassment, and even though he tries to hide how bad he feels, Jeno still notices.

“Please stop, it’s normal. Don’t beat yourself to it, I used to be the same.” The blonde places his hand on Renjun’s thigh and squeezes it gently. “I’ve been working out for a year now, you’ll reach my level too if you keep going.”

Renjun nods and tries to pull down the weight, this time it does move and the boy starts pushing and pulling in a slow rhythm. Strangely enough, he enjoys the way Jeno observes him with interest.

They stay that way, with Jeno staring at him and mumbling small praises, until there’s about five minutes before practice. Renjun’s arm are numb and he’s sure they’ll hurt for at least a week, but he doesn’t have it in him to care.

 

 

The March breeze hits his face as soon as he opens the door and he smiles. Renjun couldn’t believe the day of one of their competitions had landed on his birthday, it was pure luck.

He walks quickly, the streets are empty and quiet like they always were at six o’clock in the morning of a Saturday but it was no longer dark out at that time so Renjun doesn’t feel scared like he did last time. The only reason he was basically running in the direction of the bus stop was that he couldn’t wait to see his friends, unlike before where he’d run for his life everytime he’d see a strange looking shadow.

As soon as he appears in his friend’s field of vision, Renjun is being engulfed in hugs and almost loses his hearing in the meantime due to their loud yelling. “Happy birthday to our little Junnie!” Jaemin shouts and the others copy him just as loud. “You can now buy alcohol for me!”

“You already do that yourself.” Renjun rolls his eyes.

“Yes but now I can do it legally through you.” His friend grins and squishes Renjun’s cheeks lovingly. “How does being legal feel like?”

Renjun snorts loudly. “Literally the same as always, not like I’m going to make any use of the perks that come with being eighteen.”

Their celebrations are cut off by their coach informing them that the bus would have to leave in two or three minutes, his friends don’t quite let go though. Entering the bus proves to be quite difficult with at least three boys clinging to Renjun’s body, they somehow manage to pass through the slim door and make their way towards the end of the bus.

One by one they let go of his body, even Donghyuck, who seems keen on backhugging Renjun, unlatches himself off the boy once the bus finally starts moving. It’s only a few minutes into the bus ride that Renjun realises that Jeno had been awfully quiet, only having hugged him and said happy birthday once while the rest were all over him. Renjun glances at the blonde who is looking out of the window peacefully, his stomach twists violently and he looks away.

“Is something up with Jeno?” Renjun asks Jaemin who was busy playing a random game on his phone.

Jaemin frowns and pauses the game, his friend looks over to Jeno and then back to Renjun. “I didn’t even notice him today, that’s odd.” He rubs his chin. “I’ll ask him about it later, but don’t worry too much.”

 _That’s like asking me to not breathe_ , he wanted to say but instead nodded and turned around to chat with Donghyuck, or whoever was willing to take his mind off Jeno’s weird behaviour.

 

If the word extra could take human form it’d be Chenle. The boy had ran towards his team the moment they entered the building with two horns on his hands and an amused looking Jisung following holding a sign saying ‘Junnie is finally legal!’.

Renjun has the biggest urge to run out through the doors he had just come in from, everyone inside the swimming pool was looking at them and how could they not when his friend was being so _loud_ about the whole thing?

“Chenle-“

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVOURITE BAMBOO STICK!” His friend yells right into his ear, Renjun almost cries out in pain but collects himself.

“Thanks.” He chuckles and hugs his friend, no matter how much he hated the attention Chenle had dragged towards them he still appreciated the gesture. “Can my birthday present be a hearing aid?”

Chenle slaps his shoulder and is about to protest but Jisung cuts him off. “Happy birthday, dude. You’re getting old, I see.”

“Thanks. You’re still a fetus, I see.” Renjun smirks when Jisung puts his fist up high in the air threatening to punch him.

 

He was already expecting Chenle to neglect his team for the entire day, his friend had already told him he wished to spend as much time together as he could, but he didn’t quite expect him to grab his things and throw them next to Renjun’s team pile of bags. “Your coach is fine with this?” Renjun furrows his eyebrows, meanwhile Chenle is too busy making sure he didn’t have anything of value inside his bag.

“He’s cool with it, says that if it’s only for today then it doesn’t really matter.” The younger shrugs. “I can go if you want-“

“No!” Renjun grabs his arm when the other stands up and starts walking away. “I was joking.”

“So was I, but good to know you’re the clingy type as well.”

“Am not.” He protests and crosses his arms.

Before they can keep on bickering, Renjun’s coach shows up to have a quick chat with Chenle about their team’s rules. Not that they varied very much from Chenle’s own team, but he had to give out a good image to other people.

The talk drags on, mostly because Chenle decided to start doing small talk with the man, and Renjun decides to go next to his other friends who are bundled together eating the crackers their coach had bought. “If you guys keep eating like that, by the end of the day we are going to be starving.” He tsks and sits next to Jeno, purposely bumping their knees together in the process. The blonde doesn’t react and keeps on eating with his eyes focused on the floor, Renjun pouts. “You okay?”

Jeno lifts his head up and looks at Renjun with wide eyes. “Me? I’m great, why?”

“You keep zooming out.”

The blonde doesn’t say anything for quite some time, they stare into each other’s eyes in silence while Jeno takes small bites of his cracker, Renjun is amazed that he manages to hold eye contact with the boy without feeling nervous. “I didn’t notice.” He finally says and looks away. “Maybe I’m just nervous, the competitions keep getting more serious as time goes on.”

Renjun nods, but doesn’t quite believe the explanation. Not that it didn’t make sense, because it did, Renjun often zoomed out whenever he was stressed about something. Jeno however, he had never been worried about his results so it sounded fishy. “Okay, well, forget about it and enjoy your time here!”

Jeno gives him a tiny, unsure sure and goes back to focusing on the ground. _Weird._

 

“Jaemin he’s really acting weird.” Renjun fake sobs and his friend rolls his eyes. “I’m serious!”

They’re waiting for the blonde to start his competition, Renjun can see Jeno from the tiny window and he’s once more looking at the floor like it had all the answers to his life written on it. “He’s fine! He said he’s just nervous.”

“Jeno is never nervous!” He whines, to no avail because Jaemin simply shrugs him off. “Don’t you find it weird?!”

“If it is something else, it means he doesn’t want to speak about it, so don’t push him.”

He has a point so Renjun stops whining and goes back to staring at Jeno, the boy was unmoving it was like observing a statue. He only moves from his place when everyone else starts going out of the room, and even then he moves sluggishly like he was half alive.

“What’s wrong with your boyfriend?” A raspy voice asks from behind him.

Renjun doesn’t have the energy to tell Jisung off for calling Jeno his boyfriend, instead he lets out a long sigh and shakes his head. “I wish I knew.”

Jeno does his little routine before the whistle blows and he steps on the stand, Renjun watches as the boy bends down and goes into position just before the second whistle goes off and Jeno dives in just as gracefully as ever. He comes out of the water but his strokes aren’t nearly as powerful as they usually are and Renjun feels his heart break, w _hy was Jeno acting so weird?_

He steps to the front, pushing his teammates out of the way so Jeno can see him first once he makes a turn. “C’MON JENO!” The older shouts. Jeno looks in his direction and his face seems to light up slightly, Renjun smiles at that and keeps on chanting Jeno’s name till the boy is too far to hear him. “My vocal cords are dead” He wheezes out and rubs his throat.

A few people chuckle behind him but his attention is back to Jeno who had already completed the lap and was taking off his cap. Renjun eyes the time and notices Jeno had still managed to come first however he had gotten worse by several seconds, the coach looks just as confused as everyone else with the results.

The blonde wobbles his way back to the team with a poker face, there are no shouts and praises this time and Renjun feels his heart break once more. Jaemin is the first to come up to the other and pat his back, saying that it was normal to have bad results once in a while and that he shouldn’t feel bad about it. Jeno just shrugs and doesn’t say anything.

Renjun is about to greet him but the blonde disappears in the crowd without a word. He wants to cry, which is stupid because Jeno wasn’t exactly hurting him directly, but not knowing what in the world was going on made him feel so bad to the point of wanting to bawl his eyes out.

 

It doesn’t get better as time goes on, they were all waiting inside the room for their medley relay and Jeno was the only one completely quiet. Chenle pokes Renjun’s ribs with his elbow and furrows his eyebrows. “What’s up with him?”

“I have no clue.” Renjun sighs and looks at Jeno. “He’s been acting really odd today and doesn’t talk to anyone about it.”

“Maybe a kiss would cheer him up, no?” Chenle teases and bats his lashes, a knowingly smile on his face.

“As much as I wanna kiss him, I don’t think he’d appreciate the gesture right now.” He snorts, Renjun had long given up on fighting Chenle and Jisung teasing about his secret crush.

Suddenly, Donghyuck lets out a loud shriek and both boys turn around to figure out what had just happened. Jeno was standing up and looking at the Chinese boys like they had grown two heads while Donghyuck was on the floor whining about how Jeno should be more careful next time before standing up. “You want to what?” The blonde squeaks and Renjun’s eyes go wide open, _no._

“What?” He manages to ask even though he feels like puking.

“You said-“ Jeno blinks a few times and coughs. “That you wanted to-“

The lady shouts out their team’s name, effectively shutting Jeno up. Donghyuck grabs Jeno’s wrist and, with the help of Jaemin, push him out of the room. Meanwhile Renjun and Chenle are busy looking at each other with a look of pure horror, _they had been speaking Mandarin so how could Jeno know?_

“Has he ever mentioned knowing Mandarin?! What the hell?!” Chenle cries out and pulls a few strands of his hair harshly.

They too are forced to walk out of the room to get ready to compete, Renjun can’t feel his leg as he walks towards his team. “I- no?! He never mentioned knowing any other language apart from Korean…” He murmurs. “Chenle what do I do?!”

His friend looks at him with pity in his eyes. “I really wish I could help, but I don’t know what you can do in this case.” Chenle pats his back and walks towards his team, Jisung was already waiting for him with a curious look probably expecting his friend to spill the beans to him.

Renjun doesn’t look up and takes his shirt off, Jaemin helps him put his cap on quietly and Renjun is glad his friend isn’t asking any questions just yet. “Fighting, Junnie. Forget it for now, whatever is going on.”

He nods, and still doesn’t dare look up from the floor. Renjun enters the freezing water and gets into position, Jeno places his hand on top of his once he grabs the metal handle and he finally looks up. “Good luck.” The blonde smiles softly right before the second whistle blows and Renjun dives in.

His mind is supposed to be somewhere else, but Renjun can’t stop thinking about Jeno and how okay he seemed with knowing he wanted to kiss him. He doesn’t want to make assumptions because if he learnt anything from being friends with Jaemin was that assuming people like you back didn’t do any good.

Arm in, arm out. Renjun feels like he might puke and makes a turn, everyone is chanting his name. He looks at them through his goggles and something seems to snap inside of him, Renjun suddenly starts moving his limbs as fast as he can as if he had suddenly remembered this wasn’t a relaxing practice.

He closes his eyes tightly and focuses all his energy on moving his arms and legs the fastest he can, it isn’t until his hand slams against the wall that Renjun finally opens his eyes. Donghyuck jumps right away and Renjun feels as if he could breathe again, he looks to his side and notices another boy was already there. “Don’t pout! You were still first.” Jaemin assures him from outside the pool.

“Really?” Renjun grins. “I’m so sorry, I probably did really bad.”

“No! You did just fine, only for worse for one second I think.” His friend gives him a thumbs up.

Jeno is already in position on top of the stand once Renjun finally comes out of the water, the blonde has a tiny smile on his face as he waits for Donghyuck to finish his lap. Before Renjun can observe him much more, the boy dives in.

Jaemin rushes to praise Donghyuck who had apparently gotten better by ten seconds, Renjun joins him as soon as he hears how much Donghyuck had improved. “Damn, what did you eat to get this much better?” Jaemin asks and hi5’s the other.

“Mark.” Donghyuck smirks and Jaemin fake gags. “That and protein.”

Renjun snorts loudly and waits for the boy to come out of the water so he can give him a quick hug. “Congrats, I have to admit you have started to kick me less during practice.” He teases and if Donghyuck wasn’t over the moon with his results he would’ve probably hit the older.

The two boys wish Jaemin good luck just before Jeno hits the wall, Renjun is so busy watching Jaemin that he doesn’t notice Jeno walk right behind him. “Did I do well?” He asks with the same tiny smile of before.

“As always.” Renjun smiles back.

Jeno nods and moves his gaze towards Jaemin, the three cheer him the loudest they can once he makes a turn and starts moving closer to the end. Jaemin comes first for quite some seconds and they all start yelling, the other comes out of the pool and joins them in their weird celebratory ritual.

“First bitches!” Jaemin yells as they approach their team and everyone cheers.

 

Renjun hasn't seen Jeno for about an hour, the boy had mysteriously disappeared after everyone had calmed down. He doesn't want to admit it, but he's quite happy that Jeno wasn't nearby. Not because he didn't want to be with Jeno, he simply didn't know how to face the other after what had happened.

He feels a poke on his shoulder while he's happily chatting with Chenle and almost slips from the little jump he had done. Mark mumbles quite a few apologies until Renjun finally assures him he's fine.

“Jeno wants to talk to you.” Their leader finally explains the reason why he had ruined the boy's little chatting time. “Told me to ask you to go to the little garden outside the pool.”

Chenle grabs Renjun’s shoulder and shakes the older so harshly he feels like he might fall apart. “JUNNIEE IT'S HAPPENING!” He yells and, if Renjun wasn't so out of it all, he would've begged his friend to not be so loud. “Go! GO!”

Renjun can't feel his legs but somehow manages to walk out of the pool (not before grabbing his hoodie on the way out), he walks all the way to the little garden nearby the swimming pool and stops once he spots Jeno just a few meters away. _Do not assume things._

He closes his eyes and breathes in sharply, whatever was to come he had to deal with it calmly even if it was rejection or Jeno ending their friendship. He had to stay collected and respect it because it wasn't Jeno’s fault he had started wanting something more than a friendship.

Jeno notices him and waves, it takes everything in Renjun to not run away like a scared cat. “Hey.” He whispers and sits next to Jeno on the bench. “What is it that you want to talk about?”

"You know what you asked me earlier today?" Jeno plays with his fingers with the same soft smile of before.

"Yeah." Renjun furrows his eyebrows. "Is something wrong?"

"Well, Renjun, there is in fact something wrong. Or was." Jeno sighs deeply and stares at the tree just in front of them. "You see, my problem is that I'm a complete idiot."

"Jeno-" The older starts but Jeno cuts him off.

"No listen, I'm the idiot who started liking a boy with a stupidly cute crooked tooth and pretty black hair back when he was fourteen knowing full well he wasn't interest in anything that wasn’t school related. But that was okay, I barely saw the boy so it didn’t matter because he didn't even talk to me."

Renjun can only blink, his body feels as if it had been put under a spell and transformed it into rock.

The blonde chuckles and cracks his fingers’ joint. "But then he put braces on, started talking to me and even changed his hair. And it all became just too hard to ignore, I didn't want to be an idiot anymore but no matter how much I tried I couldn’t stop." He doesn't look to his side to check Renjun’s reaction to his little speech. "Everything just kept piling up and lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by all these questions, stuff like 'will my feelings ever be reciprocated' and 'where am I going with all this?'"

Renjun wants to speak, he wants to touch Jeno’s hand and tell him to breathe for one second because the other seems to be just as out of breath as someone who had run a marathon.

"Then I heard you say you wanted to kiss me." Jeno whispers. "And I guess I'm not really an idiot after all."

Renjun can't move, can't think, can't speak, he wants to but he just _can't._ Jeno finally turns his head to stare at him and his eye smile definitely doesn't help how overwhelmed he was feeling. The blonde places his right hand on top of Renjun’s thigh and squeezes it lightly. “Say something, please.”

“I-“ Renjun croaks out. “What can I say I'm-“

“Do you want to be my boyfriend, Renjun?”

 _Boyfriend._ “God, yes.” He nods vigorously and accidently giggles but that doesn't matter because Jeno, _his_ Jeno, likes him back. “Since you're fourteen?! I'm honoured but- how?”

Jeno snorts. “I don't know, you're different. Your aura, it really attracts me.” He admits and Renjun wants to tell him the exact same, and decides to do just that because there were no barriers anymore.

“You- Your aura, I can't even explain it myself how different it all is from everyone else’s” Renjun couldn't help the foolish smile on his lips as he spoke. “I'm so bad at this whole confessing thing but I really do like you a lot.”

“I'm just happy you like me like I like you.” The blonde places a quick kiss to the other's cheek and caresses Renjun’s face while he talks. “I swear, I thought you liked Chenle or something.”

“Chenle?!” He shrieks but then thinks it over. “Okay I can see your point but no, really you're my first ever crush.”

Jeno’s cheeks turn into a rosy colour at the little confession and his smile widens. “Ah... Really? I feel special.”

“You are.” Renjun mumbles and Jeno places yet another kiss on his cheek. “And, for the record, you're still an idiot.”

 

When they come back inside holding hands and radiating happiness, their friend’s bombard them with questions. Chenle stays by the side with a proud expression meanwhile Jaemin looks as confused as ever, Renjun snorts mentally at the two reactions.

“We're dating.” Jeno informs Jaemin, Donghyuck and Mark who gasp loudly.

“I saw it coming, I told you didn't I?” Donghyuck says to Mark whose eyes are just as big as two buttons.

“Y'all are _what_?” Jaemin shrieks. “This makes so much more sense holy-“

Renjun chuckles nervously and looks over to Chenle as if asking for moral support, his friend just gives him a thumbs up and keeps on watching the scene with an amused expression. “Can't believe you haven't noticed it.” Donghyuck tsks at Jaemin who was slowly regaining his senses back.

“I did! Sort of... But Junnie never liked someone so i wasn't sure.” He pouts. “How did _you_ notice?”

“I have falcon eyes I see everything even if i don’t want to.” Donghyuck smirks and turns to the new couple. “You guys ain't slick, but I'm really happy for you.”

They both give him a flustered smile. “Not to ruin the moment, congratulations by the way, but your competition will start soon Renjun.” Mark pats the boy's shoulder and points in the direction of the waiting room.

Renjun looks through the small window and panics once he recognises the faces of his opponents already inside. “I'll get going then!” He let's go of Jeno’s hand and runs away with Chenle following.

“So, how do you feel?” Chenle asks once they're finally inside.

“I don't know.” Renjun shrugs. “I'm really happy but it feels unreal.”

Chenle nods, probably understanding how he felt to some degree, and gives him a quick hug. “Well, I'm really happy for you. Hope it all goes well for you two.”

“Me too.” The older sighs, he felt happy but deep down part of his also felt _scared_.

 

In the end, he gets better by four seconds. It’s needless to say that everyone threw a little party once he made it back to his team, even Chenle got a few praises from some of Renjun’s teammates since he too had gotten better.

Jeno pulls him into a hug and nuzzles his face on the ash brown locks. “You just keep getting better and better.” He whispers. “Jaemin better watch out, his ace title might be snatched away.”

“Don’t be dramatic.” Renjun punches Jeno's  _hard_ chest (since when was it rock hard?) and giggles.

Speaking of the devil, Jaemin comes out of the waiting room and waves at them with a big grin. Renjun let’s go of Jeno and gets ready to cheer for his friend, he moves to the front with a banner someone had made and watches as his friend gets into position. “GO NA JAEMIN!” He yells just before the second whistle blows.

Jaemin’s way of swimming is mesmerizing, he moves so delicately and smoothly that it almost doesn’t look real. Unlike his opponents, who focus on moving their limbs as fast as they could, Jaemin seems to focus on moving them so that with just one swift movement he moves three times more than the rest. That was one of the reasons Renjun didn’t accept being called the new ace, Jaemin was just _special_ it was clear that he was gifted and that wasn’t something Renjun thought he could achieve.

The competition seems never-ending, watching one thousand and five hundred meters freestyle was one of the most boring things ever. Jaemin made it somewhat better, though, Renjun couldn’t take his eyes off the boy as he swam.

He comes first, it’s not shocking, but his team cheers as loudly as they can anyways. Jaemin waves at them before leaving the pool, grabbing his things and coming back to his team. “You’re amazing.” Renjun smiles widely and hugs his friend. “Seriously.”

“Could say the same about you.” Jaemin winks.

“No flirting!” Jeno yells from behind Renjun and quirks one of his eyebrows up.

“First of all, gross, that’s like flirting with my own brother and I’m not into incest. Secondly, I’m as straight as a pole.” He rolls his eyes and flicks Jeno on the forehead. “Ain’t gotta praise me?”

Jeno mocks him with a high-pitch voice but does indeed end up praising his friend and giving him a quick hug. Renjun lets them be and goes next to Chenle who is looking in the direction of his own team, Renjun doesn’t need to ask to know _who_ his friend is staring at. “Should we get ready?”

Chenle snaps his head in Renjun’s direction and blinks a couple of times. “Get ready for wha- Oh!” He smiles and nods. “You brought the onesie I bought you?”

“Course.” Renjun smiles back and they walk towards the mess of bags, finding their own proves to be difficult but they manage after a few minutes of throwing some bags around.

The changing rooms are already filled with people putting on their weird costumes, Renjun loved their Spring competition not because it always landed near to his birthday but because of their little costume party at the end of the day. He never really dressed up as anything, only put on his Mickey Mouse onesie and called it a costume.

This year however he had the Moonmin onesie Chenle had given him, he puts it over his swimming trunks and looks at himself in the mirror. The cap of the onesie had Moonmin’s face on it and Renjun finds it adorable, Chenle couldn’t have given him a better present. Speaking of which, as soon as Renjun saw his friends costume he almost fell to the floor laughing. “You look- oh my god.” He wheezes out and wipes the tears forming in his eyes.

Chenle was wearing a plain green onesie and a flower head-piece, even if he looked adorable Renjun couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. “Shut up I look cute, you bully.” Chenle pouts and grabs his bag. “You can walk by yourself.”

“No, Lele come back.” Renjun whines and runs after the younger, it was a miracle none of them slipped in the meantime. He stops in his tracks once they reach their team, Chenle is long forgotten once he sees Jeno dressed as a… _merman?_

Jeno had nothing on but a pair of tight leggings with a sparkly scales pattern, there was a little glittery crown in his hair and someone (who he guessed to be Donghyuck) had put some heavy eye makeup on him. Renjun feels as if he might pass out at any second. “Like it?” The blonde asks and does a little **twirl**. 

“I think we should call an ambulance.” Chenle teases by Renjun’s side. “I can hear his heart calling for help from over here.”

“Shut up.” Renjun glares at Chenle and turns back to Jeno. “I’m offended by how good you look.”

Jeno snorts and shakes his head. “You look adorable I wanna squish you.” And he does, but Renjun doesn’t mind it because it’s Jeno doing it. “Is it too much? Donghyuck really went all in with the makeup…”

Renjun shakes his head violently, his neck even cracks in the process. “No! No, it looks good I like it a lot.” He can feel his cheeks heat up, he wasn’t used to giving compliments like that but Jeno’s smile makes up for it.

A woman’s voice echoes all over the swimming pool and everyone quiets down. “All the winners from today go to the waiting room, thank you.” One last beep comes from  the loudspeakers and then a crowd of people move in the direction of the room.

Renjun had never participated in the last activity of the day, he had never won anything in the past years which meant he only got to watch the winners swim in their costumes. It was fun watching them struggle to move, but he also envied them. Now he too would feel the torture of dragging his costume in the water, especially because he was wearing an onesie and it was definitely doing to be heavy enough to possibly drown him.

The room was cramped with people, the sheets of paper with the list of winners were now on the floor. Renjun picks the one with his name on it, third place Huang Renjun, he smiles and folds the paper planning to ask Chenle to keep it for him once he walked out.

The woman tells which teams to come out first, once their team’s name is heard the four boys walk out excitedly. Renjun quickly walks over to Chenle and hands him the paper before running behind Jeno, Jaemin and Donghyuck. It was almost like a miracle that their regular team for relay medley had won, especially Donghyuck who had never won before.

Jaemin was matching with Jeno in his merman outfit, if there were any girls around Renjun knows they’d be passing out at the sight. He was wearing the same tight leggings and had heavy eye makeup as well, Renjun didn’t want to admit it but Jaemin looked breathtaking.

Donghyuck had worn a couple outfit with Mark who had gone as Mario which meant he was stuck with a Luigi costume, it looked almost as funny as Chenle’s outfit but Renjun didn’t dare laugh knowing full well Donghyuck could kick his ass to the moon.

Renjun jumps inside the water, his body suddenly weighted ten times more than usual and it takes all his energy to come back up. “I’m going to drown in this.” He cries out as he pushes himself upwards and gets into position.

“Can I have your computer if you die?” Jaemin asks.

“Whats up with my friend and my computer?!” Renjun asks but Jaemin doesn’t get to answer because the whistle blows and Renjun has to dive in.

He tries his best to move but his onesie keeps getting more and more filled with water as time goes by, he doesn’t even turn properly knowing full well that if he went underwater he wouldn’t come out again. Once his hand finally touches the wall, Renjun is exhausted.

“I think I’m going to pass out.” He wheezes as he tries to come up the stairs.

Renjun squeezes some of the water out of the onesie but it still feels too heavy so he takes it off and throws it on the chair. Donghyuck is on his way back already, one of his hand was holding onto the green hat so it wouldn’t float away. Jeno goes into position and Renjun has to force himself to move his eyes away from him, _the leggings are too tight._

He lets out a sigh of relief once the blonde dives in and moves closer to the pool's boarder, Donghyuck looks like he might punch someone. “I’m going to kill Mark for thinking this outfit was a good idea.” He mumbles and both Renjun and Jaemin laugh loudly.

Jeno has no problems swimming, his opponents move sluggishly as he swims with the same grace of always. Jaemin too has no problem, once he touches the wall there are still some boys finishing doing their butterfly lap. They stand together watching their rivals as they swim for their life, Renjun comes to the conclusion that watching is definitely more fun than actually suffering the pain of swimming with a costume on.

Suddenly there’s a hand snaking around his waist and he yelps, Jeno chuckles at Renjun’s reaction but doesn’t let go and Renjun doesn’t want him to either. It feels nice and peaceful knowing that Jeno wanted him just as much as he wanted Jeno, in a way it still felt unreal. He knew he’d come home and that was when it’d finally hit him that Jeno and him were a _thing_ , even thinking about it made goosebumps show up on his skin.

A pop song blasts through the speakers and snaps Renjun out of his daze, it meant the activities were done and that they were free to do whatever they wished. Renjun is ready to go grab his onesie from the plastic chair but Jeno has other plans, the boy picks Renjun up bridal style as if he weighted nothing and starts walking to the side of the pool. “Jeno, no.” Renjun cries out. “JENO! Don’t you da-“

The boy pretends to not listen and throws himself inside the water with Renjun in his arms, they come to the surface and Renjun starts splashing water onto Jeno’s face in revenge. The younger goes under water and submerges closer to Renjun, their faces just a few inches apart. “Hold your breath.” Is all he says before pulling the other underwater.

Renjun’s eyes are tightly shut together and he doesn’t dare open them, not even when he feels Jeno’s hand on his cheek. He’s expecting it to happen, expecting Jeno’s lips to crash onto his, what he isn’t expecting are the almost unbearable fireworks that go off inside his stomach. It feels completely different from when he had kissed Chenle, it felt like the type of kisses he was used to reading in books only.

He opens his eyes once he can’t feel Jeno’s lips against his anymore, even with blurry vision Renjun thinks Jeno looks beautiful. They smile at each other and Renjun once more wished he could pause the moment right there and then, with Jeno only.  

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the ending was kinda.... bad, i tried i swear


	3. the new me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even if this isn’t the right path  
> I’ll figure it out once I start walking  
> Even if everyone tells me no  
> I think I know the answer of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap is just a big mix of unnecessary fluff and some angst, idk how to feel
> 
> and sorry for any typos beforehand, this is over 24k it's really hard to make sure it's perfect

* * *

 

 **R** enjun makes an extra effort to come late to practice, which was ironic considering that he’d always run for his life to get there on time. There was a very special reason behind it, though. Donghyuck thought it’d be a good idea for everyone to pretend to forget about Jeno’s birthday, Renjun had complained at first but ended up accepting with the guarantee that if Jeno got mad they’d blame it all on Donghyuck. He couldn’t risk seeing Jeno at the changing room’s because he knew full well he wasn’t going to be able to hurt his boyfriend like that, Renjun was sure he’d end up ruining the plan.

It takes him about ten minutes more to finally reach the changing rooms, inside there were only Donghyuck and another teammate of theirs. ”Hey, how's Jeno?” Renjun asks as he takes his swimming trunks out of his bag.

“Looking like a lost puppy, I almost felt bad for him.” The red haired chuckles. “He kept asking for you.”

The older smiles softly and takes his shirt off. “Cute.” He whispers but sighs right after. “I’m flattered but I can’t help but feel bad. I don't know if I can spend the whole practice pretending to not know.”

Donghyuck grabs the boy’s wrists and presses them against Renjun’s chest. “You gotta manage, don’t bail out.” Renjun lets out a long dramatic sigh and finishes getting ready, Donghyuck was already waiting by the door once he's done. Just before the coach opens his mouth to yell at them for being late, the boy turns to Renjun and shoots him two thumbs up. “Good luck loverboy.”

 

Renjun manages to not ruin the plan, he isn’t quite sure how, but he does. Thankfully they barely have time to even look at each other during practice, Jeno had given him a weak smile at some point but that had been about it.

Donghyuck rushes inside the changing rooms as soon as practice is over and everyone follows suit except Jaemin who was in charge of slowing Jeno down so he wouldn't walk up on them getting everything ready.

Mark takes the cake out of his locker, the leader was always allocated with the biggest one, and places it on the bench careful to not ruin it. They wait until everyone is hidden for Mark to turn the lights off and then the room goes completely silent as if there was no one inside.

Renjun bites on his thumb’s nail, he was scared Jeno wasn't going to like it. He knew for sure he would be quite pissed if all his friends pretended to have forgotten about his birthday.

The silence is broken by the sound of slippers and then the door opens. “What the fuck?” Jeno sounds like a mix of angry and confused, Renjun shivers from behind the door he was hiding. “Why is it dark here where is everyone-“

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEE JENO!” Jaemin shouts and turns on the lights, everyone pops out of their hiding places and cheers along with him. Mark walks closer to the blonde with the cake in his hands and a soft smile on his face, Jeno is too shocked to reciprocate the smile.

“You guys...” He blinks a few times. “Are such assholes. I really thought you had forgotten I-“Jeno groans and hides his face with his hands.

Renjun walks closer to his boyfriend and backhugs him. “I would never.” He rubs his face against Jeno broad back, a sigh escapes his lips. “This was like torture to me.”

Jeno chuckles and turns around to hug Renjun properly. They don't stop until Donghyuck physically breaks them apart and shoves the cake onto Jeno’s hands. “Okay okay, enough eat the cake because we got something to make up for our asshole move.” The blonde raises his eyebrows and looks at Renjun for answers but the other simply shrugs and lets out a tiny giggle.

The boys chat happily while devouring the sweet chocolate cake Renjun had made and, once they're done, get ready to leave. “Is my reward also a surprise?” Jeno asks as they walk outside.

“Yep, but I'm sure you'll love it.” Donghyuck grins and grabs Mark’s hand.

Jeno stares at their intertwined hands as they walk in front of them, Renjun is walking by his side with a peaceful look on his face while looking at the busy streets. The blonde pokes the other’s hand to grab his attention, it works and the boy turns his head to look at him curiously. “What is?”

He intertwines their fingers and Renjun looks shocked for a few seconds before smiling brightly. “You're cute.” Jeno coos, pinching Renjun’s soft cheek when the other scoffs.

“Shut up.” Renjun mumbles and turns his face away so Jeno wouldn't notice the stupid blush that had risen onto his cheeks.

Donghyuck stops in his tracks in front of them once they reach a weird looking place. Its walls were painted all black, even the glass door was tainted in that same colour. “We’re here.” He announces and the boys gather around him. “Everyone ready to shoot some bitches?”

They cheer, but Jeno just grows more confused. “Are we going to kill dogs on my birthday?” He jokes and everyone groans, he swears he heard Jaemin whisper ‘When will the dad jokes end?’ from behind him. “Whose idea was this?”

“Your boyfriend’s actually, just shut up and go inside.” Donghyuck pushes the blonde towards the door.

Jeno shoots Renjun a confused look before he opens the door, inside everything is dark apart from some neon decorations. “It's laser tag.” Mark explains once Jeno’s frown doesn't go away.

“Ohh!” The boy smiles brightly and turns to Renjun. “You remembered?”

Renjun shrugs, Jeno had once mentioned during one of Jaemin’s old hangouts something about how he wished to go to laser tag place since he was a kid. “Happy birthday, hope you liked the surprise.”

“This one I sure did.” The blonde clasps his hands together and looks around with a glint of excitement in his eyes. “Thank you.”

There was an arcade looking area on the far right of the building, most of them had decided to go there and waste the rest of the money they had left inside their pockets on games. Donghyuck would’ve probably done the same if it wasn’t for Mark holding him back.

They’re told to wait until the people that had come before them finish their games, some keep on wasting money, others look at the big projection on the wall of the cameras inside the game area and make fun of the people playing, and then the rest decide to sit down and do nothing.

Jeno had pushed Renjun closer to him and almost begged for the older to sit on his lap, Renjun refused and whined about how there were too many people looking at them. The blonde didn’t look too happy but kept his mouth shut and didn’t complain when his boyfriend decided to sit on the chair next to his and not on his lap.

Next to them Donghyuck was massaging Mark’s nape with a soft smile on his face while the other stared at the floor with unfocused eyes. Jeno snorts and smacks Marks shoulder, the boy squeaks and glares at him. “What was that for?!”

“You look dead, it’s my birthday you can’t do that.” Jeno pokes his tongue out and grabs Renjun’s hand. “How long did they say the wait would be?”

“Like fifteen minutes or so, and they said we gotta play against someone else because we are too little.” Mark sighs and rubs the spot on his shoulder that Jeno had hit. “Which is shit because I don’t really feel like playing agaisnt some random strangers.”

“I know right? I was so ready to beat Jaemin’s ass.” Donghyuck shrugs. “Guess I gotta do it sometime else.”

Everyone chuckles and goes back to being silent, it doesn’t take long until Mark dozes off once more. Donghyuck watches the boy with a mix of fondness and mischief, Jeno was sure he was holding himself back from doing something to annoy Mark.

The blonde looks to his other side and finds Renjun dozing off as well, the older had his eyes semi open as he starred at the TV displaying the game. Jeno moves his thumbs soothingly over the skin of Renjun’s hand and observes as the other relaxes even further. Right before Renjun closes his eyes, Jeno places a kiss on his cheek and giggles loudly when the boy gasps and jumps out of his seat, his butt landing harshly on the floor. “LEE JENO!” He shouts and grabs the blonde’s neck but doesn’t put any pressure on it. “I will murder you.”

“Wow kinky.” Donghyuck whispers and Renjun moves his attention away from Jeno to shoot the boy a death glare, Jeno uses the opportunity to grab the boy’s wrists and push him closer.

“That’s what you get for not sitting on my lap.” Jeno smirks, Renjun’s cheeks turn into a shade of pink that luckily could barely be seen because of how dark the building was.

“I hate you.” He mumbles and sits next to Jeno once more. “And your lap obsession.”

“Oh c’mon I only asked for it twice.” Jeno protests, a pout forms on his lips.

“Five, actually.” Renjun rolls his eyes and pushes the blonde away once the tries to give him a kiss in apology. “Keep it.”

Jeno doesn’t get to reply because a group of boys make their way inside loudly snatching everyone’s attention away from whatever they were doing previously. Even Mark wakes up and observes them curiously.

They gather around while two of them buy the tickets, Jeno’s body goes rigid when he notices one of the boy's constant stare in Renjun’s direction. “Yo what the heck does that one want.” He growls and Mark shrugs. “Renjun.”

The boy raises his head and looks at his boyfriend with puppy eyes. “What’d I do now? Let me sleep.” He whines.

The blonde snorts and grabs both his cheeks. “You’re so cute, use my shoulder.” He points at his shoulder and smiles brightly, Renjun blinks a few times and shoots Donghyuck a confused look to which his friend shrugs. Jeno relaxes his shoulders once he feels Renjun place his head on them and snakes his arm around the boy’s body, placing his hand on Renjun’s waist.

“Slow down mister jealous.” Donghyuck snorts, Jeno flips him off and presses his index finger against his lips asking for the boy to shut up. “Whatever.”

Suddenly a door slams open and big group of people come out of it, the room just gets even noisier. “Get up guys it’s our turn!” Mark shouts over the mess of noises, the three of them lazily stand up as Mark goes around informing their teammates that they should get ready.

Jeno doesn’t take his hand off Renjun’s waist and the other doesn’t complain, however the moment they pass through the group of boys and he notices that the same boy was still staring, Jeno grabs his boyfriend’s waist harsher and pulls him even closer. This time Renjun does object and slaps Jeno’s hand away. “What are you doing?”

“Sorry, I didn’t notice. Did I hurt you?” Jeno frowns and massages the place where his hand had once been.

“I’m fine, it’s fine. It just hurt a bit.” Renjun shakes his head and starts walking away to get his equipment leaving Jeno frozen in his spot just a few meters away from the other group of boys. He looks back at them, his eyes instantly lock with the infamous boy and he growls. The boy smirks back at him, seemingly amused with the whole scene.

He’s the last one to put on his vest and grab the fake gun from his group, everyone else was already ready to enter the pitch black room. It isn’t until the group of strangers gets ready as well that the guard finally moves away from the entrance, Jeno stays behind Renjun but doesn’t dare touch the boy since he could sense his boyfriend was still annoyed with him.

Donghyuck and Jaemin starts yelling the moment they step inside, spewing nonsense left and right as they wander around the place. Mark doesn’t even bother following his boyfriend and finds a good safe spot where he could shoot people without being seen, Jeno continues following Renjun who is busy memorizing the different hiding spots. “Are you going to follow me the whole time?” He finally says, turning around to face Jeno.

“I- uh- if you don’t want me to.” He scratches the back of his head. “Sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry.” Renjun sighs. “Let’s go I can hear their ogre chants already.”

Both boys run through the different shaped hiding places, at some point Renjun crouches down and Jeno copies him. “What are you thinking of doing?”

“Get closest to their base as we possibly can so we can shoot it, that adds extra points.” His boyfriend holds his gun close to his chest and looks around for possible enemies. “Try to not get shot too, but that’s a taken.”

Jeno nods and peaks his head out of the hiding place, he could see the red lights from one of their enemies far ahead. He grabs his gun and points in its direction, the gun emits a shooting noise and then someone lets out a frustrated groan in the distance. “I love this already.” Jeno giggles and does a curt victory dance with his arms. “Where is their base?”

“There’s a little house on the far left corner from us. But I don’t know how to get there without getting shot.” Renjun pouts. “I’m trusting Donghyuck to be reckless and go all in trying to kill them.”

The game goes on for quite some time, but they don’t move from their place. Jeno could hear Donghyuck’s high pitched yells from time to time, cursing whoever had shot him before running after them like a maniac. Jaemin wasn’t any better, Jeno wished he could film the boy cursing and show it to Jaemin’s mom (who miraculously still saw her kid as an innocent soul). “Fuck it, I’m going.” Jeno announces and stands up, Renjun looks up at him with his lips parted. “I’m bored, c’mon Junnie.”

“Not yet, I’ll meet you there.” The boy smiles and waves Jeno goodbye. “Kill them all.”

“I shall.” Jeno chuckles and makes his way onto open field, he couldn’t see any red lights which was odd but maybe the enemy team had decided to attack his team’s base. He was wrong, suddenly a bunch of red dots show up all around him and he yelps. “Shit.”

He gets shot about seven times until he finds another hiding spot somewhat nearer to the other team’s base. Jeno groans and curses everyone under his breath, _why were they so good at the game?_

Jeno was so concentrated on planning his tactic that he doesn’t notice the mess going on just behind his hiding place until he hears Renjun’s scream, the boy snaps out of it faster than the speed of light and grabs his gun. He stands up and finally sees what was going on, there were at least ten boys fighting with each other right in front of him, he could see Donghyuck grabbing someone by the hair and Mark begging for him to stop.

He tries to find Renjun but it was too dark and there were too many people so he walks closer and joins in, someone kicks him in the ribs with his shoulder making him cry out in pain. “Isn’t this supposed to be a nonviolent game?!” Mark whines and Jeno can’t help but agree inside his head, his ribs were aching and he still couldn’t find Renjun.

“Jeno.” He hears from behind him and instantly smiles once he turns around and finds Renjun looking up at him. “Jeno.” The boy repeats.

Jeno is about to ask what was wrong and why Renjun looked scared but then he looks down and even with the reduced amount of lightening inside the room he could see the intruder’s hand sitting on top of Renjun’s ass. “What-“ He furrows his eyebrows and looks back up to see who the person was. “the fuck.”

The same guy stares back at him with an even bigger smirk on his face now, he cocks one of his eyebrows up and that’s all it takes for Jeno to jump on top of him and knock him down. “Jeno wait-“ Renjun shouts but he had already muted the world around him.

He stares at the boy under him and raises his fist up high. “What do you think you’re doing? That’s harassment.”

“Oh, my bad.” He shrugs. “Are you going to call the cops on me then?”

“No, you’ll get something better.” Jeno growls and swings his fist right on the boy’s left cheek. “Don’t touch people like that, even less _my_ boyfriend.”

One by one, everyone stops doing what they were doing before and focus their attention on the blonde that kept beating the boy. Mark is the first one to rush towards Jeno and try to stop him from punching the stranger one more time, Jeno is stronger though and pushes Mark away.

“Jeno, Jeno it’s okay stop it.” Renjun begs. “Jeno listen to me, I’m okay, he didn’t hurt me. He already gave in please stop.”

Jeno lets his arms hang on the sides of his body and finally stands up. He stares down at the mess he had made and cringes, it wasn’t too bad but there was a tiny bit of blood running down the boy’s nose. He doesn’t say anything and walks towards the exit, he knew what he had done wasn’t considered okay and he should be scared of himself but mostly he feels scared Renjun would see him in a different light.

 

“Good job idiot, now we are all banned from entering that place.” Donghyuck mutters as they walk back towards the town’s centre.

“Sorry.” Jeno whispers, his shoulder sag down even more.

Jeno knows Renjun isn’t happy, he can see it in his eyes and the boy had barely spoken since the fight had happened. He hates that he had ruined his own birthday, hates how impulsive and possessive he could be especially when it came to Renjun.

They slow down by a bus stop, Jeno says goodbye to whoever wasn’t taking a bus home and thanks them for the party. It’s then that he notices that Renjun hadn’t left and was quietly leaning on a streetlamp staring at the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

He takes small steps towards the boy and clears his throat once he gets close enough. “Renjun, I’m really sorry-“

“Stop.” Renjun interrupts. “I’m just shocked, I didn’t deem you capable of that.”

“I know, I never knew either."

“Do you have anger issues? Is that it?” The boy finally looks up and Jeno’s suddenly feels as if he can’t breathe.

“I don’t think so? I never thought it was that serious.”

“You blanked out, Jeno. It was like you switched off your emotions.” Renjun whispers.

Jeno rubs the sides of his head with his index fingers and shakes his head weakly. “I know…” Everything goes quiet apart from the cheerful chatter coming from behind Jeno. “I don’t want you to be scared of me.”

“I know you don’t.” He smiles weakly. “I still feel safe around you, it hasn’t changed.”

The blonde lets out a sigh of relief and pulls Renjun closer; hugging him tightly. “Thank you.” He whispers right next to Renjun’s ear.

They stay that way for what seemed like hours until Renjun decides it’s getting too late for him to be outside, he says goodbye to the remaining boys and lastly Jeno. “Sleep well.”

Jeno bites back the urge to answer with ‘I’d sleep better next to you.’ and instead kisses the boy’s forehead lovingly. Renjun gives him a tiny smile before he turns around and disappears in the dark streets.

 

 

 

“Lee Jeno why is there nine eggs inside this bowl?! I said eight!” Renjun shouts almost making Jeno drop the egg box he was holding to the floor. “This is literally the first step, oh my god.”

“I spaced out, I’m sorry Injunnie.” Jeno pouts and puts the box on top of the white table, he comes near his boyfriend and engulfs him with a back hug. “It’s not too bad, is it?”

Renjun makes a noise in the back of his throat and pours the sugar he had carefully measured inside the bowl. “I’ll let it pass because you’re cute.” He mumbles while looking for the mixer, Jeno giggles and kisses the back of the older’s head. “Go measure the flour, if you mess that up as well I will kick you out of this kitchen and cook your mother’s cake myself.”

Jeno reluctantly lets go of Renjun and focuses on the task his boyfriend had allocated him. He had asked the boy for help to cook his mother’s birthday cake after he found out about Renjun’s amazing baking skills, what he wasn’t expecting was for his boyfriend to turn into a grumpy grandma as soon as they took the ingredients out of the shelves.

Once he finishes, Jeno pokes Renjun’s shoulder lightly and asks what he should do next. The boy groans and points at the butter. “Melt that, and then melt chocolate as well.”

That too doesn’t take very long either and Jeno quickly finishes all the tasks Renjun trusted him with. He sits on the counter right next to his boyfriend and stares as the boy moves the mixer around the bowl. “Creep.” Renjun grins and pinches Jeno’s thigh.

“You’re too pretty to not stare.” Jeno says knowing that Renjun was going to blush because of it.

“Shut up.”

Jeno observes every move the older makes, taking in every detail of his face as well as trying to retain the information of how he was supposed to bake a cake. He was sure he’d forget everything the moment Renjun left his house later in the evening but at least he could say he tried to learn.

“Done!” Renjun exclaims. “And now we wait.”

The older grabs the washcloth and starts cleaning the parts of the kitchen they had dirtied, Jeno jumps onto the floor and helps Renjun by putting the dirty utensils inside the washing machine.

When they’re finally finished, Jeno grabs Renjun’s arm softly and moves them to the living room. The house was empty, his parents had gone out for a walk early morning and Jeno couldn’t be happier. It wasn’t like his parents would bother him whenever Renjun would come over, but it still felt freeing.

He sits down on the couch and pulls Renjun on top of him, the other lets out a high-pitched gasp followed by a loud yell. “Lee Jeno!”

“You sure seem to love yelling my name.”

Renjun’s eyes go wide open and he slaps Jeno’s chests repeatedly, his face had gotten redder than a tomato. “You’re so nasty!”

“What?! I didn’t even mean it like that, you’re the nasty one here!” Jeno protests and grabs his boyfriend’s wrists so he'd stop hitting him.

“Sure you didn’t.” Renjun rolls his eyes.

The blonde smiles brightly and places a kiss on the boy’s nose. “You’re too cute when you’re all flustered.” He coos, Renjun threatens to choke him and moves out of Jeno’s lap. “Come back.” Jeno whines and pulls the boy closer once more.

“Let’s just lay down for a while.”

“If the cake burns it’s your fault.” Jeno mumbles.

“Who is your mom going to believe burnt the cake, you or me?” He asks with a knowing smirk on his face, the blonde groans and lays down next to Renjun. “Exactly, now cuddle me and shut up.”

 

 

 

Renjun was sitting cross-legged on the floor of his room with his History notebook wide open in his lap when his phone starts ringing loudly. He gets up to grab is from the top of his desk, it’s Chenle. “Heyyy.” He says happily but the soft sob that comes from the other side makes his smile turn upside down. “Lele?!”

“Renjun.” His friend sighs. “Jisung-“

“What did he do now?!”

There is a curt pause, Chenle was probably trying to find the courage to speak. “He- He kept like, speaking of this girl he finds pretty in his class. He seems really into her, and like y’know i-“

“Oh my god I’m going to kill him.” Renjun growls. “Why is he suddenly speaking of crushes to you?! He never did this before.”

“I don’t know.” Chenle sobs once again and Renjun clenches his fits without even noticing. “Maybe we got it all wrong, maybe he doesn’t actually like me.”

“No, shut up. I can see it in his eyes, he looks at you like you’re the world. He’s such a rude asshole to everyone else but he’s so soft when it comes to you.”

“Maybe it’s friendly?”

“No, it’s not!” Renjun tries to not flip, not when Chenle was so sensitive. “Look, you need to talk to him before I punch him square in the face. Seriously if this keeps on going till the next competition comes around, I will do it.”

“Renjun don’t-“

“I’m sorry, Lele, but I would do it anyways.”

There is more crying on the other side of the line, Renjun lets his friend cry as much as he wishes. He hears his rambling with patience, and even joins in whenever Chenle would curse the boy, throwing a few insults here and there. Once Chenle finally calms down, he dares speak up again. “Wanna play?”

“Okay, yeah, I’ll turn on my computer.”

Renjun smiles, he hoped with all his strength that playing some random video game would get Chenle’s mind off the whole Jisung has a crush topic. He was pissed off but still tried his best to sound cheerful and crack jokes here and there, Chenle’s high-pitched laughter sure made it all worth it in the end.

The sun had already set when Chenle finally announces that he’s too tired to play, Renjun had been tired for hours but kept on playing anyways so he quite happily shuts his computer off and throws himself onto his bed. “Thank you Junnie.” The younger says after a few minutes of pure silence.

Renjun smiles brightly. “It’s nothing. But you need to stop being such a softie.”

“Mhm, sure.” Chenle snorts and Renjun wishes he could punch him through the phone. “Good night.”

“Night night.”

 

 

 

Renjun loves kids, loves their adorable chubby cheeks and tiny hands. What he doesn’t love is their loud crying that could possibly make him deaf in a matter of seconds. He also doesn’t love Jaemin, not anymore, not after the boy had made him waste his Sunday morning organizing his little sister’s birthday party. Renjun thinks he might come home with about half percent hearing loss, he can’t imagine how Jaemin’s parents could possibly deal with children every single day of their lives.

There was a little girl, perhaps three years old, clinging to his leg as he gets the face painting supplies ready. He had tried his very best to make her let go, but she refuses saying that Renjun’s leg was comfy (Jeno had agreed from the other side of the room and Renjun was surprised he had managed to hear from such a long distance after so many hours of hearing babies crying).

Jaemin still managed to keep a smile glued on his face at all times, which was something Renjun had given up on doing after the first hour. _How was he supposed to smile when his head hurt due to all the noise?_ But then again, Jaemin was probably used to it because of his little sister. Still, though, he found it quite impressive.

The boy was trying to entertain the kids before the actual party started and everyone got there by playing random games, it was thankfully working. The amount of times Jeno had almost fallen from his ladder due to the little kids playing with it were enough for Jaemin to step up and sacrifice himself so his friend wouldn’t need to go to the hospital. “I swear Jaemin if today is the day I die, I will haunt you so badly you’ll wish to die sooner.” Jeno had said when he had almost fallen for the fifth time.

“Everything’s ready?” Jaemin asks midgame, Renjun gives him a thumbs up and the boy looks over to Jeno.

“I think so, do the balloon look okay?”

“It looks perfect thank you.” Jaemin smiles brightly. “Now you’re free to eat as much as you want to as a payback.”

Jeno steps out of the ladder and rubs the palms of his hands together with a devilish smirk on his face. “You are _so_ going to regret saying that.”

 

The three boys watch as the kids play fight on the cold floor of Jaemin’s living room with fondness, Renjun still hates them for ruining his earing but his soft spot for kids was too strong. “Care to explain why Mark and Donghyuck aren’t here?” The oldest says, his voice muffled by the piece of cake inside his mouth.

“Don’t know, Donghyuck just said they were busy and I sure as heck don’t wanna ask for details.” Jaemin and Jeno snicker but Renjun says mute and shoots them a confused look. “A couple alone inside a house Renjun, connect the dots.”

“Oh.” He cringes and shakes his head slightly. “No thanks.”

“Exactly.” Jaemin chuckles.

The food was almost gone, Jeno had kept his promise of devouring everything laying on top of the table. By the time the kids start nagging Renjun to paint their faces there is nothing left to eat so the boy doesn’t bother refusing, he didn’t have anything better to do anyways plus he’d get to put his drawing skills in action.

Renjun was surprised by the amount of kids wanting him to draw a butterfly on their face, when he was younger all his friends would ask to be a tiger or something easy like a panda. “If you all want a butterfly face paint I might not have enough for everyone.” He mumbles and some of the kids pout. “But I’ll try my best.”

The young devils wouldn’t stop moving which made the whole process harder and longer, Renjun tried his best to not ruin the drawings so he wouldn’t have to restart and waste paint but some of the kids were really testing his patience. At some point he had to make Jaemin grab a little boy’s face to stop him from moving too much, the kid didn’t like it one bit but Renjun was too annoyed to feel bad.

“My wrist hurts.” Renjun complains, the remaining children start to protest but he cuts them off. “I wasn’t saying I was giving up! Brats.”

It takes him far too long to finish everyone, but the satisfaction of seeing the kids mesmerized by his art made up for the cramps on his fingers and wrist. He was already packing his things up when someone sits on the chair parallel to him. “You got one last client.” Jeno grins.

“You’re joking.” The older groans. “What does baby Jeno want?”

Jeno’s eyes go wide open and his face freezes for a second or two before he goes back to grinning. “Baby Jeno? I like the sound of that.”

“Shut up and tell me what you want.” Renjun rolls his eyes and tries to contain a smile.

“Surprise me.”

Renjun glares at his boyfriend and lets out a loud sigh, part of him wanted to pull a Donghyuck and draw a big penis on the blonde’s face. But he wasn’t Donghyuck so he grabs Jeno’s hand instead, he could feel the other’s gaze on him as he took out his brush and dipped it in green paint. “I barely got any paint left, so it’s going to be shitty.”

“Your golden hands aren’t capable of shitty things.” The boy whispers, Renjun glares at him once more and shakes his head slightly.

“You stink like cheese.”

“If I remember correctly, you said I smelled good just a few hours ago.” Jeno smirks and quirks once of his eyebrows up.

Renjun stabs his nails onto the soft skin of Jeno’s hand. “Yeah well, now you stink. Hush.”

Jeno hisses but thankfully shuts up and watches as Renjun moves the brush on the back of his hand, he had no clue what his boyfriend was doing since his attention was on Renjun’s focused expression. His brows were slightly furrowed and his tongue threated to poke out at any second, the sight was oddly adorable and Jeno couldn’t get enough of it.

“Done, but it's ugly.” Renjun pouts and places a quick kiss over what he had just drawn making sure that it was dry beforehand.

It was simple, but Jeno liked it. Written in green paint was his name followed by a heart and Renjun’s name underneath, all around it was a series of random patterns painted in different colours finished off with a tad of glitter. “It’s pretty, like you.”

Renjun doesn’t even bother fighting back the blush that rises to his cheeks and smiles brightly. “Glad you like it, I still think it sucks.”

“Well, it’s my hand and I like it.” Jeno moves forwards and places a kiss on Renjun’s lips, the older smiles just before Jeno pulls away and goes back to inspecting his hand. “How do I pay back for the masterpiece?”

The older snorts as he drags his chair closer to Jeno’s. “Kisses, lots of them.”

He laughs and cups the side of his boyfriend’s face with his hand, gently caressing it with his thumb a few times before nodding. “Sounds more than good to me.”

 

 

 

Jeno moves a strand of hair that had fallen in front of Renjun’s face and smiles at the older, it had become usual for Renjun to come over to his place during the weekends. He pushes his boyfriend closer and nuzzles his face on his neck leaving a little trail of kisses up towards the shell of Renjun’s ear, the other lets out a loud sigh and quivers. “Soft spot, I see?” Jeno smirks and leaves one last kiss near Renjun’s earlobe before facing him.

“Shut up.” Renjun’s cheeks are bright red and he hides his face with his hands.

“I’ll keep it in mind. Y’know, for future references.” The younger teases as he tries to make Renjun take his hands away from his face.

“Jeno!” He shrieks and hits him on the shoulder. “Don’t say things like that.”

He shrugs and kisses the top of Renjun’s nose. “You’re so cute.”

Renjun is about to protest but his phone starts buzzing repeatedly, both boys groan and Jeno begs for the older to ignore it and stay in bed with him but Renjun manages to push him away and grab his phone. Chenle had left him a total of five messages which was odd, Chenle rarely texted him, whenever he needed anything he’d simply call.

He opens the messages.

**_‘Junnie?’_ **

**_‘Are you there?’_ **

**_‘Are you with Jeno?’_ **

**_‘If you are don’t answer’_ **

**_‘But I need to talk’_ **

“Weird.” He mumbles and Jeno sits up. “It’s Chenle.”

“Okay? And?” Jeno rubs his eyes with an unamused look on his face. “Is he in trouble or something?”

“He says he needs to talk about something.” Renjun sits next to Jeno on the bed. “Ima call him.”

Jeno groans loudly but doesn’t voice how annoyed he felt by the little disruption, he knows Renjun would put Chenle above anything and anyone which meant there was no point in complaining. He crawls behind his boyfriend and places his chin on Renjun’s shoulder.

Renjun waits for quite some time until Chenle finally picks up. “Hey Chenle, what’s up?”

“Junnie.” Chenle whispers and Renjun can already sense something is off. “Jisung-“

“AGAIN?!” The older yells and punches the mattress, Jeno’s eyes go wide in shock and he places his arms around Renjun’s waist to keep him calm. “What did he do? I’m going to murder him one day Chenle I swear.”

Chenle sighs. “He keeps bringing her to our little hangouts, like I just want to eat my lunch in peace! Why does he have to be all up on her when I’m just trying to ignore the fact that they’re… together?”

“Wait, he’s not even dating her?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t exactly ask y’know.” Chenle lets out a bitter laugh.

“If they were, he would’ve told you.” Renjun says and, once his friend takes his time to answer, speaks once more. “You didn’t consider that, have you? Haven’t considered Jisung doesn’t actually care for her.”

Jeno looks at Renjun with a mix of fondness and confusion, but Renjun pays no importance to whatever his boyfriend was up to. Not when Chenle starts sobbing on the other line, Renjun was tired of this happening over and over again. “How can I not think he likes her when he treats her like they’re dating?! I just hope he doesn’t kiss her in front of me or else I won’t keep my posture. She’s so nice to me but I might flip, and I don’t want that.” The boy calms down slightly. “Are you with Jeno?”

Renjun wants to lie and say no so that Chenle doesn’t feel guilty, but he doesn’t have it in him to do so. “Yes, he’s with me.” He says and looks over to the blonde.

“Hey Chenle.” Jeno greets. “Don’t worry I can’t hear what you’re saying to Renjun.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Renjun. I didn’t want to ruin the mood, you shouldn’t have called me.”

“Firstly, bros before hoes.” Renjun snorts once Jeno slaps him softly on the arm and shoots him an offended look. “Secondly, I knew something was wrong and I couldn’t just ignore it. Third, and most importantly, when are you going to do something about all this? Are you just going to let Jisung hurt you over and over again?”

“What can I do Renjun?! He’s my best friend, it’s not his fault I fell for him. I love him too much to let him go because I have feelings for him.”

“I don’t care! Tell him you don’t want to see them being gross with her in front of you or something!” The older rubs his face with his free hand and groans. Jeno unlatches one of his arms from his hold on Renjun’s waist and places his hand on his boyfriend’s hair trying to relax Renjun by massaging his scalp. “I’ve had enough, and don’t get me wrong I don’t mind you constantly crying to me about it. That’s not it at all, I’m just tired of seeing you get hurt. This is ridiculous and you know it.”

“Just don’t do anything out of spite Renjun.” Chenle begs.

Renjun rolls his eyes. “I can’t promise you that, not if he keeps going with this.” Chenle doesn’t sound too happy with his answer but Renjun couldn’t care less.

His friend says sorry one more time before he hangs up, Renjun feels bad for not being able to talk to Chenle longer since he knew that the other was far from calm but he also knew Chenle felt bad for ‘ruining’ his time with Jeno and wouldn’t want him to keep going.

He lays down next to Jeno after putting his phone back where it was previously, the younger caresses Renjun cheeks with his hand lovingly. “If you want help kick that boy’s ass, just hit me up.”

Renjun laughs and places a little peck on his lips. “Such a supportive boyfriend.”

Jeno smiles brightly. “For you, always.”

 

 

 

His coach was going to kill him, it was going to be the third time during that semester that Renjun was late to practice. He slams the door of the changing room open, which was seemingly empty, and starts undressing as quickly as possible.

Renjun was just about to put his bag inside his locker when he heard two people talking from inside one of the private cubicles, they had been there the whole time (or so he assumed) but he had been too stressed to even notice their chatter before. However now that the stress had dissipated, he could heard them loud and clear.

“I just find it stupid, y’know.” It’s Jihoon, one of Jeno’s friends. “You’re Lee Jeno and yet you’re dating him, out of all people?”

Renjun’s legs start to shake so he sits down with his bag pressed tightly against his chest. “Yeah dude, you guys don’t even kiss in public. You’re eighteen but y’all are dating like pre-teens.” Another voice fills the room, he can recognize it as Woojin, another friend of Jeno’s.

“Not even, I’ve seen thirteen year olds do better.” Jihoon adds.

There is only silence and it suffocated Renjun to no end. The boy forces himself to breathe in and out, to calm down so he wouldn’t have panic attack just before practice. _But why isn’t Jeno fighting back? Why is he being so silent?_

“She confessed to you like just two weeks before y’all started dating.” Woojin mumbles. “And we all know she’d treat you right, I’ve heard many good things about her… dating skills.” He clicks his tongue and both boys chuckle.

Renjun can feel his head spinning, he knows what that means and the possibility of Jeno being bored or wanting more from him was making him nauseous. Jeno never seemed to want more, he seemed fine with simple kisses and hand holding, and even if he seemed sad about Renjun not wanting to be too public about their relationship it never seemed to be that deep. But Jeno wasn’t answering, his silence made Renjun think too much and that was never good.

He gets up and manages to walk towards his locker even with wobbly legs, the conversation seems to die down or maybe Renjun had automatically shut down the world around him. He couldn’t tell, and it didn’t matter, all that mattered was leaving that room as soon as possible before he passed out from being so overwhelmed.

The coach opens his mouth as soon as he sees him but closes it right away, the usual angry scowl being instantly replaced by a confused frown. “Renjun, are you feeling alright?” He asks, Renjun shakes his head weakly but before he could answer properly the coach is already yelling at someone else for being late. He can’t hear it, he can’t even look up. He knows Jeno is there alongside his friends, and Renjun can’t deal with that just yet. “I’m sorry, what were you going to say?”

“Could I maybe go home? I don’t feel well, I’m really sorry.” Renjun whispers and the coach pats his head.

“Sure, son. It’s no use doing sports like that. Get better soon, yeah?”

“Yeah, I will.” _I hope will_.

He runs back to the same room he had just escaped from, there was no one inside, there was no chatter, no nothing. Just the buzzing of the electricity from the light above him. Renjun wouldn’t have noticed if there was someone else there anyways, his vision was blurry and all he could hear was a loud constant beeping inside his ears.

Renjun feels weak, and he knows he is. Knows that small things hurt him more than they should, that he was overreacting everything. He couldn’t help it, though, just the mere thought of Jeno secretly keeping his true opinions to himself and not being honest stabbed his heart. They hadn’t been dating for a long time, however Renjun assumed that Jeno enjoyed the pace they were taking. _Maybe I should stop assuming._

The spring’s breeze calms him down slightly, it wasn’t too cold nor too warm. He runs down the street, his lungs were burning and legs aching but Renjun doesn’t stop until he reaches his front door. With shaky hands, Renjun manages to quietly open the front door and make his way in.

Doyoung wasn’t home just yet, but Renjun could hear his mother sing from somewhere in the house so he tiptoes his way to his room. As soon as the door clicks closed, Renjun lets out a sob he didn’t know was holding and jumps onto the mattress. “Idiot.” He mumbles and punches his pillow.

He falls asleep with tears streaming down his face and body curled into a small ball, nobody wakes him up till next morning.

 

 

 

Renjun feels dead, and he was sure he looked like crap. Jaemin had given him a worried look the moment he had seen his friend in the morning but didn’t press him to speak about it, he knew Renjun and how he hated to be forced to spill his problems out. It was just a matter of time before his friend would burst, so he waited patiently.

They were doing gymnastics when Renjun finally speaks up, their teacher had given them some strange exercises that could possibly be called cheerleading. Renjun wasn't sure if sitting on someone’s back and trying to balance was what cheerleading was all about, but it didn’t really matter. “Jaemin, did Jeno complain about anything lately?”

Jaemin frowns and flops down consequently making Renjun fall on top of him, the younger cries out in pain even after Renjun crawls away from him. “Latest addition to his complaint list was a Chemistry test that he didn’t pass, but I doubt that’s what you’re going on about.”

“Yeah, no, that’s not it.” Renjun lays down on the mattress, not caring if it reeked like feet. “I heard his friends talk to him yesterday.” Jaemin hums and comes closer. “Is he- Like- Is he unsatisfied?”

“I can’t know that.” His friend sighs and moves Renjun’s hair away from his forehead. “But he really likes you, I can see the heart eyes every time you’re together. It’s quite gross.”

Renjun chuckles but it soon dies out and the boy goes back to sulking. “I feel like I’m not good enough for him. But you’ve always told me to not change for someone, even you like them a lot.”

“Best advice I can possibly give you, it remains true.” Jaemin twirls Renjun’s now grey looking hair with his index finger. “I get that Jeno lives in a different world from yours but he’s still a big softie, y’know? Don’t worry, if he wanted sex he would’ve given up on you a long time ago. He knows what he signed up for, Junnie.”

“I guess.” The older sighs and flicks his eyes in Jaemin’s direction.

“Don’t hate yourself over a boy, I love Jeno but not even he is worthy of that. Okay?”

Renjun nods and a smile finally spreads across his lips. “Okay.”

 

 

 

The sun was burning his sweaty nape, there were droplets of sweat running down his face and, even if Renjun wiped them away, they’d come back just a few minutes later. He groans hating how far Jeno’s school was from the centre of their town and that it was right on top of a hill right next to a forest, _who thought that would be a good placement?_

He looks at the top of the seemingly never-ending stairs and cries out in pain, his legs were aching which was unusual due to his daily dosage of sport. Renjun turns his phone on, he had about ten minutes till Jeno’s class ended which didn’t leave him with much time to go up the rest of the stairs.

Jogging never felt so bad, he was sweating in places he deemed impossible and the sunrays were still hitting his sensitive skin. He manages to get there on time, just as the loud ringing of the bells sounds and a crowd of students flood the area.

Renjun fans himself with his hand and wipes away the sweat once more, he feels ugly and greasy but there was no turning back now because he spots Jeno in the middle of the teenagers and his boyfriend smiles brightly once he notices him. However he wasn’t alone, there were two guys he recognized from his swimming team and a girl by their side. Renjun’s stomach twists.

“Hi.” Jeno’s eyesmile should’ve made the stupid feeling inside his stomach dissipate, but it doesn’t. His boyfriend bends down slightly obviously asking for a kiss but Renjun smoothly turns his head to the side and kisses his cheek instead, if the blonde tried to mask his disappoint he did a terrible job at it because Renjun notices how his smile drops right away. “Hum, so, you already know Woojin and Jihoon. This is Eunji, my friend as well.”

He looks at them for quite some time and then his gaze falls on the girl, she’s smiling but Renjun senses something behind it. “Hey, Renjun.” He smiles nevertheless and she nods. “Are they joining us?” Renjun quietly asks right next to Jeno’s ear.

“Sorry, I couldn’t make them go away.” Jeno sounds genuinely sad but Renjun can’t focus on anything apart from the way the girl is looking at is boyfriend, he wants to puke. “Hope you don’t mind.”

“It’s okay.” _A little lie never hurt nobody, right?_ And there was nothing he could do about it, he could have a nice walk in the woods with Jeno another time. The problem here was how awkward the atmosphere felt, Renjun had forgotten how feeling out of place felt like.

The two boys starts walking in front of them however the girl tags along next to Jeno, Renjun can’t help but notice how Jeno didn’t hold his hand like he usually did whenever they’d walk alongside each other. He guesses that’s his fault for denying the kiss and that doesn’t help the ugly feeling growing inside him, he didn’t know why he had done that.

Jeno is too busy speaking with Eunji who quite obviously shoots him heart eyes at any chance she gets, Renjun thinks back to the talk Jihoon and Woojin had with his boyfriend in the changing rooms about a certain girl and it clicks. He almost stops in his tracks and vomits, but manages to keep his posture. They don’t stop talking, not even when Jihoon yells for them to speed up and Jeno starts running. She follows right behind laughing, Renjun isn’t quite sure at what because he had tuned out their conversation.

It was his fault Jeno wasn’t speaking to him, he was being boring, he wasn’t talking, all he was doing was following behind with the look of a lost puppy. Renjun hates the feeling taking control of his whole body, he hates how jealous he feels because that wasn’t something he had ever felt before. Everything was so new, having a boyfriend was so new and the things that came with it, even if mostly nice for the most part, they still scared him. It scared him to show affection in front of strangers, and Renjun knows Jeno had noticed but he hadn’t said anything.

Renjun looks at the blonde with a mix of sadness and fondness, dating Jeno was nice he felt safe, but right now he wanted the ground to open so he could be engulfed and disappear. He feels boring, and if the things his friends had said were really true, then Eunji was simply better for Jeno than Renjun was.

He tries to get rid of those thoughts because they sounded dumb, but the more he looks at Eunji the prettier she’s get and he can’t help but notice how sweaty and dishevelled he looked.

Jeno hasn’t looked in his direction for what seemed like hours and, with each passing second, Renjun grows more and more anxious. _Would it be bad if he ran away without a word?_ He knows Jeno would be pissed off, but his legs kept getting weaker so he knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep his posture for much longer.

“Is he okay?” Renjun hears faintly and looks up, Eunji was staring at him with a look that Renjun reads as disgust. Jeno furrows his eyebrows and stops walking.

“You’re pale, are you okay?” The blonde’s eyebrows knit together as he places the back of his hand on Renjun’s forehead. “You don’t have fever. Renjun are you even listening.”

“I am.” He clears his throat. “Just tired and lightheaded, I’m sorry.”

Jeno grabs a bottle of water from inside his bag and hands it to him, but there was no smile on his face like usual. Renjun thinks he might puke on top of his boyfriend from how bad he felt, but he manages to give him a soft smile before gulping the water down. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Renjun doesn’t hand the empty bottle back rather keeps it in his hand, at least it gave him something to play with for when Jeno went back to talking with Eunji. Some distraction, at last.

“This was supposed to be just us,” Jeno sighs. “I know you hate this.”

“It’s okay.” He lies once more and starts walking. “You’re having fun.”

Jeno looks at him with disbelief but Renjun can’t see it because he was already a few meters away walking by himself, the blonde looks at Eunji who shrugs and smiles brightly at him. “Let’s go.” She says and grabs his wrist.

 

The sun wasn’t up in the sky anymore when they finally stop walking, the forest was long gone and they had descended back into the city. Woojin had offered for them to go to a bar, everyone agreed except Renjun who stayed silent and simply tagged along. He didn’t want to go, but it wasn’t like the rest would care.

He hates how Jeno swallows down the beer that Eunji had handed him in just a few seconds, he had forgotten all about this version of Jeno. Quite frankly, he had foolishly thought that Jeno had died a long time ago. Apparently not.

Jihoon almost forces Renjun to drink, the look of annoyance on his face makes Renjun feel so bad about denying a second time that he takes a small sip so the boy would finally leave him alone. The rest seem to be having the best time of their lives, he almost feels guilty for being the party killer.

Eunji was all over Jeno, quite literally, _does she even know who I am? Or is she that shameless?_ He thinks as she rubs her face on Jeno’s bicep, which leaves him with yet another insecurity. Had Jeno told Eunji about him? Of course he had, right? Otherwise he wouldn’t try to kiss him in front of her.

But the way she quite obviously flirts with Jeno was making him uneasy, and he hates that he can’t get himself to force her off him like Jeno had done many times before whenever someone would flirt with him. Jeno had literally beat up a guy for touching him, and yet there he was, watching as the girl rubbed herself on the blonde. He just wants to go home, and never go out again.

He considers calling Chenle, but he knows Jeno might understand what he’s talking about so he stays on his spot and occasionally sips on the awful beer. It tastes nasty, Renjun doesn’t get why they were drinking so much of it.

“Is your boyfriend always such a twink?” She chuckles, effectively waking Renjun up from his daze. He feels as if someone had stabbed him right in the back because of the snarky comment, his body goes numb.

“Don’t.” Jeno grumbles and gulps down yet another beer, Renjun looks at him expecting more but it never comes. Jeno simply keeps on drinking and allowing the girl to rub herself once more against him.

Renjun blinks away the tears and gets up, he couldn’t take anymore. His anxiety was pouring out of him and he just wanted to cry. “Where is your boyfriend going?” Jihoon asks behind Renjun who doesn’t wait to hear Jeno’s response, he knows it’ll only hurt him further.

He runs, he’s not quite sure where to but he doesn’t stop until he spots the familiar building of his school. Renjun sits on a nearby bench and lets the tears flow non-stop, he felt useless and stupid. _What was going on? Why were things falling apart already?_

He had heard stories from Jaemin, a lot of stories about his breakups and how hurtful it all felt. The reason he had been iffy about dating Jeno had been the fear of the end, he knew it’d have to end but until then everything had been so perfect that Renjun had forgotten about it. Now it was striking him full force, and he wasn’t sure if he could deal with the pain just yet.

With shaky fingers he calls Chenle, the boy picks up before Renjun gives up. “Hey?”

“Chenle I want to die.” Renjun sobs. “Okay maybe not but-“

“Are you crying?!” His friend shrieks, he can hear something fall on the floor. “Renjun what happened, I’m scared.”

“Me too, I’m so scared Chenle. I don’t even know what happened, me and Jeno were supposed to hang together right after his school ended. Because apparently some schools suck and have classes during national holidays, anyways not the point.” He breathes in. “But his friend tagged along and this girl, I’m sure it’s the one his friends talked about last time… She kept flirting and he did nothing, I’m not sure if he flirted back I was too numb to it all. I could only see her.”

“Shit.” Is all the other can say.

“Yes, and- I couldn’t do anything?! I just stood there awkwardly, and then they decided it’d be a brilliant idea to go to a bar! Great, right?! We went there and she kept rubbing herself on him. Literally.”

“Gross.”

“I know! And she called me a twink, Chenle.” He sobs again and more tears run down his face. “And he just… He barely did anything.”

“The same guy who beats up guys for you stayed quiet?” Chenle scoffs. “This is so messy.”

Renjun nods and goes silent, the only sound that comes from his phone is Chenle’s frustrated breathing. “But I think I fucked it up myself.”

“How so?”

“I can’t kiss him, not in front of everyone. And y’know how touchy Jeno is, he doesn’t care if people see but I do! I’m scared someone might see and- Look I don’t know people love to hurt others and plus his friends give me weird vibes. Even if they’re in my team, I can’t recall them ever congratulating me.”

Chenle hums. “Assholes, I don’t even know who they are. How insignificant.” Renjun manages to let out a chuckle at that. “But really, you have to speak to him.”

“Chenle…” Renjun bites on his lower lip. “I’m scared of him, I feel like I don’t even know him. Not really. I feel as if he hides part of himself from me, as if the only Jeno I know is the sweet and kind but really that’s not quite who he is.”

“Of course he can’t be totally himself around you, everyone acts slightly different with everyone. But not to that extent. But Jaemin knows his party animal side, right? He never mentioned Jeno to be this way.”

“Yeah, Jaemin said he’s nice even when drunk.” The older sighs and rubs the now dry tears on his face. “He looked scary.”

“Please, please speak to him.”

“I will.” Renjun promises and stands up, he feels ready to face his family without bawling his eyes out in front of them. “Goodnight, Lele.”

“Good luck, Junnie.”

 

 

 

Someone jumps on top him, Renjun wishes it’d be Jeno but the person’s scent gives away who was actually waking him up so rudely. “Go away Jaemin-ah” He groans and hides his face with his pillow, he didn’t want to hang out with anyone for quite some time.

“I’m not leaving, get your lazy ass outta bed.” His friend engulfs Renjun’s body with his own and rubs his face against Renjun’s chest.

“What are you here for? Have your three girlfriends ditched you?”

“What? No! I’ve missed you!” The younger protests and slaps the other softly on the shoulder.

“Na Jaemin is capable of such emotion? Mind blowing.” He mumbles from under the pillow, his attempts to make his friend get off him kept on failing.

Jaemin gasps dramatically and lets out a curt chuckle. “Don’t be a dickhead you know I miss you a lot, now get up.”

“Today really isn’t a good day, Jaemin.”

“It never is, now is it?”

Renjun sighs and takes the pillow away from his face, Jaemin looks at him and his smile drops once he sees Renjun’s eyebags. “I mean it, something happened and I really don’t think I’ll be good company today.”

Jaemin furrows his eyebrows and fixes Renjun’s hair. “Whatever happened, it isn’t unfixable and you can talk to me about it y’know? I know you prefer Chenle with these things but I ain’t horrid at giving advice. I’m just bad at following it.” His friend smiles softly. “Now. Get up, eat and then we can talk about it. Sounds good?”

He still wants to stay in bed, but Jaemin was being extra kind so he couldn’t say no to him. Renjun manages to get out of bed with Jaemin following right behind, they pass by the big mirror in the hall and Renjun comes to a halt. “Holdup.” He stares at the mirror and carefully touches his nape, it stung. “Oh my god.”

“You’re a red neck. Literally.” His friend snickers, Renjun glares at him and goes back to observing his burnt neck. Jaemin stays quiet for quite some time before he disappears out of Renjun’s view only to come back with a hand cream, he squeezes the cream out and places the bottle in-between his thighs. “You gotta take care of it.” He says before he starts massaging the cold cream on Renjun’s nape.

“T-Thanks.” He hisses, the coldness felt good but at the same time it hurt. “You’re going to give me diabetes today.”

“You don’t complain when Jeno does it.” Jaemin smirks, Renjun tenses at the mention of the boy easily giving away the reason of his sadness. “No way.”

Renjun doesn’t say anything and enters his kitchen, by the time Jaemin comes inside as well he’s already slurping on his bowl of cereal. His friend stands by the door with a look of disbelief, he didn’t make a sound but his eyes spoke for themselves. “I know, hard to believe.”

“Who- How- What?” He chokes out and moves his arms around frantically. “Y’all were supposed to marry and have innocent looking kids or some bullshit like that!”

“We didn’t break up, but we aren’t currently talking either.” Renjun sighs. “I’ll explain.”

It takes almost an hour to finish explaining everything to Jaemin, the boy kept interrupting to comment and call either one of them dumb. Renjun didn’t mind, he quite agreed with his friend. Once he finishes, Jaemin stays silent for a few minutes before breathing in sharply and looking at Renjun with a pitiful look. “I don’t quite understand, but you need to talk it out. I know you expect people to do it first but look Renjun…” He bites his bottom lip, Renjun can see he’s hesitating and it only makes him feel more nervous. “It’s probably not my place but I think you need to hear about his exes, I know you and that you most likely never even considered the possibility of him having exes-“

“I have, I just didn’t care. It’s not important.”

Jaemin shoots him a smile full of pride. “I wish everyone was like you, myself included. Either way, I will explain why you must do it first but let’s get out of the kitchen, your parents are right next door.”

Renjun nods and follows Jaemin back to the bedroom, his friend sits on the bed and pats the spot next to his. “Will Jeno be pissed if he knew you told me this?”

“Perhaps, I’m not quite sure. I know I sound shitty but really, I think this will help your stubborn ass do the first move.”

“Okay.” The older nods, encouraging the other to keep going.

“So, you’re not Jeno’s first at all. I think he had about five exes before you, and as you probably and hopefully know, he’s bisexual.” Renjun nods, he did know, Jeno and he had spoken about it many times. “Okay so dating girls was fine, there were no big problems apart from some jealousy here and there. They ended like most couples do when you’re young, the feeling was gone.” Jaemin looks at Renjun to check if the boy was following and proceeds. “After two girls he dated a boy, if I’m correct he was sixteen back then. It was his first boyfriend and the other boy’s first dating experience. It was awful, I mean that Renjun, Jeno would come to school crying almost every day according to Donghyuck and Mark. The boy would reject him in public, promise things he didn’t keep, and then whenever Jeno would try to make things official the boy would say something hurtful like ‘I’m not a fag I would never date this dude.’ Then later on he’d tell Jeno he wasn’t ready and beg him to wait.”

Renjun curses under his breath, he had heard far too many stories like those before but knowing Jeno had experienced it too made his heart ache.

“I don’t know what finally triggered Jeno to end it but I’m glad he did, he stopped crying so much and got much better. Then he met yet another boy, and even if he was better he still had almost the same problem. On top of that, he believed bisexuals were not a real thing so whenever Jeno would get way too close to a girl he’d call him a fake gay. Something like that. Then apologise, but it was a mess because he’d do it again. So Jeno fell into another toxic relationship without even noticing it.” Jaemin shrugs, Renjun was having a hard time processing the information.

Jeno had never mentioned a single thing about this subject, Renjun had assumed his relationships to have gone like most relationships do. Jaemin asks Renjun if he should keep going, the older nods.

“This went on for quite some time actually, then they broke it off. The boy caught him kissing his soon to be girlfriend at a party, honestly yes cheating is bad but I can’t blame Jeno for that one. He felt so lost Renjun it was a terrible sight, every day he looked like a zombie and we couldn’t do anything because he refused to let go. The only way he got out of it was because his boyfriend broke it off due to his cheating, perhaps that was his plan all along. Maybe the asshole wouldn’t let him end it. We don’t know.”

Renjun tries to think back to last year but his memories are a blurred mess, and there’s no Jeno in them. He knew Jeno was in his life for many years, practically since they were kids, and yet it seemed as if Jeno’s memories with him had been erased. He couldn’t remember Jeno looking like he was having a hard time, he thought he’d notice if he had. It just made him realise how oblivious he was to everyone else’s pain all the time.

“The girl didn’t last long, she probably found out she was a replacement for Jeno’s lack of affection. The girls had always treated him better, so he knew dating a girl would somehow make him feel more loved. I mean, it worked for quite some time. But he didn’t actually love her like that, so she broke it off.” Jaemin lets out a loud sigh and clasps his hands together. “Then you came along my sir, Jeno had always liked your dumbass apparently. Honestly, it makes sense to me, he never spoke of them like he speaks of you. Even while he was dating, he spoke of you a bit more often than normal, I’m dumb for not have noticed it sooner.”

“Me too, I’m dumb as well.”

“My point, Renjun, is that all his life Jeno got shitted on. He probably thinks you don’t want to come out. Do you think he realises it’s your anxiety? He doesn’t, he’s projecting his insecurities onto you. And you’re doing the exact same. You need to talk to him, the sooner the faster. He’s just hurt, you opened the wound that you were supposed to heal. It’s not your fault, and you need to tell him that.” His friend places his hand on his thigh, the reassuring smile on his face made Renjun feel a bit better.

“I will try, I promise. I have to this time.” Renjun gives Jaemin a weak smile, the other copies the gesture.

“Now, enough with the sad stories. I’m sure you’ll manage to fix this mess. What should we do to get king Huang’s head off the Jeno topic? Mario Kart?”

Renjun beams and shoots him finger guns. “You know me way too well.”

 

 

 

Renjun had been lying in bed for hours simply staring at his ceiling, he felt empty. Jeno still wasn’t answering any of his calls and messages, all the motivation he once had to study had been flushed down the toilet along with his happiness.

His mom had come inside his room looking worried at some point during the day but he didn’t have the energy to reply back properly and had asked her to leave with the promise of explaining what was going on later.

His phone buzzes and the boy almost throws himself on top of it, he hates how disappointed he feels that it’s not Jeno but Chenle. Soon though, that disappointment turns into worry because Chenle was texting him and that meant bad news.

**_‘Junnie, I know you have something in your plate already but’_ **

**_‘Could we talk?’_ **

He doesn’t need to ask Chenle what the call was going to be about once his friend picks up. “What did he do Chenle?”

“He kissed her.” There’s a long pause, Renjun can feel his face heat up with pure rage. “I saw them by the gates when I left school on Friday.”

“That was yesterday, how have you been? Why did it take you so long to call?”

Chenle hesitates and Renjun doesn’t like that one bit, it meant his friend was thinking twice about being honest. “I have been in bed since then.”

Renjun snorts, not because he finds the situation funny, rather because he and Chenle had the exact same copying mechanisms when it came to heartbreak. “Did they see you?”

“Yes, Jisung looked at me.” Chenle breathes in sharply. “Right before he did it, Renjun I don’t know what he’s doing bu-“

“Oh I know exactly what he’s doing and I’m tired of all this, I’m coming.” Renjun stands up and grabs the first pair of clothes he can find, Chenle starts yelling and begging for him to stop but he had already set his mind on making Jisung pay. “I’m doing it and you can’t stop me, don’t you dare stick up for your lover boy and warn him.”

He knows Chenle won’t so, without saying anything else, Renjun hangs up and dresses up as fast as he could manage. The boy grabs his phone and earphones and walks out of his room. “Mom? Could you lend me some money?”

His mom shows up in the hall with a shocked look in her face but nods. “Sure baby, where are you heading to?”

“Chenle’s, I need to see him.”

She nods, probably thinking he was coming over so Chenle would make him feel better. “Have fun, and don’t come home too late.”

 

Renjun knows which bus to take, he had done this route a couple of times to visit Chenle whenever they’d miss each other too much. This time it felt different, the May weather should be sunny and bright but it was rather gloomy and grey that day. It didn’t help the sadness that crept inside of him, and sure as hell didn’t help the anger building up because of Jisung.

He looks out of the window and observes the cars pass by, the ride would take almost an hour. An hour of him overthinking what he was going to do, overthinking Jeno’s situation, an hour of more pain. He never wanted to see Jisung in such a bad light, the boy was nice and cute whenever he was around, but the things Chenle would tell him were simply not okay and Jisung had to be forced back into reality since Chenle was too nice to do it himself.

Renjun knew Jisung was denying his feelings because he could see the stupid fondness in Jisung’s eyes whenever he’d look at Chenle, there was no denying but apparently Jisung wished to do so. It angered him to no end.

His phone kept buzzing inside his pocket but he pays no mind to it, he knows its Chenle not Jeno so it doesn’t matter. Chenle would probably try to calm him down so he wouldn’t lash on Jisung, but Renjun didn’t want that.

He remembers vaguely Jisung talking about how his mom works an extra job during Saturdays and smiles to himself, perfect. He would hate to have to usher his words because Jisung’s mom was home, her not being there gave him the freedom to yell his lungs out until the younger snapped out of it.

The bus stops and Renjun leaves, he still has to walk for a few minutes and small droplets were already starting to fall. Renjun didn’t care if he’d reach Jisung’s place soaking wet, well sort of, he felt bad for his mother who would have to come home to a wet floor.

Renjun walks faster once he spots the familiar looking grey house a few meters away. He stops right in front of the door and gulps, for the first time since Chenle had called him Renjun actually thinks twice about his plan.

“Renjun don’t!” Renjun hears from behind and he clicks on the doorbell.

“Chenle go away, I’m already pissed.” He growls but doesn’t turn back to look at his friend.

Jisung opens the door with a confused expression, he looks at Chenle first then at Renjun. “Okay? What is this?”

Renjun pushes Jisung inside and slams the boy against a nearby wall. “You, you are an asshole.” He spits out and looks at the younger right in the eye. “You’re a selfish piece of shit, and you need to snap the heck out of it. You’ve hurt Chenle enough.”

“What are you on about? Are you crazy? Chenle-“

“Don’t fucking talk to him, I’m right here.” Renjun presses the boy harder against the cold surface. "Chenle is too soft on you, you don’t deserve it.”

“You’ve gone mad? Is it because of Jeno, uh? Are you taking your frustrations on me now?”

The older’s eyes widen at the mention of the boy and he stabs his nails onto the skin of Jisung’s arms. “Say what now? This is about you and Chenle not me and my stupid life decisions, don’t change topics.”

“Well, I’m not even sure what the topic is really.” Jisung rolls his eyes and tries to get away from Renjun’s hold, suddenly the older is thankful for all those hours he spent with Jeno at the gym doing arm workouts.

“You! You being a complete idiot and shoving how straight you are right into Chenle’s face! My god Jisung are you dumb or playing dumb?!” Renjun cries out. “Are you seriously blind? To it all? Have you not figured things out already? Stop denying it to yourself, stop pretending to not see it. I know you do.”

Jisung furrows his eyebrows and chuckles. “Listen Renjun you’re seriously not emotionally okay right now, I know Jeno hurt-“

“Don’t mention him! Stop.” Renjun shivers, he doesn’t want to think of him, doesn’t want Jisung to manage to manipulate him like he had with Chenle. “How much longer are you going to deny things to yourself? How much longer are you doing to pretend you don’t feel something for-“

“I don’t!” Jisung interrupts, the younger tries to glare at him but Renjun can see the sadness hidden in his eyes, there was no anger or annoyance there. He can only feel pity for the boy. “I don’t, Chenle is my best friend.”

Renjun doesn’t need to turn around to see how Chenle’s shoulder sag down, doesn’t need to turn around to see the hurt in his friend’s face. “Idiot, you’re a complete idiot.” The older shakes his head. “I know you feel it deep down, why are you denying it so badly?”

Jisung doesn’t speak, instead moves his gaze towards Chenle standing by the door with his arms folded in front of his chest and with his head hanging down. Renjun can sense how tense the boy goes under his hold and how Jisung’s breathing hitches. “I’m not-“He gulps and looks at back at Renjun. “I can’t be.”

“Why? What’s so wrong with it?”

There’s no answer, they stare at each other in silence. Jisung doesn’t have a proper answer and Renjun knows it, it was a clear sign of denial. “I’m not gay.” He whispers, it’s comes out so soft that the older barely catches it.

“Yeah?” Renjun lets out a bitter chuckle. “Tell me now Jisung, did that girl’s kiss feel just as good as Chenle’s?”

“How did you-“The boy’s mouth hangs open but he soon closes it and presses his lips tightly against each other.

“Did it?”

Jisung looks away, this time not to look at Chenle but at the floor. “Please stop this.” His voice is shaky, like he was going to start crying at any second. “Renjun please.”

He shakes his head and grabs the other’s face forcing him to make eye contact. “Not only you’re hurting my best friend, you’re also hurting yourself. What for? I don’t get why you’re so afraid, I thought I did but I don’t. You’re not going to gain anything from this, in fact, you might lose your so called best friend forever. So, why?”

“It’s not that I have anything against it.” Jisung starts and Renjun mentally rolls his eyes, typical. “But, if I’m gay…” He sighs loudly and closes his eyes. “Y’know how much harder my life will be? I don’t want it, I never asked for it. I want to live a peaceful life.”

“Can I be honest with you, Jisung?” The younger nods. “You’re a pussy.” Jisung chokes on his own spit and, from behind him, Renjun can hear Chenle let out a tiny gasp. “A wonderful person likes you and you like them just as much but you’re scared of… society? I get it you’re young, but aren’t we all? I’d prefer to live with the love of my life than live an unfulfilling life with someone I don’t truly love.”

When the other fails to speak, Renjun continues. “Then again, if you don’t even want to take the risk for him, you don’t really deserve him. Now do you?” Jisung shakes his head. “Idiot, snap out of it. Do something while you can.”

Renjun lets go of Jisung and turns around to face Chenle whose face is just as red as a tomato, he chuckles and stops right in front of him. “If I come home today and he hasn’t asked you out, he doesn’t deserve you at all.”

Chenle nods, the soft smile on his lips makes Renjun relax because it meant his friend felt somewhat better. “If I’m single tomorrow, he’s out of my life.” He promises and gives Renjun a quick hug.

The older heads to the door and, right before he closes it, spares a glance at Jisung. The boy was sitting on the floor with his face hidden behind his hands, his shoulders were shaking and his hair was poking in weird directions. Renjun wanted to feel bad, part of him did because he truly liked Jisung, but he also knew that he had deserved to hear the truth that Chenle would never be capable of telling.

He closes the door and prays to whatever higher identity that was watching him that Jisung would accept his feelings.

 

 

 

He’s been trying, he swears he has, but Jeno wasn’t helping. Renjun had tried to approach the blonde throughout the whole week, be it during practice, before it at the gym, or through text messages. The boy would ignore him, the moment Renjun entered the gym he would leave, and if Renjun tried to come near him during practice he’d find an excuse to go away.

It was driving Renjun nuts and making him irritated, the first time he tried to swallow down his pride and fix things with someone they didn’t take him seriously. It wasn’t just him that was getting annoyed, their whole group of friends would give Jeno dirty looks all the time but the boy ignore them all. Nobody knew what was going on inside his head, but their patience was running thin.

“He’s dumb, he’s an idiot.” Donghyuck groans. “So with his little toxic boyfriends he’d go back to them the moment they said hi to him, but Renjun had been trying to fix things this whole week and he’s ignoring it.”

“Look, he probably thinks Renjun will be like the rest and followed your advice of taking no one’s shit.” Mark shrugs and takes a sip of his cola, they were all sitting outside in their usual spot but this time without Jeno around.

“Yeah, well, he took my advice too late. He should know Renjun isn’t like that, I’m so frustrated I might rip my goddamn hair out.”

Renjun lets out a deep sigh and closes his eyes, he didn’t know what to do anymore and how to make Jeno see he had good intentions. It wasn’t like Renjun was to blame for everything that had happened, Jeno was being unfair. “Anyone has any good ideas on how to make him speak to me?” The silence that follows only makes his heart break even more. “Cool so I guess I’m single-“

“Shut up!” Jaemin squeaks. “Don’t you dare say that.”

“Well damnit, if he won’t talk to me then it’s over.”

Jaemin pouts. “I might have an idea, I didn’t wanna do it because Jeno is going to hate me but I don’t want you guys to break up. Plus he’s being a dick I don’t care if he gets mad.”

Everyone perks up, even Samuel who always looked like he couldn’t care less about the topic seems interested. “Okay, I’m open to anything at this point.”

 

Renjun knew the path by heart, all those weeks coming over to Jeno’s house flashed inside his head and made him feel like crying even more. Once they stop in front of the blonde’s house, Renjun starts to feel like vomiting with nervousness and has to ask Jaemin to stop the plan for a few minutes so he could regain his senses back. His friend comforts him by rubbing circles on his back while they hug, the same boy who used to force him to do things even when he was at breaking point was now taking his time trying to calm Renjun down. Pride bubbled inside Renjun’s chest.

“Okay.” The older whispers. “Let’s do this.”

Jaemin nods, it takes a few minutes but the gate finally clicks open and they walk inside. Renjun gives his friend a look of disbelief and the boy winks in return. “This is the result of many years breaking into his house whenever his parents wouldn’t let me sleepover.”

They walk around the garden and stop just under Jeno’s bedroom window. “What now?”

“Now you climb.”

“I what?! Do I look like I wanna break my leg?”

“There’s no other choice, do you want to face his parents by going through the door?” Jaemin rolls his eyes and pushes Renjun towards the water pipe. “Go! I’ll be over here in case you fall.”

As Renjun moves up he mentally adds Jaemin’s plan to the list of the bad decisions in life he had made so far. So many things could go wrong, he could fall and break something, maybe even die and if he didn’t then Jeno would probably kick him out before he even managed to open his mouth.

He finally makes it to the top, his inner thighs were burning and his arms hurt. Renjun doesn’t dare look down and steps on the window sill probably ruining one or two of the flowers planted there in the process.

Inside Renjun could see a figure by the desk but there were no blonde locks in sight anymore, they had been replaced with black. The older gulps and knocks on the window, hopefully loud enough for Jeno to hear it but not loud enough to alarm the neighbours.

Renjun holds on tight to the pipe to his right once the boy perks his head up, facing Jeno especially with the new hair would probably knock him out of his senses which was something he couldn’t afford when he was about eight meters above ground level.

The boy’s eyes go wide open once he faces Renjun, they stay paralyzed until Jeno shakes his head and comes near the window. “What the fuck Renjun?!” He exclaims and slides the glass window. “You could’ve died.”

“If you wouldn’t be so stubborn I wouldn’t have to do this, now would I?”

Jeno doesn’t answer, instead helps the other climb inside the room and closes the window again. “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

“No, and no.” Renjun huffs and forces Jeno to sit down on the bed. “We need to talk, and you need to stop running away from me. I’ve had enough.”

“Okay.” Jeno’s voice comes out as a weak whisper, but at least he was allowing Renjun to speak this time.

Renjun doesn’t even know where to start, what he does know is that he had to make sure the words would come out right so that Jeno would finally understand his point of view. “I was scared when we started dating, it was all so scary for me.”

“Scary?!” Jeno looks almost offended, _bad move._

“Yes.” The older sighs. “Jeno you already know I’m anxious. I haven’t gotten it checked but I know that, to some degree, I have anxiety. When I’m with you I feel safe and calm but even then showing affection in public scares me to no end. I can’t explain it and it doesn’t make sense but I am willing to try to change it since I know how happy it makes you feel.”

Jeno wets his lips and nods slightly.

“Really, this isn’t about me being scared to come out. I like boys I know I do and I’d scream it out loud if you’d ask me to. I’d die of embarrassment but that’s not the point.” They both chuckle. “I’m not like that, Jeno, I’m not scared to proudly call you mine. What scares me are the people watching us. I get anxious thinking about the homophobic people who could hurt us if they saw, and I get uncomfortable in front of strangers too. But trust me, I love you.”

The younger goes stone cold, his eyes were wide open as he stared at the floor. “Don’t say things like that, not if you don’t truly mean them.”

“Jeno have been listening to me talk this whole time?! I mean it, and my love hasn’t disappeared even after you constantly rejected throughout this whole week. To me, that’s a pretty big sign I mean it. Believe me, I’m not like your exes.”

“How did you-“ He stops and then rolls his eyes. “Jaemin can’t keep his mouth shut.”

“Well I’m glad he didn’t because it made me realise what I was doing wrong.”

No one speaks, Renjun waits for the other to say something while Jeno tries his best to retain all the information Renjun had spewed on him. “I’m sorry for assuming things.”

It’s then that Renjun is reminded of the biggest reason he had acted weird that day. “Jeno I have something else I gotta speak to you about.”

Jeno furrows his eyebrows and reached out for the boy. He grabs the thin wrist, pulls Renjun close and hides his face on Renjun’s chest. “Shoot.”

“Are you satisfied? With me? With what we have?” Renjun tries to not let his voice come out shaky. “That talk you had with your friends I- I’m sorry I’m not like that, but I’d give myself to you if you’d want me to.”

“What?!” Jeno puts his hands on Renjun’s waist and look up at him, chin pressing against the other boy’s chest. “When- How did you get this idea? That I’m not satisfied with this?!”

“Jihoon and Woojin kept saying Eunji could do better and you didn’t deny it.”

“When even was this?!” The younger squeaks.

“Few days before we got mad at each other, at the changing rooms.”

Jeno furrows his eyebrows further, it was as if they were knitted together by then. “Wait- No Renjun I wasn’t there.”

“What do you mean you weren’t there, they were speaking to you!” Renjun protests.

“On the phone!” Jeno protests back.

Renjun blinks, once, twice, thrice. “Oh.”

“Oh back at you for thinking I’d want sex, it scares the living shit out of me. Especially with you, I don’t wanna ruin it.” Jeno evolves Renjun’s body with his arms. “I was telling them to shut up the whole time, I swear Injunnie.”

Renjun smiles brightly and bends downs so he could place a kiss on the top of Jeno’s head. "I'm sorry I didn’t trust you.”

“I could say the exact same.”

Before the older can even react Jeno is already pulling both of them onto the mattress, Renjun’s face hits the other boy’s chest harshly and he whines. Jeno grabs both of his boyfriend’s cheek with a worried look on his face. “I’m sorry! Are you hurt?!”

“Your chest is harder than you think, muscle pig.” He whines.

The other snorts at the sight of Renjun pinching his nose and making sure it wasn’t broken, Renjun couldn’t even be pissed off if he tried; not when Jeno was grinning so brightly underneath him.  

They lay still and in silence with Jeno rubbing circles on Renjun’s lower back, the older sighs in contentment at some point and wakes Jeno up from his daze. “Do you have to go? Can you stay?”

“My mother would kill me.” Renjun locks eyes with the other and pouts.

“Another time then.” The younger pinches his boyfriend’s cheeks, placing a soft peck on them afterwards.

He nods and gives Jeno a soft smile. “Sounds like a plan.”

 

 

 

Renjun shoves one of his shirts (Jeno’s favourite) inside his big black bag, it was difficult to pack up with one of his hand occupied but he was somehow managing. Chenle had called as soon as the older sent him a message fangirling over Jeno’s sleepover request, he wanted to know all the details from afterwards and threatened to kill Renjun if he didn’t _spill the beans._ The older was obviously not planning on sharing much but Chenle would never know if he omitted information or not anyways. 

"Why did u exfoliate?" Chenle asks with a teasing tone when Renjun mentions, without thinking twice, that he had taken ten minutes longer inside the shower scrubbing himself all over. "Are you planning on getting’ it goin’?” He can sense the other wiggling his eyebrows even through the phone and rolls his eyes.

Renjun mentally hits himself, _of course Chenle would tease him._ "No! Why? Can I not have soft skin?” He groans. "It’s not like we’re going to do anything"

"So, no fucking?" The older cringes as soon as the last word comes out of his friend’s mouth, Renjun wishes he could strangle him right then and there.

"No!" The boy cries out. "Just cuddling! For goodness sake. And we wouldn't fuck anyways, I hate that word."

"Let me guess," Chenle snorts. "you’d make love." Renjun’s silence is the answer he needed. "Y’all are so gross! I bet Jeno told you that, he’s the lame kind of boyfriend I just know it."

Renjun huffs. "Yes but-" He tries to explain himself but his friend fake gags and cuts him off. "Fuck you man."

"Nah, make love to me." Chenle snickers.

The older glares at his phone before he hangs up without any warning and throws the device to the other side of his bed. After things started going well with Jisung, Chenle had started to become even wittier and that wasn’t a bad thing but it made him want to hit the other even more regularly than before. It was frustrating when Chenle lived so far away, but Renjun promised himself he would make up for it during their next swimming competition. He smirks at the thought.

 

Having dinner with anyone’s parents is stressful, but with your boyfriend’s parents? Renjun thought he might pass out from nervousness.

Jeno had already assured him countless times they were nice, and that they’d try their best to make him feel comfortable, but even then he couldn’t stop his legs from shaking and head from buzzing.

The moment they sit down around the table, though, it starts to fade away. They didn’t treat him like he wasn’t there, but didn’t exactly put him on the spotlight, sometimes they’d turn to him and ask if he agreed of whatever topic they were discussing but that was about it. Renjun was sure Jeno had had a little talk with them beforehand, or even told them whatever they would want to know so they wouldn't have to directly ask him.

It’s not that he had never spoken to them, it was inevitable since he would spend so much time at Jeno’s but it was a few seconds interaction at best, a simple greeting and then he was gone inside the boy’s bedroom for the rest of the day.

Jeno gives him a look that he read as _‘You okay?’_ , Renjun shoots him a tiny smile and nods faintly. Truth be told, he was actually enjoying hearing Jeno’s dad talk about his latest costumer and how much of a headache he had gotten because of them.

He doesn’t even notice time going by, in a blink of an eye dinner is over and they start to clear the table up. Renjun was getting ready to help putting the dishes in the dishwasher when Jeno’s mother forces him out of the kitchen. “Really, you don’t have to. You’re the guest here! Go have fun you two.”

Renjun was about to protest but Jeno grabs his arm and runs up the stairs dragging his boyfriend with him. “Jeno!” Renjun shrieks and tries to slap the other’s hand away. “I hate you.”

“You love me.” He whispers once they reach the second floor and grabs Renjun’s face, squishing it so much that the other’s lips create a little pout. Renjun mumbles something but Jeno shuts him up with a quick kiss. “You’re so stubborn.” He chuckles and lets the other go.

“Oh look who’s talking.” Renjun crosses his arms in front of his chest.

Jeno doesn’t bother answering and drags Renjun once again in the direction of his room. “Did you bring pyjamas?”

The older nods and grabs his bag, he takes out a simple looking green pyjama with a bit of difficulty since his bag was so full and stands up once again. “Where do I change?”

“Uh.” The black haired blinks. “Here?” He says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Hell no.” Renjun shakes his head violently.

“And why not?” Jeno frowns and waits for the other to give him a proper answer, but he stays mute. “Renjun-“

“It’s embarrassing.” He sighs, Jeno’s frown deepens and Renjun looks down at his feet. “My body.”

Jeno’s frown dissipates and is replaced by a sad expression, he walks closer to the older and places his hands on his shoulders. “What are you even saying I’ve seen your body countless times during practice and you know I love it.”

“But this is intimate.” Renjun protests. “I’m so skinny, you’d see it up close-“

“You’re frustrating me, why’d I care? I already told you I love your body, you need to stop being so insecure.” Jeno shakes the boy slightly and bends down so their eyes meet. “Listen Injunnie, please love yourself. Not because I do but because you deserve to feel at peace within yourself."

Renjun finally looks up, his eyes were shinier than usual and Jeno feels as if someone had punched his heart. “Okay.” He whispers and smiles softly.

“That’s better.”

 

 _Tick Tock._ The beating of the clock filled the pitch-black silent room, Renjun could barely hear it over the sound of his own heart beating fast inside his chest. Jeno had his head right on top of it, he couldn’t help but wonder if the other could hear just how fast it beat, and he knew it was because of him.

Jeno runs his index finger slowly up and down Renjun’s arm in a calming fashion, time to time he’d nuzzle his face on the older’s neck and sigh which didn’t help Renjun’s heart calm down. He tries to focus on rubbing circles on the back of Jeno’s back, but the other’s touch kept sending shivers down his spine and making him forget he was supposed to pet Jeno back.

“Injunnie.” Jeno’s raspy voice cuts the silence.

“Yeah?”

“How come you’re so soft, this is illegal.” He fake cries and rubs his face on Renjun’s chest.

Renjun giggles and jokingly slaps Jeno’s back. “You’re illegal and making me diabetic.”

The other chuckles and goes back to sluggishly petting Renjun’s arm, what the older doesn’t expect is for Jeno to suddenly move his hand inside of his shirt and start rubbing tiny circles near his hipbone. He stiffens for a while before finally relaxing, Jeno senses the shift and smiles without even noticing. “Love you.” He mumbles making Renjun squeak.

“What?”

“I said I love you.” Jeno repeats louder.

Renjun stares at the ceiling and smiles brightly. “And I love you.”

 

 

Jeno’s bathroom looked fancy, he had a bathtub that looked almost like a tiny Jacuzzi and a pretty shower with blue tainted glass walls to protect the floor from getting wet. He lets out a faint ‘wow’ and starts to undress, before he steps inside the shower Renjun places his clothes neatly on top of the toilet seat.

The boy takes his time trying to figure out how to turn the water on and how to make it warm, but not too warm, since the system is completely different from his house's taps “What kinda fancy crap is this” He mutters.

Somehow, he gets the hang of it and does a little victory dance. Before he can even starts shampooing his hair, however, the door is slammed open and the boy almost falls on his butt. Jeno walks inside calmly with some clothes on his arms, Renjun just stares horrified and tries to cover himself the best he could. “Jeno!” He wheezes out.

“What?” The other doesn’t even bother looking at him and starts taking his clothes off.

Alarmed, Renjun almost trips once again. “Jeno!” He repeats louder. “I’m showering can’t you see?!”

“Yeah, and?” The younger turns around and Renjun tries to ignore the fact that he only has boxers on. “Save water.”

“You’re basically rich.” He rolls his eyes.

“If you want I won’t join you, but I don’t see why I shouldn’t. We’re dating.” Jeno shrugs.

Renjun opens and closes his mouth and his boyfriend chuckles at the sight. “Okay.” He mutters. “Okay, yeah, whatever.”

Jeno finishes taking off his clothes and places them on top of Renjun’s. The moment he steps inside the shower, Renjun takes two steps back and stares at the ceiling. “So my mom’s baking a cake, any preferences?”

The older hums. “Pumpkin?”

Jeno nods. “MOM?” He yells making Renjun flinch. There is a muffled ‘yes?’ coming from downstairs just a few seconds after. “RENJUN WANTS PUMPKIN CAKE!” Renjun looks horrified but Jeno simply shrugs and turns on the water.

It wasn’t a scenario he had ever considered. It wasn’t the first time he had seen Jeno naked, he had many times, for quite a few years now. However this was different, it was just them alone inside Jeno’s bathroom and suddenly Renjun was feeling slightly self-conscious. He knew the other didn’t care, he hadn’t even moved his eyes lower than Renjun’s face but he couldn’t help the stupid insecurities that formed inside his head.

“Renjun.” Jeno’s voice brings him back to life. “Are you okay?”

“I’m good.” He smiles the best he can and plays with his fingers.

“You don’t need to hide.” His voice is soothing, Renjun almost relaxes completely. “I won’t look, I promise.” He nods nervously and grabs the shower gel but Jeno stops him before he could pour it in his hands. “Should I clean your back?”

Renjun blinks a few times before nodding and turns his back to the other. “Pass me the shampoo then.”

They stay quiet for a while, Jeno’s hands doing wonders in relaxing Renjun who was massaging his own scalp with the peach smelling shampoo Jeno always used. “How’s school?” The younger asks and flips the boy around.

“I’m nervous.” Renjun admits as he stares into the other’s eyes. “Reports are coming out soon and I’m not ready to get my ass whooped by my mother.”

Jeno chuckles and starts spreading the shower gel on Renjun’s chest. “You won’t, you’re such a good student why’d you get your ass whooped?”

“I absolutely suck at Maths! Well, not really but it’s so hard.” He whines and moves his hands from his own head to Jeno’s and starts shampooing the dark locks carefully. “Like, I wish I liked it as much as I love History so that I’d actually enjoy studying it. But I don’t, so then I don’t get the grades I should.”

The younger hums, the room goes quiet once again and Renjun doesn’t mind it anymore. Jeno’s hands kept roaming down but his body stayed relaxed, it amazed him how much of a calming effect the other had on him. “My mom doesn’t even mind anymore, I bring home shitty Math grades and she shrugs. I’m just bad at it, but I compensate with what I’m good at. So it’s all good.” He smiles brightly.

“Mine is the typical Asian one, ‘Renjun baby you must be good at everything if you want to go to a great university’.” Renjun rolls his eyes. “I don't have superpowers.”

Jeno snorts and hands him the shower gel. “Don’t think I should go lower, you finish up.” Renjun blushes slightly and nods. “Clean my back after?” Jeno puts on his best puppy eyes and the older sighs, pretending he wasn’t planning on doing that already.

 

As it turns out, Jeno’s dad had to run to the small market near the house to get a pumpkin and, when Renjun finds out, Jeno has to physically stop him from apologizing by placing his hand on top of the older’s mouth. “It’s seriously no problem!” Mr. Lee chuckles.

“But it’s so much work.” Renjun protests once he manages to make Jeno take his hand away.

“It’s fine.” The older man repeats and he nods reluctantly. “The cake is amazing it definitely makes up for it.”

Jeno’s mom giggles slightly and hands them both a piece of cake. “Hope you like it too!”

It is indeed delicious, Renjun makes a pleased noise and gives her thumbs up before devouring the whole thing. “Can I have more?”

“You can eat all of it if you want.” She pushes the plate with the cake in his direction.

“I support the idea.” Jeno whispers next to the older’s ear. “Don’t you wanna gain weight?” Renjun punches him on the shoulder lightly and takes another piece.

The rest of the evening goes by quickly and, before they know it, Renjun is saying goodbye to Jeno’s parents and getting ready to go home. Jeno pouts as he watches his boyfriend put his shoes on near the door, they had been together for more than twenty four hours and yet, it didn’t feel like it was enough. “I’m sad.” He cries out.

Before the older finally leaves, Jeno pulls him into a suffocating bear hug. “I have to go, my bus will be coming soon.” Renjun kisses him on the cheek and adjusts his bag.

Jeno does let go, after Renjun’s lips are shiny and red, just the way he likes them. 

 

 

 

“Girl, you look beautiful.” Donghyuck says in a high-pitched voice. “Work it!"

“Shut up Hyuck.” Jaemin sighs in frustration and turns to Renjun once again. “Jeno’s going to die once he sees you.”

Renjun had let Donghyuck take care of his makeup for prom, he wasn’t sure why he had agreed to it quite frankly, knowing how extra the boy was he probably looked like a clown. “Show me.” He whines and tries to grab the little mirror Jaemin had in his hands.

“The hair isn’t done!” He protests and pushes the other down. “Go big or go home.”

He glares at his friend but lets him have his way and goes back to watching TV, Donghyuck was busy getting his makeup done next to him and Renjun couldn’t help but notice how much eyeshadow the boy was putting. “You did not make me look like I got punched in the eye, right?”

“First of all I’m offended, I look bomb.” Donghyuck sighs dramatically. “And no, you look just slightly less innocent.”

“ _Slightly.”_ Renjun repeats in a mocking tone.

Renjun doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting down, probably more than two hours and still counting, all he wanted was to look pretty but he didn’t know that it’d take so long. He blames his friends for being so picky about things, if it were up to him he wouldn’t even do anything to his hair but Jaemin felt the need to gel it up. _Why?_ Because he could, apparently.

“Done!” Jaemin exclaims and stares at Renjun’s face with a bright smile. “I’d turn gay for you.”

“That’s incest.” Renjun wrinkles his nose. “Just give me the mirror already.”

It felt as if he was going all the way back to when he first dyed his hair, it was so weird to look in the mirror and almost not recognize the person staring back. Donghyuck had used eyeliner on both the top and bottom eyelid and put a bit of mustard coloured eyeshadow, it wasn’t as dramatic as he had expected it to be, and he couldn’t help but love the look.

Renjun puts the mirror down and starts clapping, the two boys look at him as if he was crazy. “You okay there?” Donghyuck asks.

“More than. I look- Wow.” He looks at the mirror once more. “Thank you guys, my butt hurts but my face looks good so who cares.”

 

Not agreeing to his father’s lift offer was a big mistake, _yet another one to his list_. They had to walk all the way to Donghyuck’s school at night looking like they had come out of the red carpet and, on top of that, they also had to walk up the never-ending stairs that Renjun dreaded.

Renjun almost regrets choosing to go to Jeno’s prom instead of his but then remembers the so promised free food and suddenly gains his energy back. “The food better be delicious.”

The other two agree right away. “If I sweat because of these stupid stairs and ruin my look, I might sue my school.” Donghyuck huffs.

“You put like three layers of deodorant all over your body.” Jaemin points out and Donghyuck shrugs.

“Good point.”

They finally reach the top, it was crowded with people and cars. Donghyuck guides them around towards the entrance, yelling at random strangers to move out of the way time to time and making Renjun die of embarrassment. They manage to make their way inside and walk to the back of the building where the sports hall was located.

The school’s gardens were beautifully decorated, whoever had done the job had outdone themselves. There were a few red lights mixed with white placed on the grass creating a path all the way to the entrance of the hall, some of the trees were decorated with flickering lights as well. And if Renjun thought the gardens looked pretty, then he definitely wasn’t ready to see the hall. His eyes go wide open at the sight and he gasps loudly. There were so many lights, balloons and many more decorations all over the place, it was almost overwhelmingly beautiful inside. “Wow.” He breathes out.

“I thought my school was poor.” Donghyuck scoffs. “Guess they’re only poor when it comes to class trips.”

Suddenly, Renjun feels two pairs of hands on his shoulders and gasps. “Hello beautiful.” He hears and turns around, Jeno had his hair styled up as well and a tad of eye makeup on. It was so simple, and yet Renjun thought he was the most handsome boy in the world.

“My diabetes just keep getting worse.” He smiles and places a kiss on Jeno’s cheek. “You look so handsome.”

Jeno scans his boyfriend’s face and then looks at his outfit. “Well, you look unreal.” He licks his lips, pulls the other closer and kisses him on the lips like his life depended on it. It isn’t until someone (Donghyuck) starts complaining that they break apart, Renjun can feel his cheeks heat up and looks at the floor. “I’m so lucky.”

“Okay! Enough!” Donghyuck cries out. “I thought Mark was lame, but Lee Jeno you take the prize home.” Everyone laughs, even Jeno. “Now, where’s the food again?”

 

There was barely anyone outside when Jeno and Renjun step into the gardens, the younger sits on the grass and pats the spot next to his with a soft smile on his face. “Really? I’m going to ruin my suit, Jeno.” Renjun pouts but sits nevertheless.

“Who cares?”

“I do.”

Jeno rolls his eyes and grabs the other boy’s waist. “There’s no clouds today.” He looks up, Renjun was too busy staring at his boyfriend to look up as well but agrees anyways. “It’s so pretty.”

“Like you.” Renjun says without thinking twice, Jeno looks at him with a surprised expression and snorts.

“I might gain diabetes from you real soon as well.” He teases and Renjun hides his face with his hands, Jeno’s finger traces Renjun’s birthmark with a fond look and then proceeds to try to make the other show his face again. “Oh c’mon, it was cute.”

“It was so cringy!” Renjun fights the other back once Jeno tries to push his hands away from his face. He had forgotten just how strong Jeno actually was and whimpers once the younger manages to move his hands away. “What are you? The Hulk or what?”

Jeno laughs loudly and lays down on the grass. “Lay next to me.”

“My suit-“

“Injunnieee.” He whines and pulls at the other boy’s jacket. “C’mon.”

Renjun rolls his eyes and lays down with his head on top of Jeno’s chest. The muffled sound of music fills the air as they lay down and stare up at the sky, Renjun didn’t deem it possible to be more relaxed and at peace than he was then. Jeno just had that effect on him no matter where they were, it still mesmerized him even after months of dating.

Time goes by and Renjun can feel his eyelids get heavy, his subconscious was yelling at him about how they should head back inside before it gets too late, but he ignores it and pulls Jeno even closer. The calming sound of Jeno’s heartbeat lulls him to sleep in no time.

 

 

 

The air is so thick and warm that Renjun feels as if he’s suffocating the moment he steps outside his porch, he sincerely hoped that the swimming pool they were heading to had air conditioning or else he would spend the whole day inside the kid's pool.

Entering the bus felt like stepping inside a greenhouse, Renjun groans and slowly makes his way to the back where he his friends where at. Jaemin was already sitting next to someone once he gets there and Renjun gives him a questioning look. His friend points to another seat a few rows back in response.

He follows Jaemin’s finger only to find a cheerful Jeno staring back at him, Renjun grins and waves. “Jaemin agreed of switching places.” The boy explains when his boyfriend sits down next to him.

Before Renjun answers Jeno, he lets his eyes wander towards the other boy’s clothing and he lets his mouth hang open. “Since when do they make tank tops with our team’s logo?!” He squeaks, his eyes wouldn’t seem to leave Jeno’s biceps and collarbones that were _much to his demise_ full on display.

“Since like forever.” Jeno quirks his eyebrow up in amusement and flexes his arm just to tease the other further. “You seem to like it.”

Renjun finally looks up and sends him a death glare. “Shut up.”

“Shut me up.” He smirks and Renjun flicks his forehead. “I won’t shut up if you won’t do it.”

The older turns his whole body towards him and sits cross-legged on top of the seat, he glares at Jeno once more but gives up and moves forward to place a kiss on the other’s lips. Before he can back away, though, Jeno grabs his waist and pulls him even closer continuing the kiss.

“Knock it off already I’m right here.” Donghyuck whines and slaps the top of Jeno’s head.

“How come you’re always the one interrupting?” The black haired growls and twists his friend’s hand making the other whimper in pain. “Can I not kiss my boyfriend in peace you asshole.”

Mark stands up and grabs Jeno’s wrist so he’d stop hurting Donghyuck and tsks. “You both are going to drive me nuts.”

“Your boyfriend is gonna drive me nuts too, can you like kiss him so he shuts up.” Jeno huffs.

“His breath smells like shit I don’t wanna.” Donghyuck snorts once Mark shoots him a look of disbelief. “I’m joking, baby. You know I am-“

“You can kiss my ass from now on, I'm sure it wouldn't make a difference then. Bye.” Mark waves him off and grabs his bag.

“Gladly.” The boy smirks and throws himself on top of his boyfriend to prevent him from changing places.

“Okay gross.” Jeno mumbles and goes back to paying attention to Renjun who was giggling at the scene happening on the row of seats just behind them, Jeno thought he looked adorable with rosy cheeks and a big smile on his face.

If he usually wanted to kiss Renjun then that feeling had been amplified by hundred, Jeno doesn’t even bother containing the urge to kiss his boyfriend and grabs the older’s cheek so he would stop staring at the other couple fighting and instead focus on him. Renjun looks at him confused, which made him even more adorable, but Jeno doesn’t answer and locks their lips together once more.

Renjun recovers from the shock quickly and kisses back, Jeno wondered when he would get tired of how good Renjun’s kisses felt like. He had kissed before, many times actually, girls and boys, people he dated and random strangers, and yet Renjun still felt better and sweeter than anyone else.

At first the older wouldn’t relax, his lips would always stay tense against Jeno’s experienced ones. Not that Jeno minded, it still made his tummy flip and turn like never before, but he did have to admit that the way Renjun moved his lips in synch with his now felt like heaven on earth. And he was addicted.

“You keep kissing me randomly.” Renjun breathes out once they stop, Jeno presses their foreheads together and chuckles.

“If I could kiss you forever I would, it’s too tempting.”

Renjun giggles and smacks Jeno’s shoulder lightly. “Shut up, you big sap.”

 

 

Chenle jumps on top of him the second Renjun opens the doors of the swimming pool, all the plans of beating his ass to a pulp suddenly vanished as the boy rubbed his cheek against the crook of Renjun’s neck. “I missed you.” His friend admits and hugs him tighter.

“Slow down mister.” Renjun chuckles and pets his hair. “I missed you too.”

Behind him stood Jisung with a tiny smile on his face, he looked at Renjun and bowed with his head, Renjun copies him. “Ready to kill them all today?” Chenle asks once he finally lets go.

“I sure hope so, this is my last chance.” Renjun sighs deeply, truth be told he wasn’t sure if he’d still swim after entering university, competitive swimming took lots of dedication and he wasn’t sure he would have enough time for that. Which meant that that was going to be his last competition, he didn’t like to think about it much though, it made his heart hurt.

They come closer to Jisung and Renjun can’t miss the fact that the youngest holds Chenle’s hand right away, he shoots him a proud smile and Jisung giggles nervously. Chenle seemed oblivious to it all and kept on rambling about how much he wanted a medal.

 

Renjun doesn’t know how Chenle had managed to bribe his coach to let him spend the day with Renjun’s team once more, but then again who could resist Chenle’s adorable puppy eyes?

“Could someone please pass me the crackers?” Mark asks while he scribbles something down on his notebook.

Donghyuck gets up and tries to lift Jeno up who squeaks and starts hitting him right away. “Sorry babe they don’t seem to want to be eaten right now.”

“Why am I a cracker?”

“You looked like a hot young version of Donal Trump with your blonde hair, please.” Donghyuck snorts and finally lets go so he can grab an actual packet of crackers for Mark.

Jeno gapes and looks around to see if anyone else agreed only to find Renjun giggling. “You think so too?!”

“Well, no.” Renjun puts him arms up in surrender. “But I must admit I see where it’s coming from.” The younger pouts and turns his head to the side dramatically, a strand of his black hair falls in front of his eyes. “Aww look at you, how cute.”

Renjun reaches out for the other to try to move the strand of hair away but Jeno is faster and grabs his wrist. “No.”

“C’mon Jeno the blonde hair was literally the reason I noticed you.” Renjun rolls his eyes and places his free hand on the boy’s thigh knowing it’d make Jeno loose his focus.

The boy lets go of Renjun’s wrist reluctantly, he still didn’t look pleased so Renjun kisses his cheek and waits for the smile that he knew would show up on the other’s face to appear. “Fine, whatever.”

He doesn’t get to kiss Jeno again because their coach demands for Renjun to get ready for his turn, they all say goodbye except Chenle who was going to swim with him just like usual. They sit down on two plastic chairs right next to each other and watch as the rooms fills with the same boys that they had been seeing for years, Renjun didn’t know the name of half of them but part of him felt sad knowing he would never see them ever again.

“You look sad.” Chenle points out.

“It’s just really weird.” Renjun sighs. “This is probably last time I do this by your side, and with these people.”

Chenle hums, nodding in agreement. “I’ll miss this, but I think I’m also ready for more.”

Renjun smiles softly because he understood what his friend meant, he too wanted to move on and start something new somewhere else, find a new hobby and a new way of living. He wanted to grow as a person which was something his little town wasn’t letting him do, he wanted more and knew university would give him just that. “What about Jisung, he’s still got a year left to go till uni.”

“We’ll be fine, I can come visit anytime I want or have you forgotten I bathe in gold coins every day?” Chenle winks at him and they both laugh out loud, some people give them weird looks but Renjun doesn’t care. “If he can’t afford seeing me often then I’ll definitely come to him. What about you and Jeno?”

“I don’t know, we’ll have to see once we get accepted into university. But I really like him, I’d try even if we lived far away.”

“C’mon Korea ain’t that big, you’ll be fine.”

“We planned on applying to same uni but we can’t know it’ll work, even if it doesn’t I’ll be happy just seeing him during weekends.” Renjun admits. “How about you and me, uh?”

The younger puts his hand on top of Renjun’s and squeezes it. “You and i? Is that even a question? We are used to barely seeing each other, you won’t get rid of me anytime soon Junnie.”

“I wouldn’t want to anyways.” He pokes his tongue out. “It’s scary but I think I’m also ready to move on from what I’ve created during these eighteen years.”

Suddenly the woman calls out their name, they stand up and finally walk out of the stuffy room. Outside both their teammates start chanting their name, Renjun cocks his head down in embarrassment while Chenle obnoxiously waves back and cheers for himself as well.

They part ways with a little pat in the back, Renjun takes off his shirt and warms his muscles up without paying much attention to his team on the other side of the swimming pool. He did have to admit that part of him wished Jeno was looking at him with just as much admiration as Renjun when it was the other way around.

The whistle goes off and he breathes in sharply, the uneasiness grows even bigger the moment he jumps inside the freezing water. He knew, deep down, this really was going to be his last chance to make it big and win first place. Fucking up now would mean living with it forever, not that he minded being third or second, but being first was just _special._

He gets into position and closes his eyes, focusing instead on breathing in and out in in a calming rhythm. The second whistle echoes inside the swimming pool and then all he can hear are underwater noises, Renjun keeps his eyes closed and moves his body in a wave-like fashion until he reaches the surface.

 _Now or never._ Renjun opens his eyes and watches as his arms show up in his field of vision, point at the ceiling, turn, disappear and repeat with the other side. He flexes his abdomen to get his legs to move upwards so he can move faster just as the stairs appear in the corner of his eye, Renjun breathes in deeply before turning around.

Jeno was yelling so much that he could hear him loud and clear, he smiles at him and flips. Even underwater he keeps his smile on his face, seeing everyone cheer for him made the adrenaline pump even faster and he moves his body quicker than ever before.

It felt freeing, almost like flying, Renjun had never moved so fast in his life without his swimming fins. He closes his eyes again, the feeling of the water flowing all around him felt so pleasing and calming but he tries to not lose focus and keeps swimming like his life depended on it.

His hand smashes against the wall and he cries out in pain but soon forgets it once he notices how behind everyone else was compared to him. Ahead his team shouted the loudest he had ever heard and he smiles brightly forcing himself up to look at the time. _Fifty nine seconds?_ “Oh my-“

He’s told to leave by the woman recording his time after everyone else is done, Renjun can’t even feel his limbs as he steps on the stairs and wobbles his way to the plastic white chair to get his shirt and flip-flops.

Not even mid-way to his team, Renjun is engulfed by Jeno in a big bear hug. “I’m so proud of you.” Jeno’s voice is filled with an emotion Renjun had never heard before, bigger than pride or just happiness.

“I can’t believe it.”

“Me neither, but you made it Renjun. None of your opponents has been that fast ever, I doubt they’ll beat you today.”

Renjun snorts and shakes his head. “Stop, day isn’t over let’s not get too excited.”

Before Jeno can protest further, their team mates make their way to them and start pampering Renjun so much that the boy feels his legs shake with all the praises. It was overwhelming, Renjun was going to miss the adrenaline of it all.

Chenle joins them at some point with Jisung by his side, both boys praise him even more and Renjun had to shut them up before he loses his ability of standing up. “Enough, I’m going to die from all these compliments.” He wheezes out. “What’d you get, Lele?”

“One minute and five seconds! I’m not sure I’ll get a medal for it but-“

“It doesn’t matter, you did your best right?”

“I did.”

Renjun smiles softly and pats his shoulder. “Then who cares, I know a medal is nice I’m not going to lie but you can live with knowing you gave your best nevertheless.”

Chenle pulls him into a hug, they stay that way for a while before Jisung coughs awkwardly and they break apart. Chenle pinches the youngest’s cheeks and then places a quick kiss on the left one, Renjun watches them with a mix of pride and fondness. _Finally, after all this time._ “I thought I’d die without seeing this.” He jokes and Jisung flips him off. “It’s the truth, you pussy.”

“Call me that again and I’ll-“

“You’ll do nothing because I don’t want you to die from strangulation.”

“Listen to your boyfriend, breadstick.” Renjun teases, the smirk on his face was driving Jisung nuts but the boy stays put for Chenle. “Anyways I’m on my way, coming?”

 

 

Mark’s soft groan catches Renjun's attention when they’re all lazily eating snacks and talking, he looks up only to find a big carton box right in front of him. “Need help there?” He chuckles and stands up.

“It’d be appreciated, definitely.” Mark smiles brightly at him.

“I’ll help too!” Chenle chirps and the three carry the heavy box towards its destined place.

“What even is inside this? A baby?” Renjun cries out when they finally put it down.

“Snacks, lots of them. Half for Donghyuck probably.” He explain and opens the box revealing all the different snacks inside. “Better than some crackers, no?”

“Definitely!” Chenle exclaims, snakes his arms around Mark’s neck and presses their cheeks together so harshly that their faces become deformed. “You’re the best hyung!”

What Chenle can’t see is the look of disbelief in Jisung’s face as he watches his boyfriend rub himself all over Mark, Jeno laughs out loud at the boy’s reaction but his laughter soon dies down because Renjun ruffles Mark’s hair and thanks him in an overly cute way just a few moments later. The black haired glares at Renjun knowing full well the boy’s attention was clearly anywhere else but on him.

“Renjun come back!” He hisses.

“In a second.” The boy replies and keeps on talking to Mark.

“Do you see this shit?” Jisung asks Donghyuck.

“I do, my man still gets it going even when he’s dating. A legend.” The boy shrugs and goes back to paying attention to his phone. “Not my fault your boyfriends are sluts, now is it?”

“RENJUN NOW.” Jeno demands and his boyfriend huffs but follows orders.

“What do you want?” Renjun crosses his arms in front of his chest with look of annoyance on his face. “Can I not speak with Mark without your possessive ass getting pissed off?”

Jeno opens his mouth to speak but Jisung steals the spotlight with his loud shout. “Chenle I did not come out of the closet for you to cheat on me like this!” The youngest was fuming, he had his hands on his hips and kept stomping his foot on the floor like an angry housewife.

“Karma’s a bitch, Jisung Park.” Chenle glares at him and hides behind Mark when his boyfriend comes running towards him with his hand raised up high in the air. “Don’t you dare.”

“Okay guys-“ Mark tries but Jisung cuts him off.

“Don’t.” He growls and tries to grab Chenle’s shirt to no avail because Mark pushes him away before he can touch the boy. “Chenle I hate you so much.”

The boy pokes his tongue out and grins right after just to piss the younger further. “Denying your feelings again?”

Jisung lets out a frustrated groan and goes back to trying to snatch Chenle back from Mark’s protection, the rest are so busy watching the scene that totally forget what they were previously doing. Jeno was already all over Renjun with his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder and arms around his waist watching as the new couple bickered. Donghyuck had miraculously put his phone down just to grab it again to film them.

Jaemin passes by to steal one of the croissants inside of the big box, stops, watches the scene just in front of him for a few seconds and starts giggling. “Problems in gay paradise, fellas?” He chuckles and takes a bite of the croissant.

The three boys stop yelling and slowly turn their heads in the intruder’s direction, Jaemin stares back at them wide eyed and gulps. “You better start running before you’re dead meat, Na Jaemin.” Jeno shouts from where he was sitting.

Jaemin wastes no time and runs away in sonic speed before any of them could catch up to him.

 

Renjun wonders just when Jeno had turned out to be the buffest guy in their swimming team, even from more than hundred meters away he could see how big Jeno’s muscles were, it was crazy. “He could like… Break your neck.” Donghyuck mumbles as he places yet another chip with inside his mouth. “I wouldn’t wanna piss him off.”

“I could break your neck too.” Mark rolls his eyes and grabs a chip from Donghyuck’s package.

“Oh sweetie.” His boyfriend pats the top of his head. Mark's expression switches from annoyed to offended and he steals the whole package from Donghyuck. “Give it back!”

Renjun zones out. Mark and Donghyuck’s bickering was amusing but Jeno was about to start his competition and that was the most important thing. The boy gets into position, his broad back was on full display and Renjun tries to focus on anything but that because _it just wasn’t the time._

The whistle sounds and Jeno dives in gracefully, like always. He's the last to come to the surface and start swimming but he was already first nevertheless. His moves were harsh and yet careful, it was obvious he knew what he was doing and that he had been doing it for many years, it was oddly pleasing to watch the way his arms cut the water.

Renjun was hooked, not only because Jeno’s muscles would show the most whenever he’d swim, but because he thought Jeno was really a pro and had something in him many didn’t no matter how much they practiced. Pride bubbled inside his chest, it was almost overwhelming.

“GO JENO LEE!” Jaemin shouts right next to Renjun’s ear and the boy ducks his head down in shock.

He comes closer to the front to make sure his boyfriend could see him and starts chanting with the rest, Jeno comes closer and smiles widely when he sees Renjun in the front. Renjun smiles back and yells even louder just as the boy touches the wall and turns.

They don’t stop chanting his name, even if he couldn’t see them he could probably hear them anyways and he already had such a big advantage over his opponents, the more the merrier so they had to keep pushing him.

Renjun was so into it that doesn’t even bother checking his boyfriend’s back muscles out (which he regrets later on), the closer his boyfriend comes to the wall parallel to him the more nervous Renjun becomes.

Jeno comes first, that was no shocker, but he had come so close to breaking the National record and that in itself makes everyone lose their shit. Jaemin throws himself on top of Renjun with shiny eyes and yells so loud that Renjun knows he won’t be speaking for days, which technically wasn’t a bad thing.

Renjun is the first to hug and praise Jeno, he runs towards him careful to not fall in the meantime, and jumps on top of his boyfriend even if he knew Jeno’s muscles were probably aching badly from the effort he had put into swimming. “I love you.” He giggles once Jeno spins them around and places a kiss on Renjun’s forehead. “And I’m so proud.”

“I love you too.” Jeno smiles widely and locks his lips with Renjun’s for a few seconds before the rest of the boys come to congratulate him. Renjun watches as his boyfriend gets praised left and right with a proud look, he thought Jeno deserved even more praises than what he had gotten. He’d make sure to drown Jeno with praises forever, that way it was fair.

 

Their coach was being nice, probably because everyone was getting good results (even Mark, who had always been average next to his opponents and Jaemin, was ranking fifth in Freestyle), so they had been allowed to eat out together at the restaurant nearby the swimming pool. Needless to say it was a mess, the bickering was never-ending but at least entertaining and, for the most part, Renjun and Jeno stayed in their corner eating quietly as the others roasted each other. It was fun, it made Renjun feel at home.

“Jisung you’re gross.” Donghyuck scrunches his nose. “Can’t believe you kiss that mouth, Chenle.”

“Well not when it’s full of sauce, I do not!” The boy protests and throws a napkin on his boyfriend’s face. “What a disgrace.”

“I should’ve stayed inside the goddamn clos-“

“Say that again and you’re sleeping with the dog.” Chenle threatens and pokes Jisung’s arm with his chopsticks to purposely annoy the boy.

“I already sleep with a bitch anyways.” Jisung mumbles to himself but Chenle manages to hear it and, this time, stabs the boy with the chopsticks. “I take it back! Stop, that hurts.”

Chenle scoffs. “Idiot.”

It goes quiet for some minutes, which could be seen as a miracle, before Donghyuck finds someone else to roast and they start yelling at each other. Jeno watches with an amused look as Renjun, who had accidently slipped into the fight, argues with Chenle in Mandarin on how eating rice with a fork was not rude. “If I wanna eat all the grains? Then what? It’s only rude when foreigners don’t even try to use chopsticks!”

“I find it rude anyways! This is Asia.” Chenle crosses his arms in front of his chest. “Besides, why do you eat every single grain when you can just get more rice?”

“People are dying of starvation, Chenle.”

His friend glares at him. “Okay, and?”

“Oh my god.” Renjun sighs in exasperation. “Forget it, go back to showering in gold.”

“Gadly.”

Donghyuck had already taken his phone out of his pocket to film everything, he giggles to himself and puts it away again once they calm down. “Look at all this content I got from just today.” He lets out a sight of contentment. “I love you all so much.”

Everyone looks at him like he’s crazy, they had been bickering for almost an hour straight mostly due to Donghyuck’s lack of ability to keep quiet. “I don’t love you, I wanted to have a nice peaceful lunch.” Renjun spits out.

“Not my fault y’all a bunch of stubborn babies.” The boy shrugs.

“You just said you loved us.” Jaemin gives him the _what do you mean_ look.

Donghyuck shrugs. “Yeah well, I love your stubborn selves a whole lot then.”

“That’s gay.” The youngest whispers without thinking.

“No shit Jisung, we all are.” Donghyuck turns to Jaemin. “Except that one, he doesn’t know the wonders of being queer.”

Jaemin flips him off and quirks one of his eyebrows up. “Yeah, well, boys ain’t shit and girls are superior so who’s the real winner here?”

Donghyuck stares at him with a poker face and then clicks his tongue. “Okay, fair point.”

 

The looks they were getting should’ve made Renjun feel uncomfortable, but he feels nothing but happiness as he sits on Jeno’s lap and chats with Jaemin and Donghyuck. Jeno looked like a puppy who got a treat once his boyfriend agreed on sitting on his lap in front of everyone, that alone made up for the fact that they were being watched by a bunch of teenage boys.

“Okay and then she just slapped me! Like, it was so random I didn’t do anything.” Jaemin was in the middle of telling his newest party story, it had been so long since Renjun had joined them in one and he didn’t plan on doing it anytime soon. Jeno still enjoyed to go, he’d whine every time and complain that he’d be alone but Renjun wouldn’t change his mind no matter what. “She was cute, I’m upset.”

“You probably sneaked your tongue inside her mouth like a little freak.” Donghyuck snorts and Jaemin tries to push the boy out of his chair. “Good luck with that.”

“You frustrate me.” Jaemin whines and stomps his feet. “She seemed to like tongue action, it wasn’t that.”

“Maybe your breath stank.”

“I will end you Donghyuck, try me.”

The red haired shrugs, but the smirk doesn’t go away from his face. “You’ll find a new cute girl next time we hangout, doesn’t matter.” Jeno points out and all of them agree, even Jaemin had to admit that that was probably what was going to happen.

They’re finally called out to compete, Jaemin gets up right away and drags Donghyuck with him while the couple reluctantly gets up and follows behind. Their team shouts loudly as soon as they step out, Renjun waves at them this time. “THERE GO OUR ACES!” Someone shouts and he chokes on his own spit, _Huang Renjun? An ace?_

Jeno doesn’t let go of his waist until they have to warm up, and even then he stays so close that their bodies touch time to time. Renjun should’ve felt annoyed but he can’t help but giggle at how clingy his boyfriend was sometimes, especially when he knew there were many people watching.

He tries not to look at Jeno once the boy takes his shirt off, meanwhile his boyfriend didn’t even try to look discreet while checking him out. It’s only when Donghyuck hits the back of Jeno’s head and calls him a creep that the boy stops (Renjun was secretly enjoying the attention). “You were literally eating him with your eyes, keep your dick in your pants.”

“I am!” Jeno points at his crotch.

“It’s a metaph- Never mind you old man.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes and pushes Renjun closer to the swimming pool. “Time to win this, JunJun.”

Renjun jumps inside the water and goes into position, he’s not surprised to see that Jeno was already crouched down so he could be at the same eye level as him when he looks to the side. Renjun grins and holds himself up with his left arm while his right hands makes its way towards Jeno’s black locks and ruffles them. “Wish me luck.”

“Good luck, baby.”

“Baby-“ Renjun looks at him mortified.

“Concentrate Renjun.” Donghyuck pushes Jeno away. “Second whistle will sound anytime now.”

Donghyuck was right, Renjun goes back to his original position and waits patiently for the whistle to blow. He dives in the second his ears ring with the familiar sound, he dives in and closes his eyes like previously. _His last time._

Renjun moves his limbs like there was no tomorrow, his heart ached knowing this was going to be his last time doing it in such an environment. He wanted to give his all, wanted to take in every little detail of how it felt. The adrenaline, the whistles, the chants, the way the water flowed all around him. He was going to miss it all.

He notices the stairs and gets ready to turn, his teammates were all gathered there. He sees Mark, Chenle and Jisung right in the front and smiles at them. The impulse he gets from his legs once he flips makes Renjun feels as if he had a motor attached to his feet, he giggles underwater and goes back to the surface.

 _Less than hundred meters to go._ Renjun thinks of all the good memories he had created with his group over the ten years he had been in the club, tears start to fill his goggles and he curses himself for being an emotional wreck. He couldn’t see properly, but it didn’t really matter because his arms and legs were still working full speed.

His hands smacks against the wall one last time and he watches as Donghyuck jumps inside. Renjun presses his head against the wall and takes his goggles off, he lets the tears run down his cheeks knowing that no one would notice.

“Renjun are you not going to leave?” Jaemin asks from above him.

“I am.” He answers weakly and goes underwater one last time to clean his face, it was probably red but he could always pretend it was because of how tiring swimming had been.

Jeno is already in position when he gets there, the boy looks back at him and shoots him a tiny smile before he goes back to focusing on the task ahead. Donghyuck was already on his way back, the boy looked even more radiant than usual and Renjun thought that maybe they all felt the same way he did. That maybe Donghyuck was putting all his energy on swimming one last time, but instead of Renjun who cried over it, Donghyuck decided to smile.

He forgets it all when Jeno dives in and becomes hypnotized by his boyfriend’s moves like usual. “He’s amazing.” Renjun breathes out and Jaemin chuckles by his side.

“So am i.” The boy scoffs. “Wish me luck, Junnie.”

“Good luck, Nana.” Renjun gives him two thumbs up and pats his thigh. “Let’s end this well.”

Jaemin doesn’t disappoint, Renjun thought he was less gracious than Jeno but he had to admit he was called the ace for a reason. He moved like a fish inside water, it was almost unreal. His opponents really didn’t stand a chance, not that they did in the beginning since all of them had been first the whole time.

Jeno plays with Renjun’s semi wet air as he watches Jaemin do his job, Renjun hums in contentment every time Jeno’s fingers would touch his scalp. “You like when I touch your hair?”

“You’re asking that as if it wasn’t obvious already.” Renjun lightly hits his boyfriend in the ribs with his elbow.

Unfortunately Jeno stops playing with the strands once Jaemin gets closer, anticipation grew inside all of them as the distance lessened. Jaemin smacks the wall and lets out a loud groan, they all laugh at the odd reaction. “It’s done, we did it.” The boy says as he takes his goggles and cap off. “How did we do?”

“We broke the record.” Donghyuck mutters. “WE BROKE THE NATIONAL RECORD!” He repeats but this time screams it.

“No way.” Jeno looks at the board with the times on and starts screaming, Renjun and Jaemin join after the initial shock goes away.

They don’t even need to move much to greet their team, it had come all the way to the other side of the pool like a herd of buffalos just to congratulate them. It was a mess of people and noises, Renjun isn’t even sure who was hugging him at that point, but it didn’t matter anyways. _They had broken a record, together._

 

 

Renjun is expecting it.

They were all gathered around waiting for the results to come out, Jeno was by his side with his arms casually around Renjun’s shoulders and all of his friends were surrounding them feeling just as anxious as Renjun felt. This was it, his last medal, the last time he’d step on a podium. Renjun wants to throw up.

“Hundred meters backstroke.” The woman says into the microphone. “First place,”

Jeno moves his arm away from Renjun’s shoulder so he can interlock their fingers together. Renjun looks down at their hands, both their knuckles were white from how tight they were squeezing each other’s hands, but he can’t miss the fact that Jeno’s hands were so big next to his. Of course he had noticed it before, they had even compared hands at some point and Jeno had called him a little baby, but it always made his heart squeeze whenever he’d be reminded of just how big the difference was. He didn’t mind being smaller anymore, nor weaker. It was who he was, after all, and if he couldn’t embrace it then Renjun knew he’d live an unhappy life forever.

He looks at Jeno and smiles softly. No matter what, even if they were separated, Renjun felt content already. Chenle had Jisung and the drama had ended, Renjun had Jeno, had confidence, had a group of friends he loved and trusted, had an amazing family, he had everything and more. Renjun was happy, it was as simple as that. No medal would ruin it for him.

“Huang Renjun.” The woman announces, and his ears start to buzz as his friends shriek next to him. He can barely see Jeno since his vision had gone blurry as well, but he smiles the widest he can towards the big smudge of pink and black in front of him. He knows Jeno is smiling back.

Someone pushes him forward, probably Chenle or Donghyuck, and he manages to step on the podium even with his shaky legs. He never had to step up so high, even if his vision had cleared out a bit, Renjun felt like he was going to trip on his way up. It was so _so_ high.

Renjun finally makes it. He rubs his eyes to clear his vision completely and lets out a tiny ‘Wow’, it felt higher than it actually was but it didn’t matter. Renjun felt like he was on top of the world right then and there, with his friends chanting his name and his boyfriend sending him finger hearts and mouthing I love yous.

Everything clicks right into place. He had everything, no matter how temporary it all was, Renjun could at least say that, at some point, he had experienced what true happiness felt like.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (drinking game: take a shot everytime renjun tells jeno to shut up or feels the need to puke)
> 
> thank you for whoever read this fic till the end, im really grateful and i hope you liked it ? ? 
> 
> i'm planning on doing a series with this AU, i wanna write markhyuck's and chensung's story and hopefully some of you will read those as well (: 
> 
> ANYWAYS this was so much fun to write, im glad it's my first nct fic and thanks for the people who commented and gave kudos
> 
>  
> 
> PS: i've been questioned this quite a few times, so to clear it out: Jeno knows a bit of Mandarin! He isnt fluent but in nct life when renjun and chenle were doing that game where they had to guess the word in mandarin im pretty sure Jeno understood some things they were saying hence why Jeno could understand bits and pieces when they spoke abt Renjun kissing him!!

**Author's Note:**

> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/aquadons)  [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/ultraviolentae)


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